Dirty Little Secrets

“You love me?” I couldn’t believe what I was actually hearing. And it wasn’t my imagination this time.

“I do.”

I brushed her hair out of her face and placed my lips against hers. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I started to lie back on the bed as I had my hands fixed on her hips. My hand started to explore new territory and went inside her shirt a little bit then she groaned and stopped kissing me.

“Got a little wandering hand there, don’t ya?”

“I’m sorry.”

She smiled. “Why are you apologizing? It just got me off guard. But it was a pleasant surprise.” She started kissing me again as I rolled over on top of her. “I love you,” she said again.

“I love you.”

She playfully pushed me off of her. “Why did you wait so long?”

“I didn’t know you liked me.”

“I’d be crazy not to. I just didn’t know it.”

“I’ve known it…since I met you.”

She pulled my face to hers and kissed me. “You’re so adorable.” She cuddled next to me and put her head on my chest as I had my arm around her and we fell asleep like that.

“John? What are you doing here?” I heard softly and opened my eyes to see Danny’s mom standing over me.

“Huh? Oh, I was just visiting. I haven’t seen her all weekend.” I still had my arms around her and she was still nestled up next to me.

“That’s sweet of you to come visit her, John, but I didn’t want her to have any visitors right now. She’s in trouble. And seeing as it’s almost noon, I’m betting you didn’t go to school this morning.”

“No ma’am I didn’t.”

She looked like she was going to say something, then stopped and saw how we were laying together. “Is there…something going on between the two of you?” Involuntarily a smile came to my face and she smiled too. I didn’t need to say anything. “That’s so cute, and all the more reason you shouldn’t be here!” She was being polite but kicking me out at the same time. Ahh, I’d just stay.

After Danny’s mom left to go back to work, she woke up. “I thought you’d never wake up.”

“Why would you want me to wake up?” She stretched her arms out and wrapped her legs around mine.

I answered her by pressing my lips against hers. “So I could do that.”

“Is it bad I haven’t thought about Kennedy?” She asked as she stroked my jawline.

“Shit, I haven’t either.” I was quiet for a moment. “Are you going to go back to him?”

“I really wish I didn’t have to think about this.” I sat up and looked blankly at her sheets. “What’s wrong?” She sat up next to me and ran her hand lightly around my back.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong. We’re just here, clearly into each other and you’re still thinking about Kenny.”

“Well he is my boyfriend, John. And yes, I have feelings for him too. Just because this all happened doesn’t mean I’ll just toss my feelings for Kennedy aside.”

“So this meant nothing to you?”

“It meant everything to me.” She rested her head on my back. “I have to think about this. Just know that I love you.”

“I think I’m going to go back to my house. I’ll see you later.” I stood up and before I reached the door she called out to me.

“John.”

“What?” I turned to face her and she just looked at me with a coy smile upon her face. “I love you, too.”

--Danny--

I sat in my bed for a long time after John left then found myself subconsciously sniffing the sheets where he’d been.

I wanted to be with him so badly. But it wasn’t fair to Kennedy. It’s true: I didn’t feel anything with him that I felt with John, but I still felt something. I just didn’t know how to break it to him. A week earlier and everything would have been perfect. But now that he’s dropped the ‘l’ word, things would be much tougher.

My doorbell rang in the middle of my thoughts and Kennedy was there when I opened it. He rushed in and looked like he had a lot on his mind.

“I’m so stupid, Danny.”

“No you’re not.”

“Yes I am.” He grabbed my shoulders and kissed me hastily. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I can’t even tell you how stupid I am.” He sat down on the couch and I sat angled to him, confused on what was running through his mind. “I… I kissed Alexis today. I don’t even know why. I thought maybe she was trying to get back at you or something… I thought I didn’t have any feelings for her anymore, but… I do.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you’re beautiful and wonderful and perfect, but I don’t think we’re meant to work out together. Don’t get me wrong, I love you and I care about you, but I think I should love and care about you in a different way.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“I’m so sorry it had to end like this. I’d been feeling this way for a while now and I haven’t been able to talk to you about it until now.”

“No, it’s okay.”

He looked confused. “Aren’t you mad at me?”

“No. Because I kissed John.”

“You kissed John?”

“Just this morning actually. How can I be angry at you for doing the exact same thing I did.”

“I really don’t want this to put a damper on our friendship. You still want to be friends right?”

“If that’s how it works out, I would love to.”

He grabbed my shoulders and kissed my forehead lightly. “I hope things work out between you and John. You deserve each other.”

“Thank you. And seeing that Alexis and I aren’t on the best of terms right now, I hope things work out between you two. Now that she’s happy with herself.” He smiled faintly. “Can we not be rivals because of who you like?” I asked once I realized things were about to drastically change between us.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Anything. Just don’t lie to me.”

He pulled me into a comforting hug but he never said anything before he walked out of my house.

I figured I would lounge around my room for a while and think about the day’s activities before I called John back. I felt like a terrible person. I was treating John like he was the runner up when in reality he was first place. What the hell am I waiting for? I called him but he never answered so I called him a reasonable ten more times but still no answer. That bitch was avoiding me.

Since my mom took away my car keys and would be home at any given moment, I decided against going over to John’s house.

“Was that Kennedy that was speeding off down the road?” My mom asked when she came in a minute later.

“Yep.”

“Why was he over here?”

“To break up with me.”

“I thought you were with John?”

“What are you talking about, Mom?”

“Well I came home today for lunch and you two looked pretty cozy together. In your bed.” I turned red and a smile approached her face. “Anything you want to tell me?”

“Not yet.” I lied on my bed and hugged the pillow John was sleeping on. She walked away and I continued my thoughts. Our feelings weren’t in the dark anymore. They were out in the open. And no one was doing anything about it.

****

The next morning at school, John’s truck wasn’t in the parking lot and no one was at the lunch table. It felt like the end of the world. Even though everyone else at school was there, not having the four of them there felt like a zombie apocalypse had happened.

By the time I got in my anatomy class, Kennedy and John were there and both of them were sitting together and ignoring me. Okay. I see how it is. I forgot I had this class with Alexis so I felt eyes on me the whole time. Every time I looked over there she was giving me the stink eye. Fuck her.

I couldn’t pry my eyes away from John, even if he wasn’t paying attention to me. When the bell rang he tried to slip out without me catching up to him but I did right outside the door. He was leaning against the wall, not looking at me as I just stared at him, searching his face.

“I love Kennedy,” I finally said and he looked down at me.

“Really? You’re –”

I put my hand over his mouth. “But not nearly as much as I love you. I’m so in love with you,” I said and started smiling, tears coming out as I started to feel foolish.

I looked down at the ground as he stood there silently. After a moment, he took my face in his hands and pressed his lips against mine. “I love you,” he said with our mouths still connected then pulled me closer into a hug. “Can we just go home now?” He asked me and smiled his beautiful smile.

“Can’t. I’ve already missed two days.”

“Oh yeah I forgot you were a badass.”

He twisted me around and intertwined his fingers with mine before we started walking to lunch. When we reached the table, Jared and Eric started slow clapping and some kids from neighboring tables joined in even though they didn’t know what they were clapping for and it felt like the entire cafeteria was celebrating.

“About damn time!” Eric shouted and Garrett and Pat looked at us from the end of the table. My sister was sitting next to Garrett and had a wide smile on her face. I hated her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” John said as we sat next to each other and he had his arm around my waist then kissed my cheek. They just stared at us with their mouths wide open. “Well what the hell are you staring at?”

“I’d tell you, but I don’t know…” Jared said.

“They’re looking at two kids in love!” Megan teased.

“Shut up Megan,” John said just like I would have. She looked at him with her mouth gaped open.

“Okay brother in-law.”

I shook my head and while everyone was eating or not looking at us, I’d peck him on the cheek or play with his fingers.

“You wanna go on a date with me tonight?” He asked me quietly and kissed under my jawline.

“You’re asking me out?”

“Yeah I guess I am. What are you gonna do about it?”

“I guess I’ll go on a date with you. Where are we going?”

“That is for me to know and you to find out.”

“Cheesy.”

He shrugged and made a cute face. “It ain’t easy bein’ cheesy.”

“But you make it seem so effortless.”

I smiled and he joined me. “I don’t know what I was so afraid of all these years,” he said and looked down at my hand that he was holding. “It’s so easy being around you like this.”

“Like what?”

“Showing you how I feel. I always thought it’d be the hardest thing in the world.”

I grabbed his face and kissed him then realized we were the only people in the cafeteria. “Looks like we’re late for calculus,” I said and laughed.

“Do we have to go?” He pleaded and held on to my hands while looking at me with a puppy dog face.

“Hey, I’m the badass here. Since when are you so into skipping?”

“I guess you’ve rubbed off on me.”

After school, John and I walked to his truck hand in hand as Jared and Eric were leaning against it. “So you guys are dating now?” Eric asked.

“We haven’t gone on a date, so no,” John said and squeezed my hand as butterflies flew around in my stomach.

--John--

I kissed Danny admiringly then watched her walk to her car as I backed up and leaned against my truck with Eric and Jared.

“Hey, lover boy, you wanna open the car so we can get in?”

“She’s incredible…” I said quietly but they looked at me like I was insane.

“Where did John go?” Eric asked. “Jared, do you see him around anywhere?”

“Nope. All I see is John Lennon watching Yoko walk away.”

“Shut up, Jared. You know I’ve liked her forever.”

“No I didn’t… No one did.”

“Well shit wasn’t it obvious!”

“She did make out with him and not us,” Eric said to Jared and they both agreed. “Best friends. Meant to be.” They both sighed overdramatically. “Does this mean I have to fall in love with Jared now?” Eric yelled as I walked over to the driver’s side. “Wait! Where are you going?” I started backing up and smiled as I drove away, looking back at them flipping me off then getting in Danny’s car.

I stopped at the red light down the street and Danny pulled up to my right and mouthed ‘I love you’ to me then drove off. I love you too…