Status: Sorry to leave you hanging guys! The keyboard on my laptop is malfunctioning.
Stop Pretending That You're Sorry
6
Once I got over the initial moment of panic, I came up with the perfect scheme.
Auburn Woods, it was a nice development not too far from my crack den. Sure I’d still have to walk home, but at least it would spare me some of the journey.
“Auburn Woods, it’s on Hillside road.”
“Oh yeah, I know where that is.”
The next few minutes passed in a painfully awkward silence.
Finally It was broken by Mr. Harrington saying, “You can turn on the radio if you want.”
“Um, alright.”
I turned the dial, sifting through static, death metal, and shitty rap songs. As I was channel surfing I managed to catch Adele’s “Someone Like You” not too far from the beginning.
“I love this song,” Mr. H smiled.
“Who doesn’t?”
“True.”
I’m unsure of how it happened but somehow we ended up belting out the words together. Neither of us were very good or on pitch but it was the most fun I’d had in days.
We finished in a fit of laughter, and I wished that I could pause time and just savor that moment forever. Just to hold onto that feeling I hadn’t had since dad died. For a moment, I was genuinely happy.
“Oh god, that was fun. So which house is yours?”
Oh shit.
“Uh… I don’t remember the number, sorry. I just moved in. You can just let me out here and I’ll walk.”
“Nonsense, if you know the way, just direct me.”
“Okay… it’s to the right.”
It was almost kind of fun, picking out which house would belong to me. It was such a cute little neighborhood. People out walking their dogs, kids playing tag in someone’s yard. Envy consumed me for a minute.
And then I saw it, the perfect little house.
“It’s this one, on the left with the red front door.”
He turned into the driveway and let me out. Thank god it seemed that no one was home, that would’ve been hard to explain.
“Goodnight Regan. And hey, I can pardon you from getting detention until the bus starts picking you up.”
“That’s okay. I don’t want any special treatment. Detention’s fine with me, it gives me a chance to do work without distraction.” Other than the distraction of his attractiveness of course. That was total bullshit though, what I really meant was that detention’s fine because it means I spend less time at home.
I turned away and headed towards the house before he had time to answer.
I stood in front of the door, digging through my purse, pretending to be looking for a key. That continued until Mr. H had turned around and headed back from whence he came. As soon as he was out of sight, I started walking, cutting through people’s yards so I wouldn’t have to walk along the road again and risk seeing him.
Tears were falling and I was shaking uncontrollably the whole way. Why couldn’t I have this pretend life? Instead I got a neglecting mother and the abusive Anthony. It just wasn’t fucking fair. What did I ever do to deserve this? Sure I started slacking when I found out dad was sick, but I had so much on my plate that I couldn’t focus on school. This was not worth a few Cs and a D+.
When I approached the house I caught sight of Anthony having a smoke out on the front porch. Quickly I tried to make the tears vanish. I wouldn’t let myself be vulnerable around him, or at least I wouldn’t let him see that I was.
“Ayo Regan. Took you long enough to get home. Wait a sec, you okay? You crying?”
I tried to find a hint of sarcasm in his voice, be he sounded completely sincere. His attitude had changed completely from the other night. He was like a totally different person.
“No I’m fine.”
“Bullshit, c’mere.” He waved me over. “Sit your little ass down.”
Afraid of getting hit again, despite the fact that he didn’t sound dangerous at all, I did as he said.
“Here, want a cig?” He held out the box to me, giving it a shake.
Why the fuck not? So I took one and he gave me a light.
Smoking has never really been my thing, so naturally I started hacking.
“Well you didn’t have to take one if you don’t know how to smoke ‘em.”
“I know how to smoke,” I said, my voice hoarse and wheezy.
He held his hands up in defense. “Alright, alright. So what are ya crying for?”
“I' lonely I guess… I don't really have friends.” Other than Katie and Julia but I barely even knew them, and Julia was so negative towards others. It was hard to like her.
A big hand wacked me on the back in what I guess was supposed to be a comforting way.
“Aw, ya got me, kiddo.”
Oh joy. Anthony is my only friend. I’m so lucky.
Auburn Woods, it was a nice development not too far from my crack den. Sure I’d still have to walk home, but at least it would spare me some of the journey.
“Auburn Woods, it’s on Hillside road.”
“Oh yeah, I know where that is.”
The next few minutes passed in a painfully awkward silence.
Finally It was broken by Mr. Harrington saying, “You can turn on the radio if you want.”
“Um, alright.”
I turned the dial, sifting through static, death metal, and shitty rap songs. As I was channel surfing I managed to catch Adele’s “Someone Like You” not too far from the beginning.
“I love this song,” Mr. H smiled.
“Who doesn’t?”
“True.”
I’m unsure of how it happened but somehow we ended up belting out the words together. Neither of us were very good or on pitch but it was the most fun I’d had in days.
We finished in a fit of laughter, and I wished that I could pause time and just savor that moment forever. Just to hold onto that feeling I hadn’t had since dad died. For a moment, I was genuinely happy.
“Oh god, that was fun. So which house is yours?”
Oh shit.
“Uh… I don’t remember the number, sorry. I just moved in. You can just let me out here and I’ll walk.”
“Nonsense, if you know the way, just direct me.”
“Okay… it’s to the right.”
It was almost kind of fun, picking out which house would belong to me. It was such a cute little neighborhood. People out walking their dogs, kids playing tag in someone’s yard. Envy consumed me for a minute.
And then I saw it, the perfect little house.
“It’s this one, on the left with the red front door.”
He turned into the driveway and let me out. Thank god it seemed that no one was home, that would’ve been hard to explain.
“Goodnight Regan. And hey, I can pardon you from getting detention until the bus starts picking you up.”
“That’s okay. I don’t want any special treatment. Detention’s fine with me, it gives me a chance to do work without distraction.” Other than the distraction of his attractiveness of course. That was total bullshit though, what I really meant was that detention’s fine because it means I spend less time at home.
I turned away and headed towards the house before he had time to answer.
I stood in front of the door, digging through my purse, pretending to be looking for a key. That continued until Mr. H had turned around and headed back from whence he came. As soon as he was out of sight, I started walking, cutting through people’s yards so I wouldn’t have to walk along the road again and risk seeing him.
Tears were falling and I was shaking uncontrollably the whole way. Why couldn’t I have this pretend life? Instead I got a neglecting mother and the abusive Anthony. It just wasn’t fucking fair. What did I ever do to deserve this? Sure I started slacking when I found out dad was sick, but I had so much on my plate that I couldn’t focus on school. This was not worth a few Cs and a D+.
When I approached the house I caught sight of Anthony having a smoke out on the front porch. Quickly I tried to make the tears vanish. I wouldn’t let myself be vulnerable around him, or at least I wouldn’t let him see that I was.
“Ayo Regan. Took you long enough to get home. Wait a sec, you okay? You crying?”
I tried to find a hint of sarcasm in his voice, be he sounded completely sincere. His attitude had changed completely from the other night. He was like a totally different person.
“No I’m fine.”
“Bullshit, c’mere.” He waved me over. “Sit your little ass down.”
Afraid of getting hit again, despite the fact that he didn’t sound dangerous at all, I did as he said.
“Here, want a cig?” He held out the box to me, giving it a shake.
Why the fuck not? So I took one and he gave me a light.
Smoking has never really been my thing, so naturally I started hacking.
“Well you didn’t have to take one if you don’t know how to smoke ‘em.”
“I know how to smoke,” I said, my voice hoarse and wheezy.
He held his hands up in defense. “Alright, alright. So what are ya crying for?”
“I' lonely I guess… I don't really have friends.” Other than Katie and Julia but I barely even knew them, and Julia was so negative towards others. It was hard to like her.
A big hand wacked me on the back in what I guess was supposed to be a comforting way.
“Aw, ya got me, kiddo.”
Oh joy. Anthony is my only friend. I’m so lucky.