Dirty Little Secrets

--Danny--

I woke up the next morning with a new-found happiness. I sat up in bed and stretched but became startled when my phone suddenly buzzed.

‘Are we doing Christmas together?’ John’s text read.

‘It’d be weird without you. Your house on Christmas and mine on Christmas Eve?’

‘Sounds good. See you then.’

It was the first time John had texted me in months. He seemed reserved but at least he was talking so maybe we’re one step closer to moving on.

Christmas Eve came sooner than expected and Daisy and I were on our way to my parents’ house for dinner. John’s truck was already there when we arrived. Before we reached the front door, he was outside and taking Daisy out of my arms, tossing her in the air and kissing her forehead.

“How are you, Danny?” He asked me and situated Daisy on his hip.

“I’m good, John. Are you doing okay?”

“Oh yeah I’m doing fine. More than fine. Have you, um... Have you met somebody?”

I shook my head. “No. Have you?”

“No, no,” he said hastily. “I haven’t met anyone.” We stood there awkwardly. I was wondering what he was getting at.

“Well we better get inside, it’s kind of cold out here.”

As we were gathered around the Christmas tree, watching Aidan and Daisy playing with their new toys, I looked over at the happiness exuded from Garrett and Megan. I became weirdly jealous. What I wouldn’t give to hold Joel’s hand right now...

Joel... I was so stupid I didn’t even get his number. Or his last name.

“Danny, I asked how things were going,” my mom said loudly.

“Huh? Oh things are great. Couldn’t be any better.”

“Have you met anyone yet? You seem to be spending a lot of time with that Dirk fellow.”

“He’s just a friend, Mom.”

“You know, you really shouldn’t be focusing on finding someone. What you need to be doing is focusing on raising your daughter.”

“I’m not trying to find anybody, Mom.”

“Well that’s good, Danielle. Megan, cut that out!”

I looked behind me and she was dangling some mistletoe above John and I’s heads.

“It’s the holiday season! You have to kiss under the mistletoe!”

John looked at me and waited for me to react. I rolled my eyes and kissed his cheek quickly. The feeling of his skin beneath my lips brought back old memories. I looked at him and I’ve never seen him look more attractive.

“So that, uh... That was really childish of Megan to do that,” John said when he followed me into the kitchen.

“Well we’re both adults and I figured we could both handle it.”

“I remember back before we started dating-” he paused to smile and rub his neck. “-and we were playing truth or dare and my dare was to kiss you.”

“I remember thinking to myself that you were finally going to tell me how you felt about me. Not a chance.”

“Hey, if I remember correctly, you were dating Kenny and I was with...what’s her name...Alexis.”

I popped the bottle cap of a beer and placed it on the counter in front of him. “What did you see in her anyway?”

“Nothing. I dated Kim when I found out that Kenny liked you and I figured I didn’t have a chance with you. Same thing with her.”

“You haven’t changed at all, John. If you’d just speak up and explain how you’re feeling, you can actually get what you want.”

--John--

She couldn’t have been more right. I wanted her. And she wasn’t seeing anybody. So maybe if I just told her...

“Maybe I should take my own advice.”

“What?”

She just shook her head. “Nothing.”

“I have to ask... Who was that guy you kissed the other night?”

My question caught her off guard. “Who told you about that?”

“I know some people that know some people.”

She stared at me with a confused look on her face for a moment then her expression turned soft and she lightly bit her lip. “He’s cool. I like him.”

“Are you going to see him again?” I had to keep asking questions so she couldn’t hear my heart break.

“I don’t know. I’d like to.” She kept smiling and biting her lip then she snapped out of it and looked at me. “Well, it’s getting to be Daisy’s bed time. Do you want to just take her home with you and I’ll come over tomorrow?”

“Yeah. That sounds fine.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have shut her down when I did a long time ago. But I was angry. She’d broken my heart. Why did I have to burn that bridge? I waited too long and now she found a new bridge to cross.

--Danny--

I drove back to Ahwatukee in a daze. There was something about Joel that lingered with me. I parked my car in front of my apartment and my phone went off.

‘Merry Christmas :)
-Joel’

****

‘When can I see you?’ Joel’s text read after almost three weeks of back and forth texting.

‘Hmm...I don’t know...’

‘Do I have to ask your parents for permission to take you on a date? ;)’

‘Now you’re just trying to earn brownie points.’

‘Okay, I’ll pick you up Thursday at 5.’

I shook my head and smiled to myself. I hadn’t seen Joel in person since the night I met him but we got to know each other a lot over the past few weeks. I looked at Daisy sleeping next to me and thought about how much she looked like her dad. I wondered if I should tell Joel right off the bat about her. The thought of her being a deal breaker broke my heart.

After three excruciatingly long days, Thursday finally arrived.

“Where’s the kid?” I heard behind me in a gruff voice. I turned to see Megan and Garrett standing there. “Mom sent us because she didn’t feel like coming all the way out here.”

“She’s in her room.” I followed them into her room and pulled her hair into quick pig tails.

“Aww, I wish we had a girl so I could give her pig tails like that,” Megan said and looked at Garrett with a puppy dog face.

“Maybe one day, Dear.” He squeezed her hand and took the bag I handed over to him. I kissed Daisy’s forehead and handed her over to Megan.

“I’ll be over in the morning to come get her,” I said and shut the front door after waving them goodbye.

I gave my hair another run-through with the brush and my phone started ringing.

“So, um, I may or may not be outside your apartment. Are you number 1086?”

“I am. Come on in; the door is open.”

I looked in the mirror and gave myself one last once-over and straightened up my blouse and skirt a little, breathed out, and walked towards the front door. I saw him as I rounded the corner and my heart skipped a beat.

“Wow, you look...” He was staring away at me. “You look amazing.”

I blushed and bit my lip. “Thank you,” I said bashfully. I hadn’t been this nervous in a long time.

He cleared his throat as to get himself back on track. “Shall we?” He motioned towards the door.

I found myself staring at him as we walked to his car and even when we were talking and joking in the car. He was absolutely gorgeous. His smile and his laugh gave me diabetes he was so beautiful. I astonished myself that I was able to keep a conversation with him without going dumb.

“So where are we going again?”

“Shh.”

“Oh, I’ve never heard of that place. Is it new?”

He smiled at me. I could have melted. “Extremely new.”

We parked in front of Martini Ranch in Downtown Scottsdale.

“Are you getting me drunk?”

“Shh,” he said again then flashed a smile at me. I almost tripped.

He bought us drinks then we went to go stand in front of the stage as this guy with longish red hair was setting up a drum set.

“Who is this?”

“Just some local bands. Wait right here, I’ll be right back.”

I watched him as he walked through the small crowd of people. I took a sip of my beer and suddenly the lights went dark and people started cheering as the band came on stage. I looked back to where I saw Joel disappear and he was no where to be found. I looked back at the stage and he was standing up there next to the two brothers that had thrown the Christmas party.

“Hello, we are This Century,” Joel said into the microphone. “And this song is called Tragedy.”

As I was watching him up on stage, it hit me why I was so smitten with him. His looks and the way he acted on stage... He was John.