I Lied When I Said I Didn't Love You

Kyo’s P.O.V

I shuffled quickly back to my room after that, in awe of Mike.
God, he was so handsome! His eyes I liked the most, a clear blue like the sea. I loved the sea. I used to live there with my Mom and brother- before Mom died from her illness. I felt a pang in my heart when I thought this, my eyes suddenly prickling as tears sprang up.

I miss my Mom a lot.

She had always protected me from my brother Daniel, nursing me on the many occasions when I was sick. We weren’t a very well off family at all, living in a two-roomed hut next to the beach. Often the electricity and water would be cut off, because we failed to scrap enough money together to pay. It was either pay the bills or starve. Mom’s work didn’t really get her much money; she slaved away at the gas station when she was well enough to get out of bed. She was sick a lot, after Dad ran off and left her to support two kids on her own. Most of the time she couldn’t get out of bed, just sleeping away the time for days on end, her brow covered in beads of sweat.

My brother was supposed to look after to me, but he didn’t at all. My brother hated me with a vengeance; he took out all his angry and rage on me when he knew Mom couldn’t do anything. He was two years older then me, and a lot bigger then me, which helped him when he beat me up. Whenever something went wrong he would grab me by the hair, striking me across the face and kicking my stomach until I threw up blood.

But as well as being violent, he was cruel. He loved to torture me, setting my hair on fire, rubbing my skin with rough bits of sandpaper until the top layer rubbed off, leaving raw red patches all over my body. His favourite punishment though, was trying to drown me. We had one small iron tub that was attached to a rusty faucet, where we cleaned up. We couldn’t afford soap, and the water was always cold. I would’ve preferred washing in the sea (I did anyway- the sand and salt were much better to get the dirt off my skin). When Mom was asleep, Daniel would drag me over to the bath, twisting my arm behind my back until I thought it would break if I struggled. He would have filled it before, the cold water murky in its iron casing. Then he would grab my head, shoving it down into the freezing water and holding me there until I thought my lungs would explode from the strain. Sometimes my life would flash before my eyes, certain I was going to die at his hands until Daniel pulled me back up in the nick of time. He held me above the water, while I heaved and gasped for breath. Once my breathing had calmed down, he called me a stupid little bastard and dunked me back down.

Daniel had made me his slave after Mom died, abandoning the old house on the beach and buying a flat over here with money I was pretty sure he stole. Now he was older, he could inflict more pain and suffering on me. I was terrified of him, I wouldn’t tell anyone else about what he did to me for the fear he would find out and come after me. He knew that too. He had taken over my entire life, locking me away from the world when he didn’t want to rape or beat me. And the only time he didn’t feel like doing that was when he was too drunk or asleep.

The only reason I was in hospital was because I nearly died. After Daniel had forcefully fucked me and beaten me up to the point where I couldn’t stand, I snapped. I couldn’t live like this anymore. Better to be dead and free then alive and captive. Besides, what he did to me was worse then death. It had gotten to the point where I drugged myself so I didn’t have to see reality.

So, I tried to kill myself.

Of course, it failed completely. I had jumped out the window, after forcing it open when Daniel was asleep. Unfortunately, I misjudged my jump. The flat wasn’t high enough the ground for the fall to kill me, just enough to crack my ribs and knock me unconscious.

Daniel woke up when I did this. He would’ve just dragged me inside and beaten the crap out of me, if one of the neighbours hadn’t seen and screamed at him to call an ambulance. I wish she hadn’t. I found out later one of my ribs had punctured my lung, and if it had been left too long I would have died. It seemed every time I tried to end it something happened to stop me.

I was kind of glad I hadn’t, now. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to meet Mike. I had only met him a second ago, but I got the weird thing that he would understand everything that had happened to me.

Not that I would tell him. I didn’t have to be reminded that I was a freak, getting raped by my own brother.

I smiled to myself, thinking about Mike again. He just had something in his jaw that interested me. He looked strong, like he could protect me.

I had seen his red eyes though; I knew he had been crying about something. Probably about the person he was seeing here. I hadn’t a clue whom it was. I hoped it wasn’t anything too serious. I hated seeing people around me suffer. Most likely because I suffered so much myself, I knew what it was like.

I went into my room, jumping on the hospital bed and lying back. I closed my eyes tiredly. Sometimes if I did this I could imagine I was back with Mom, at the house on the beach. No Daniel, no pain, just me and the only person who ever cared about me.

“Um… Kyo?” I heard someone say awkwardly, clearing their throat. My eyes shot open, nervously looking at my visitor. It took me a moment to calm down and realise it was Mike. When I saw this, I quickly sat up on my bed, a wide smile on my face.

“Mike! Hi! What are you doing here?” I said, sounding like I’d known him for years. Which was kind of strange, I had only just met the guy.

But I found myself strangely attracted to him, shyly drawn towards his beautiful eyes. I cursed myself for thinking like that, though. Like he would ever feel like that about me.

“Nothing, I just thought I would, you know, talk to you,” Mike said, shrugging. He didn’t look too comfortable, standing in the doorway like that.

“Great! What about?” I asked brightly. A little too brightly. The thing about me is I either go really quiet and shy, or bubbly as hell.

“Um… nothing in particular…”

“Oh. Okay.”

We looked at each other silently for a moment. I tried to think about something to say, but all I really could think about was hospital stuff.

“Um- did you see that guy that was brought in earlier?” I suddenly blurted out, thinking back to about an hour ago.

“Huh? No, I didn’t.”

“They brought in this guy, just about your age with curly brown hair. His forehead had all this blood over it- the nurses were going crazy! I think a car or something hit him. I feel sorry for his family and friends, the poor people! They must be worried sick.”

Mike’s head suddenly sank. He looked down at the floor, swallowing hard.

“That- that was my friend Billie. He was hit by a car,” he choked out, his voice suddenly sounding strained. My heart sank. Oh God, me and my big mouth!

“Mike, are you okay?” I asked, getting up off the bed. Mike shook his head, a sob escaping his lips. I stood beside him, gently putting a hand on his shoulder and leading him over to the bed. I sat him down, sitting next to him.

“Did- did he really look that bad?” he said softly, looking sideways at me as the tears dripped down his nose.

“Oh, no, I’ve seen a lot worse,” I jabbered quickly, wishing desperately I hadn’t said anything. Sometimes I do that, say something stupid. That was the main reason I got hurt so much. Mike gulped, straightening up and wiping his face on his sleeve. He turned away from me, embarrassed about crying like that.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, getting up.

“It’s okay, Mike,” I said, reaching out to touch him but then quickly pulling back. He nodded at me, before fleeing out of the door.

I slumped back into my pillow, sighing.

Why did I have to say all that?