Should I Go on With This Arranged Marriage?

Dominique's P.O.V.

I lay back down on the bed turning my back to him. I was actually expecting words from him. I shouldn’t have encourage or ask him to tell me things, I mean he has too, right? I cried myself in silence, covering my face with the sheet. I wanted him to leave, but I wanted him to stay.

The silence and wordless response from him just makes me think even harder that what is going through my head is not impossible.

I want to shout at him. I want to punch him. I want to kick him. These things can actually let out some of the pains I’m feeling right now.

The door crack open, indicating of Amerie.

“She’s awake?” She asked. “Is she crying.” She now asks, loud enough with her worried voice. “What did you to her?”

“I didn’t do anything to her.” Brian replied.

“She’s stressed herself out that’s why she’s here. She can’t over think. Her blood pressure is not normal.”

“Really?” Brian then asked with panicked.

Thankfully, I can still control my breathing. “I’m okay.” I said loudly for the both of them. “Amerie.” I called her.

With just seconds, she’s on my side, pulling down the sheet off of me. She got that worried and poor look at me.

“Can you tell Mom I want to go home. I really want to, by tomorrow, morning.” I whispered a low as I can, so Brian won’t hear it.

I don’t feel comfortable here. The only thing I want in the hospital is when they put Anesthesia. I just want to be numb right now. Painkiller.

She nodded and walks off of the room.

I covered back my face to avoid the stares from Brian.

I finally drifted to a real sleep.

-----

I rose up at quarter to 5 in the morning. The sun is just about to rise. I tried to get out off the bed and walk over to sleeping Brian at the couch.

Amerie was sent home by Brian, telling her, to just come back at 5.

I shake him up, with my left hand, while the other is holding the stainless, silver, tall, rolling, hook of the dextrose. “It’s almost five.” I told him when he shifted place.

“Oh.” he muttered. “Why are you up.”

I shrugged my shoulder to him.

“Go back to bed“ he commanded.

“You have to go. You‘re gonna be late.” I said ignoring what he told me.

“Ahh.. Yeah.” he said, stretching his arms while he yawns.

I walk away from him and stand by the window. I pushed the curtains, a little bit, just to see, the calm pacific.

Huntington General Hospital was built incredibly amazing. They managed to keep rooms facing the Pacific. I guess, this helps the patients for a fast recovery.

A small portion of the sun is already gleaming the dark blue pacific. Set of birds flew away by the air.

On the roadside there are some old people, jogging.

Street sweepers are also there, cleaning shits, that stupid people threw like the entire place is garbage can.

Several cars are also on the road; off to work.

I stared the scenery for while. I actually enjoyed it, and forget everything.

Two warm arms, hugged me from behind but they are, though, feels so cold. I immediately feel his breathe at the curve of my neck. I got shivers. His arms are gently rubbing my stomach, up and down.

I ignored him and just stared outside the window. The view from the outside so much nicer, than what I’m with now.

Six months have passed, since Michelle left and now she’s back to magnetized back the person I love.

I’m like a wood, that’s burning on fire, while he’s a metal that can never be attached to me. The only thing can attached him to me, is when he’s screwed forcedly to me, and that’s what I call marriage. There goes Michelle, the magnet, that him being a metal can be pulled to her, without even getting any nearer. So what’s my chance with that?

I feel him kissed my neck. Shivers , again.

The sun have made 1/8 portion of it, already made it shown.

“You’re late.” I muttered.

“I don’t care.” he whispers. “I don’t want to leave like this.” I kept silence and let him talk.

"I'm fine. Always has been." I was never good at pretending, being strong. But it's my only choice now.

He says “I don’t want to hide things.”

“You’re not hiding things. In fact, I can see them clearly.” I replied, still not facing him.

“I need you.” I sighed on the thought that he only needs me. And who does he love? He swiftly pushed me to face him. “Please, understand. There are so many things going on right now. I need you to understand me.”

“For how long, Brian? I think I’m the only one, always accepting things and adjusting my knowledge to every single shit.”

“I need more of it.”

I sighed dropping my eyes from him to the ground. “I’m consistent you know that. And I know for being like that I’m torturing myself..” I paused. “I’m cool with this.” I held up my bruised hand. “but here?” I pointed on my chest. “I don’t know. I might die.”

“What do you want me to do?” he asked. Now his voice is in a different level.

“I never asked you to do something, Brian. You’re older than me, you know more than I do.”

His hands slowly let go of the tight grasps of it to my both arms..

“Be safe.” I softly muttered.

I turned my back to him and go back at watching the sun.

I don’t know how long it was, but It was pretty long, when I heard the door opens and closes. He already left.

I exhaled heavily. That’s all I need now.

I let a several minutes passed first, before I removed the tube and the needles in my hand. I want to go somewhere else. I need a safe place. And hospital is not that place. It does hurt removing the needles, but what is more painful the needles or the reason why I’m here?

I took the bag on the couch. It has my clothes in it, brought by Amerie. I noticed another large brown bag on the side.

Curiosity eats me, and I opened it. When I took it out, I see different colors of dream catchers. There’s also a box that’s full of vintage rings.

I pushed it off for a while. I took off the hospital gown and change into my clothes. Thankfully, it’s a hood. Nurse won’t notice me.

I put everything in the bag, including the stuffs Brian brought.

Just like in hotels, I put a god amount of $500 on the bed. I think that’s more than enough for my bill here. Then I left the room.

---

I reached the place where I needed the most now. It’s the church. I remember, together with Mom and Dad, I always, go here to tell God, my worries, my sins, my wishes and ask for a sign. Today I’m going to ask for one.

The front door is close, so I decided to go to the secret door at the.

“You’re too early.” Bobby the care-taker, greeted. He has been a friend of mine, ever since.

“Yeah. I need him, now.” I smiled.

“Alright.” he opened the door for me.

I march the isle until I reached the center and take a sit. I took the hood and the bag off before kneeling on the red cushion.

I start my prayers. On my thoughts, I was asking, for a sign too give up on Brian or go on. I don’t know for how long should I hold on to him, but I can feel that there’s so much of storms are ahead of me. I’m not afraid of those, what I’m afraid of is me being the only one, fighting and wanted to go on, while he wanted to let me go.