Should I Go on With This Arranged Marriage?

I’m on my way home now and Brian is giving me a ride. I still feel embarrassed at what happened like two days ago. Don’t blame on me, it’s my first time that a guy ever been on top of me. And it still makes me shake my head off everytime it pushed through my mind.

“Why are you shaking your head?” Brian suddenly asked making me realized that I just shook my head.

“Huh? Uhm... Nothing.” I replied.

“You spaced a lot.” He muttered.

“I do?” I asked confusedly. I’m aware that I’m spacing sometime, but I don’t know that I space that much. He just nodded for an answer.

We finally reached the house. How I miss this old small house of ours. I get out of the car then my Mom and Dad, walks to me giving me a hug. “I miss you sweetie.” Mom said.

“Let me help you.” Dad, walks to Brian who’s putting my things off of the car.

“Hey, Brian, have a lunch before leaving.” Mom, offered.

“Oh, no, thanks. I’m gonna be late for the tour. The late ones always get the most uncomfortable bunk.” he said. “Besides, I and Dominique ate before leaving the house.”

“Alright, thanks for bringing her home. Go ahead then.” Dad, said this time.

“Good luck for the tour.” Mom smiled on him. He quickly made his way to inside the car and left.

---

I made my way fast, to my room and lazily drop my body on my bed. I miss my room. I miss every thing in here. I take very deep breathes like everything is gonna fade soon. I snuggled myself in the sheet and smelled the blue cotton in. The smell is not that bad, after all. I smell home.

I took my phone from my pocket and immediately compose a message.

‘Thanks for giving me a ride. And good luck with your tour. Rock it out. Let Michelle clean it.’ i searched on my contact to find the name Brian and send it quickly.

After I send the message I scanned again to my contacts and look for Tom’s name. I pushed the green button. Three rings have gone before answering. “Baby, I miss you.” I said as he picked the phone up.

“And I miss you more. How’s your day?”

“Just great!” I smiled.

“That’s good. Anything up for tomorrow night?”

I shook my head as if he could see me. “nothing. Why?”

“How about a late night movie?”

“Sounds good.” I replied.

“Alright. I’ll pick you up at seven.”

“Okay. I love you.” it was the first time that I actually the one who said ‘I love you’ to him. Almost every text he’s been sending to me, always says ‘I love you’ and I just replied to it.

“You finally said it first.” He said. If I'm with him, I could see the happy face right now.

“I think I just did.” I replied and laughed.

“Well, then. I love you too. See you tomorrow.” with that we hung up.

---

I didn’t know I had fallen asleep when Mom, shake me. “Sweetie. Dinner’s ready.”

“oh.” She just smiled at my reaction.

“you probably miss this house so much.”

I nodded. “indeed.” Was my only reply.

I followed her on the dining room, where Dad was already waiting.

“Had a very good sleep?” he asked as soon as I’m visible on his eyes.

“Yes.” I replied as I take my sit.

I started serving myself, with the cheesy baked macaroni which is one of the specialties of Mom. We ate it silence, like we used to. Not boring just used of it. I downed my first plate and scoop another set. Mom eyed me but if just laughed at her “I miss this.”

After we finished dinner, I went to the living room and decided to watch TV. I flip channels over channels until one channel caught my attention. I saw Brian playing his guitar, while Matt do the vocals while Jimmy is on the drums and the other Zacky and Johnny is on their respective instruments too. I took my phone and pictured the screen. ‘What’s the title of this song?’ I type on the caption and send it to Jimmy, instead. Not a minute later, I got a reply. ‘Afterlife it is. One of my favourite.’ I started typing again ‘you are freaky here. A spider on your face? I hate spiders.’ I press send again. ‘Oh, if you were there, you don’t know how much I'm freaking out. I thought it will bite me anywhere.’ I didn’t bother to reply I enjoyed the rest of the music video until it ends.

I let myself drown into whatever songs flashed into the screen for I don’t know how long. I could slowly feel my eyes getting heavier again. I lie down on the couch and let my mind drift in the dreamland.

---

I woke up on the same couch I laid myself into. I saw my Mom started preparing me some cereals. I smiled on her and sit on the same chair I used to sit since I was a child. “Where’s dad?” i asked before digging into a spoonful colourful ring cereals.

“He’s with Marco.” She simply replied.

“Mom, what is really Dad’s work? I haven’t asked it since once, only now.” I said furrowing my brows.

She sits infront of me and stared for a while. “Marco and your Dad has been gambling and exporting illegal stuffs, you could think, before you even set your body on earth.” She said.

“No way?!” I replied. I never thought he’s been doing that for more than my age. “And you’re cool with it?”

She nodded. “He just told me the day we go to Haner’s. At first I was like, what the hell have I been doing with this guy, putting food on me and my daughter’s mouth for eighteen years? But I was like, what was twenty years of love and romance compared to illegal things he’s been doing for us.” She smiled.

“Mom, I wish I could be you.” I smiled back.

“You don’t have to be me. You have to be yourself in your own little way.” She replied.

I nodded on her. “Mom I’m going out tonight.” I said pushing the now empty bowl.

“With Tom?” she asked.

“Yes, a movie perhaps.” I added.

“Aren’t you feeling guilty, sweetie?” she asked again, which shoot pain inside me.