Breach

A punch. A kick. A shout of anger and disgust. That is what I expect to come from Antony after my confession. Annie, however, has always been full of surprises.

Instead Antony chuckles. He chuckles, as if I’m joking with him. It must be how he sees it, that it’s a joke but it isn’t. What the hell makes him think I’d joke about something like this? Guys don’t mess around saying things like that.

I would rather die than say that to Mick, even as a joke. It’s weird. I am not that desperate.

Antony must not think the same way I do though because he says through his chuckles, “And here I thought you were being serious.”

Through his voice I hear slight anger, an emotion I expected. This anger seems to be more geared at me being “not serious” than admitting that I have a big gay crush on him. Again, not what I expected.

“I am!” I shout, a bit angrier than I had wanted to. Antony looks to me with confusion. His eyes scan me over momentarily, for what I’m not sure. Perhaps he found it or perhaps he didn’t. I’m not sure.

Antony shakes his head. “You shouldn’t mess with an old man like this. You might give me a heart attack.”

His joke pisses me off. It pisses me off enough to prove what I said with the only way I can think of. Without warning or any mental preparation for Antony, or myself I kiss him.

I move so quick that I even surprise myself. Before Antony can react my hands are on his cheeks to keep him from pulling away or maybe it was to pull him closer? Hell if I know. My mind is buzzing crazily, crazily enough that I don’t know left from right.

Our lips touch and I can say that this kiss is different from others I’ve had. My heart is racing quicker and the feeling of fear far outweighs the embarrassment. I tell myself to enjoy the feeling while I can. I’m sure this is the only time I’ll find myself kissing Annie like our lives depended on it.

In my mind I can picture Antony shoving me away and in disgust, leaving me with a few choice words. Every worst possible outcome keeps flashing through my head and it only makes me want to kiss him more. It’s going to be the one kiss I get after all.

Have I mentioned though how Antony is full of surprises? Because he seems to be doing the exact opposite of what most guys would do in this situation.

He hasn’t pushed me away. In fact he doesn’t seem to be moving at all. I go to pull away, to try and ask him if he believes me now or not but I barely have time to catch my breath before I feel a hand placing itself on the back of my neck.

Suddenly I’m being pulled in for another much more passionate kiss. This time I’m not the only one applying pressure but Antony seems to be happily kissing back. I’m trying to think of reasons why he would be. Is this payback for thinking I’m messing with him? What’s going through his head?

But right now my legs are shaking so much they feel like jelly. I have to reach behind Antony to grab onto the chair to keep myself from falling to my knees.

Antony runs his tongue across the seam of my lips. Maybe if I were in my right mind I wouldn’t have the guts to give him what he wants. However, lucky for him and maybe lucky for me as well, I don’t think I could even spell my name right now with how messed up my head is.

I part my lips for him. I can’t breathe and I’m not sure if it’s because we’ve been kissing for so long or how amazing it feels to have Antony’s tongue running over every crevice of my mouth. I can’t keep myself from moaning in a way that makes me slightly embarrassed.

The sound seems to coax Antony to continue his assault. Suddenly, without warning, Antony pulls away. I nearly topple into the now empty chair Antony was occupying moments ago. The only sound is our heavy breathing.

I don’t know what to say. There’s actually a lot that I could say, or rather ask but I’m not sure where to start.

Antony starts for me though. “You can keep the key,” he says and when I look up I see that his face is red from a blush. I’m sure mine is matching in color. “And if you don’t come over or use some bullshit excuse not to see me I swear I’ll kick you out.”

I bite my lip to hold back a smile. He isn’t mad. He didn’t kick me out. He kissed back…shit we made out. My face burns up remembering it. Neither of us say what we are though. Are we dating? Are we not? I want to ask but I figure that we’ve both been through enough today.

“I’m going to bed,” Antony says more to himself than me. I nod to show I heard him and he silently exits the room. It seems he doesn’t want to confirm what we are either.

It must be strange for him though. We are ten years apart. We are also both men, which doesn’t seem to bother me as much as I thought it did. I was overreacting before that’s all. After that kiss I can’t find a problem in liking Antony.

My mind is already in the gutter.

I make my way to the guest bedroom or rather my bedroom because that’s what it is. I’m not returning to my dads tonight or probably any night to come.

I’d rather stay here with the confusing feelings. As long as I’m with Annie everything is fine.