Our Goodbye's

I went to the skills challenge the next day with Bailey and Clinton. Neither of them asked where I was the night before or mentioned James. After we finished dinner, James walked me to my room and kissed my cheek without saying anything. He didn’t know I was in the stands surrounded by thousands of screaming fans, wearing a plain jersey with his name and number under it.

Truthfully, I bought a penguins t-shirt with his name on the back right after he was traded. It was something no one knew and I kept it in the back of my closet. I wore it when I watched him play and once when I missed him but fought the urge to break down and call him. I felt a rush of adrenaline when he took the ice and showed off his skills. He wasn’t the best, but no one expected him to be.

The next day was the draft. I was supposed to go with Drake to tour the locker rooms and meet the guys before they played. He came to my room ten minutes before we had to leave, only to fin me wearing a pair of soffee shorts and a sports bra. I had no idea what to wear.

“Just wear jeans and the jerseys we got.” He said in a voice that said it was obvious. I sighed and glared at him. He was right. I slipped on a pair of jeggings and my jersey. On the back it said Berkeley with the number 12. We took off after that and arrived at the arena with only two minutes to spare. Bailey was already there, making sure the stage and sound was set up right.

We were led into the locker rooms and met Chara’s team first. Patrick Kane recognized me right away and when I passed him, he wrapped me in a hug from behind and I scream lightly, taken off guard.

“Room 239 after the game. I’ll leave the door unlocked.” He said out loud and most of the guys looked shocked.

“I already promised someone else I’d see them after the game but if they disappoint I’ll come to you.” I replied and he set me down. Everyone laughed and Drake shook his head.

“Is the guy on this team?” H asked and I shook my head in response before giving Tyler Seguin a man hug. Downie came over next and hit my shins with his stick.

“You take care of everything yet?” He asked.

“Mostly. Its getting better.” I replied and wished him good luck. I caught up with Drake after that and we approached Zdeno Chara. At 6’ 9”, he was over a foot tall than me and the top of my head barely grazed his chest when he had his skates on.

“Let me get on your shoulders.” I said to Drake and pushed him down so I could try to get on. He looked at me like I was crazy, but still lifted me. Chara looked at him strangely, and then saw me. He laughed as we walked over and I was finally eye to eye with him.

“You’re finally as tall as me.” He said and gave me a hug. I nodded and posed for a picture. Drake smiled as I gave a thumb up and Chara put his arms around my shoulders. After sliding off of his shoulders, we walked across the arena and stepped into Alfredsson’s locker room. Steven gave me a hug that pulled me off the floor and Kris smirked at me as we passed. Claude pretended to get out his wallet and gave me a fist bump as we said hello. James was taping his stick when I passed. He gave me a shy smile and waved me over.

“I hope you wear that exact outfit when you perform.” He said. “None of that daisy duke crap. I can’t have half the NHL looking at your ass.” He joked and I rolled my eyes.

“Good luck tonight. You number looks good on my back.” I said and smirked. “Black and gold are my colors, way better than green.” I finished and walked away, making sure to shake my hips more than usual.

“Him?” Drake asked. I nodded slightly and tried to hide the blush on my cheeks. He just nodded and followed a man to the suit we were staying in until we had to perform.

The first two periods were like every other All-Star game. Too many goals were scored and none of the guys took it seriously. Halfway through the second we were escorted down to the runways and waited for the period to end and the stage to be set up. I switched into my shorts and tucked the front of my jersey in. Clinton tied my black converse as part of tradition and by the time we quickly ran though the routine, the period ended. Drake walked out first and greeted the crowd before performing his new song, Headlines. As soon as he finished and caught his breathe, he introduced me.

“Next, I’d like to introduce you all to a new artist and one of my close friends, Berkeley!” Drake said and I strutted onto the stage, hearing the crowd get even louder. Some of the guys were shocked to see the amount of bare leg I was showing and I smiled as wide as I could. The music started and I switched into performing mode. The song was engraved into my brain. Drake and I performed his newest single, Take Care, for the large crowd.

By the time we were finished; I was out of breath and could see the shocked stares of all the guys I knew. No one but James knew I could really sing like that and they were extremely surprised. We said goodbye and walked off the stage. After a few quick interviews, I was able to take a breather in the hallway.

“You should have seen his face when you started singing.” Drake said from down the hall. I looked up at him and tilted my head. “James. He looked so shocked to see you up there. Hasn’t he seen you perform before?”

“I used to sing in our apartment in Dallas but never in front of crowds. The first time I sang for other people was in Los Angeles.” I told him. Drake looked surprise but let the subject drop. Thirty minutes later the game was over. Ten minutes after that I was sitting in the players lounge with Clinton and Bailey. Drake had to take off for a show in Miami.

Claude was the first guy out, followed by Steven and Downie. They all made a beeline towards me, seeing as they had no significant other. Claude reached me first and pulled me into a bear hug before letting me back down. Steve and Downie just stood behind him with their jaws dropped.

“Why didn’t we know you could sing like that?” Stamkos asked. Downie nodded along with him and I just laughed and shrugged. I never flaunted my talent around. James walked out next and I swore my heart stopped. He was wearing a plain dark blue suit with a shiny navy blue tie. His hair was still damp at the ends and he had his phone in one hand.

“I better see you up in Ontario this summer.” Downie said in a stern voice, but had a smile on his lips. I smiled back but didn’t respond. Steven squeezed my hand before they both walked away, leaving me alone with James. He didn’t say anything, but grabbed my elbow and pulled me out of the room, only stopping to wave to Clinton. I followed him out of the arena and into the parking lot.

“I have to leave tonight.” James said and turned towards me. I was leaning against the back of my rental car and took a deep breathe. “I thought we were leaving tomorrow morning, but the coaches in Pittsburgh want us back earlier to work on something.” He explained and stood in front of me, his hands on the top of the car above my head. He looked down at me as I opened my mouth.

“When tonight, like in a couple of hours or in the middle of the night?” I asked and laid my hands on his chest. We were just getting close again and now I had no idea what was going to happen. I wanted to be more than friends with him again, but my life in L.A. was almost too hectic to keep long distance relationships.

“I have to go to the airport with Kris and Geno in ten minutes.” He whispered and I closed my eyes. I had to say good bye again. I didn’t want to say goodbye again. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, trying to fight off a random tear. James saw right through me and wiped the tears building under my eyes.

“I don’t want you to leave.” I whispered.

“Come to Pittsburgh.” He said. I stood up straight and dropped my hands from his chest. He couldn’t possibly want me to follow him. I had a life and a career in California. There was no way I could go to Pittsburgh, even for a few days.

“James I can’t.” I said and tried to break free of his presence, but his hands grabbed my arms and held me in place. My eyes refused to look at his face. If I did, I would most likely change my mind.

“Only for a few days, Ash. Please. I need to know it wouldn’t have worked out. I need this.” He pleaded and put a hand on the side of my face. I shook my head softly and held in a cry. I couldn’t go. If it didn’t work out I would be right back were I started a year ago. I couldn’t go back to the way I was. I was just starting to feel better.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered and kissed his lips softly before walking away. He stepped back and let me go, watched me go, for the second time. No footsteps were heard behind me as I walked across the empty parking lot and back into the arena.

All I need was for him to follow me. One last look in his eyes would have made me drop everything, but again I chose my career over him. I walked away knowing he wouldn’t follow. He had too much pride to beg and I had too much pride to listen.