Our Goodbye's

I boarded an early fight that night. Clinton and Bailey noticed something had happened, but said nothing. They knew it was better to not ask me questions. First class suddenly seemed too big. The empty seat next to me smelled like him and the man in front of me laughed like him. I declared I was going crazy.

One weekend was enough to erase one year. Sleeping the same bed, pressed against him, reminded me of a life before the spotlight. Our few talks cleared everything up and I hoped he forgave me. Asking me to go to Pittsburgh was his peace treaty. If I would have accepted it everything would have been forgotten. We would have gone back to normal. Maybe in a few weeks we would be dating again and in another year we could be engaged.

My hands pulled my bag from the floor between my feet and I grabbed my Vera Bradley wristlet from the bottom. James gave it to me for Valentines Day the first year we dated. We were only official for two weeks before than and it was perfect. Inside I kept my phone and iPod during flights and bus rides. This time I didn’t pull out my phone or iPod, I pulled out a contacts case. I don’t wear glasses.

Inside was my engagement ring. I laid it in the palm of my hand and stared at it. Inside the diamond was the life I threw away. The life that was perfect and I always dreamed of. Inside was the family I didn’t have, but it also held the future. A ring of second chances I called it at that moment. He told me to keep the ring so I could remember what I gave up, but I also knew he let me keep it for a piece of hope.

James was a man of second chances. If someone asked for forgiveness he gave it without a second thought. The second time they asked, he refused. Second chances were all you got with him and I just blew mine. I closed my fist around the ring and put everything back in my bag. The plane had yet to take off; people were still boarding the back of the large plane. Bailey and Clinton eyed me from across the isle and stood up when I did.

“I have to go to Pittsburgh.” I said and started to walk off the plane. I ignored the flight attendants and walked back into the airport. Clinton and Bailey were right behind me, running to keep up with my long strides.

“You have a show and meetings tomorrow night.” Bailey said and surfed through her blackberry. I rolled my eyes and grabbed her phone out of her hands. She had no time to yell before I dropped it in the nearest garbage can.

“I have a second chance. I can not ruin it.” I told her and took off the find the service desk. I needed to be on the next plane to Pittsburgh.

~~~James~~~

We stepped off our plane at three in the morning and had to be at Consol at 7. Kris and Geno said a quick goodbye before quickly going to their houses, hoping they could get a few hours of sleep. I knew I would get no sleep that night, or for the next nights to come. It didn’t hurt as bad this time. When she walked away I knew she had a reason. I finally had closure, but I didn’t accept it. I still loved her even after all the shit we went through.

I was giving her an out, a second chance. I already forgave her and forgot everything that happened. All she needed to do was get on the plane and come to Pittsburgh. We could start over and have the life we should have had. But again she got scared of losing her dream and the gamble of everything working was to great.

I sighed to myself and looked around the darkness of my room. My house was empty. No rooms were used upstairs and the only reason I go up there is to get them ready for my family. My room was connected to the living room and I still slept on a mattress on the floor. Furniture shopping was too boring and too much work for me. The time on my clock read 6:48. I had an hour until I should have been at the rink.

With no sleep I knew my eyes had bags and my movements were sluggish. I didn’t even taste the bowl of cereal I ate while watching a recap of the All Star games. My TV was shut off the minute she came on the screen. The drive to the arena was long and boring. Every radio station played her songs or talked about her.

Very few guys were in the locker room when I stepped in. Kris and Geno had yet to arrive and Nisky wasn’t there. Sid was at his locker, tying his skates, getting ready for his skate before we had to practice.

“How was your first All-Star game?” He asked with a smile. I shrugged and tried to smile back.

“Fun, but its good to be back. I’d rather play in a regular season game than a game that doesn’t matter and no one takes seriously.” I said and pulled my skates out of my bag. Sid nodded and laughed.

“That is exactly why I don’t mind missing every year. And the spotlight is just a little over the top.” He said before grabbing his stick and walking out to the ice. I slowly pulled all my gear on and finally people started pouring in the room. Guys were tan and all smiles from their 5 day vacations in tropical places. They were the smart ones, hoping they wouldn’t be voted for so they could enjoy their families. At 9 we were all on the ice, doing drills and sucking wind. Halfway through practice I noticed Matt wasn’t there.

“Where’s Nisky?” I asked Matt Cooke and he just shrugged.

“He texted me something about a family emergency and said he would be in later for press conferences.” Pascal said and skated up next to me. He rested his body weight against his stick and looked at me.

“I heard you had a little thing going on with one of the performers.” Pascal said in a low voice. I refused to make eye contact and attempted to skate away, but Matt stuck his hand out and kept me in place.

“We all care about you, and with Crosby coming back soon, we need you to be on your game.” Matt said and balanced me back in place. No one noticed us in the corner of the rink and I swear coach even nodded at one of them.

“Whether you play with this girl by your side or on the other side of the country, you better play like the beginning of the season. We talked to Matt.” Pascal said.

“He told us that she left right before you got traded and after that you played like shit. By the looks of her not coming to Pittsburgh, I’m guessing she walked away again.” Matt explained and I shrugged.

“You can’t play like shit. We have the best chance of winning the cup again this year and you can’t be sulking about some girl. If you want her back, chase her. We have three days until our next game.” Pascal said. I knew then that they were telling me this for the team. They were doing this in private so I wasn’t embarrassed, but everyone knew it was happening.

“I’m not chasing her. She made it clear both times she wanted a different life. She doesn’t want to be a hockey, trophy wife. Ashton isn’t going to sit in my house here and do nothing but go shopping all day. She wants a life in California. There is nothing here for her.” I said and started to skate away. This time they let me.

“You’re here. Matt told us she still loves you and that is enough to follow someone.” Pascal said, twenty feet behind me. I closed my eyes and turned around half way.

“I love her but you don’t see me on the next plane to play for the Kings. It doesn’t work like that for everyone.” I told them. Matt shook his head and Pascal smiled.

“I’d kick your ass if you were on a plane to L.A.” A voice said from behind me. “The Kings are barely in the playoffs and you can’t give up playing for a team like this.” They finished and I turned around slowly. Nisky stood in the bench with Ashton right in front of him. She had a smirk on her face and he crossed his arms.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, but didn’t move. She shrugged and sat on the wall. Her thin body was covered in skinny jeans tucked into UGG boots and a loose zip up hoodie over a white tank top. Her hair was curled and held out of her face by a headband.

“I was supposed to do a show tonight for some different record labels, but decided I already had one I could work with. Besides, I’ve wanted to do a collaboration with Wiz Khalifa and Mac Miller for awhile now. Pittsburgh isn’t too bad I guess. The weather will get some getting used to. You know how much I hate snow.” She said like it was no big deal. It was no big deal she was in Pittsburgh, talking to me, and sitting thirty feet away. I shook my head and stayed standing in the middle of the ice. Most of the guys stared at her in shock.

“There hasn’t been too much snow this year. How is Clinton ever going to live in a city dominated by single women?” I asked in a smart ass tone. She glared at me and hopped off the wall, onto the ice.

“Clinton will live. I’m sure he will find a gay man somewhere if he decides to come out here. Bailey said she doesn’t want to come until she knows it’s for good. They said they don’t want to take anymore gambles on us. Apparently we are unstable and crazy.” She said and Matt started laughing. We were crazy and unstable.

“Why are you here?” I asked again. She shrugged and pulled something out of her pocket. She held it up between to fingers and looked at it. Her engagement ring shined in the harsh lights of the arena. Matt looked shocked that she still had it and I was surprised she would bring it here.

“When you gave this back you said I should keep it so I remember what I threw away. Every time I looked at this ring I saw the life I could have and should have had. At first I thought you gave it to me as closure. As if you were saying good bye, but I knew that wasn’t the reason after the game yesterday.

When I was on the plane I realized this was a second chance. You constantly give people second chances and this was mine. This is hope that we could have what I was too scared to keep. But I’m not 21 anymore. I already have had a taste of Hollywood and to be honest I hate it. I don’t want to be a WAG, but I don’t want to be in the spotlight either. So maybe I need to be here. Maybe Pittsburgh is the happy medium.” She finished and stood in front of me. She grabbed my hand and dropped the ring in my palm.

The ice was silent and I could see Pascal and Matt staring at us from the corner of my eye. Everyone was waiting, waiting for my decision. She came back for me. She did the running I was too scared to do. Ashton was ready to meet me in the middle. She was right, we weren’t young anymore. We had our dreams now and didn’t need to fight to reach them.

I smiled and pressed my lips to hers. Pittsburgh was our medium. Pittsburgh was where we needed to be this entire time. Now she could finally be here and I could finally have the life I knew we both dreamed of.