Back to the Start

I hear an insistent tapping on the window. It's barely even light yet. Maybe it's a tree. Wouldn't be the first time. So I ignore it and try to go back to sleep. But it doesn't stop, and it's consistent. 

Frustrated, I get out of bed. What the hell. "Garrett? What are you doing here? It's not even bright out yet. I thought you guys are supposed to be in LA for another day. Or two."

"Can I come in first?", he asks wincing. "It's been a while, and this kind of hurts."

"Oh. Right. Sorry.", I say blushing, pushing the window open more to let him in. 

"Oomph.", falling in with a thump. "Ow. That hurt."

"What do you want? I wasn't supposed to wake up for another hour."

"We need to talk. Please. Can you come with me to the park? We can watch the sunrise instead of the stars."

"Gare. You shouldn't even be here. I'm tired. Why couldn't this wait for another few hours?"

"Please.", he begs. "I'm tired too. And you know I wouldn't ask you unless its important."

"Fine. I need to change. Hold on."

"No. No time if we want to see the sun. Take my sweater."

Ignoring my protests, he throws his sweater at me and pulls me back towards the window. Signing, I jump out behind him. It almost feels like high school again. 

He walks to a dark car and pulls out the keys. I raise my eyebrows at him. "New car?"

He shakes his head. "I promise everything will be explained. Just get in the car. I know it's fast to walk. But it's still faster to drive. And my guitar is in there, and I'll be needing that later."

Ok. Now I'm really confused, but too tired to argue. I just get in the car and let him drive us to the park. 

By the time we're settled in the park, the sky is turning brilliant shades of purples, pinks, and oranges. "I almost forgot what this looked like.", I murmur. Then I hear the sound of the guitar. 

Went outside and saw the stars
And it made me think of you
And the rain it came, and came
There you were inside my brain
I've been thinking of you
I've been thinking of you
Drive there in my car
Went outside and saw the stars
And it made me think of you
Then the rain it came, and came
There you were inside my brain
I've been thinking of you
I've been thinking of you
Drive there in my car
Play that Adams song
The times they are a-changing
But you still haven't changed your mind
So I sat and sang along
I was singing along
I've been thinking of you
I've been thinking of you
Cause you're in my head
And I can't take it
I need you by my side, yeahh
So I'll take the 10 and I'll drive 'till dawn
To show you I'm the one
Went outside and saw the stars
And it made me think of you
I've been thinking of you
I've been thinking of you
Play that Adams song
The times that you were dreaming
But you still haven't changed your mind
So I sang and sang along
I was singing along
I've been thinking of you
I've been thinking of you
Cause you're in my head
And I can't take it
I need you by my side, yeahh
So I'll take the chance and I'll drive 'till dawn
To show you I'm the one
Went outside and saw the stars
And it made me think of you. 

He just sang for me. And his voice has gotten so much better since Short Bus. But..."that's not how the song goes.", I say. What else can I say?

I see his face flush. "No. But...it fits us better. I've been driving all night. That's Dirk's car. Sam told me that you met some guy Kyle. And...that you had a date. I wasn't kidding about what I told you before I left. And I haven't been able to get you out of my mind. Please Rachael. I'm asking you one more time. Please. Just give us another chance. The boys and Sam are still in LA. I just...needed to see you before you went out with that Kyle. And try again. I don't think I'll ever stop trying again after now."

Should I tell him that Kyle is his cousin? But Kyle told me that he didn't want them to know yet, so I'll keep my mouth shut. But...what do I say to that?

"Rach? Please say something. Anything at all."

"Gare...that was sweet. So sweet. But...I said I'd go on the date with him. And I'm going. You shouldn't even be the one asking for another chance. I should. But I'm not. I really do want you to be happy. You didn't talk to Falyn at all, did you?"

"How could I?", he replies miserably. "When you're the one who has been running nonstop through my mind?"

"Gare. Please. I'm not good for you. Don't give me your heart again. It'll end up breaking both of us, and worse than last time."

"You've always had it.", he says quietly. "And you always will. It's always been up to you. Since the day we met." He starts to get up. 

"Gary. Wait.", I say as he turns around to leave. 

He stops and looks back at me. "Is what you're going to say something I want to hear?"

Biting my lips, I reply. "No. Probably not."

He shakes his head. "Then don't." And he walks away again. Stopping one more time to look at me, he asks, "Can you tell me where you guys are going?"

"I--I'm sorry. I don't think that's a smart idea."

Smiling sadly at me, "You're probably right. But Rachael. Know that I'll be here waiting. No matter what. From now on. Just say the word."

After he leaves, I stay at the park a little longer, staring at the sky, now turning blue. Does he really still love me? How can he even love me? I just can't wrap my head around that concept. I finally get up and walk slowly back home. 

"Sweetie! Is that you? Where've you been? It's so early."

"Just around mom. Walking and thinking. Not a big deal."

"We didn't even hear you leave."

"It was early mom. Around the sunrise time.", sighing. "Can I go back to my room now? I'm tired."

But then my dad comes down. "Wants to go to her bedroom?", he jokes. "Well, that's sure new. It's usually the other way around."

"Hi daddy.", I walk over to give him a hug. "Good morning."

"Hey sweetheart. You're still doing those early morning runs?"

My dad and I used to do them together, but then he decided he was "too old" to still be doing them during my freshman year at ASU. "Yes daddy. I'm not too old yet.", I reply sweetly. 

"Don't mock me.", he tries to say sternly. 

"Yes daddy. Can I go get some sleep now?"

With a ruffling of my hair and an absentminded kiss on the forehead, he waves me away. When I was younger, I was always a daddy's girl. It was the relationship with my mom that was always more strained. She never liked my grades, my hobbies, my friends, my boyfriend, or anything that I did, really. But daddy was always busy, as was my mom. He just never handled me like she did, ok with my activities as long as I was happy,  my grades stayed decent, I stayed out of trouble, and didn't do anything dangerous. 

Flopping tiredly onto my bed, I turn up my music so the lyrics would crowd the thoughts out of my brain. 

When I wake up again, the sun is blazing in the sky and my phone has many unread texts and missed calls. 

Sam. Sam. Sam. Pat. Jared. Sam. Sam. Kyle. Seeing Kyle's name, I open it up and read it. "Good morning gorgeous." When was this sent? Oh. An hour ago. What time is it now? Past eleven. Oops. 

I type a quick response and clamber out of bed and head towards the bathroom. The rest of them can wait. By the time I was out of the shower, my phone was buzzing with even more texts. Sam asking me if I was alive, Kyle, if Garrett spoke to me yet. Wait. She knew about Garrett? Then Pat and Jared and the other guys are asking me if he's with me. And Dirk wants to know if his car is still intact. And Sam now just wants to make sure I'm alive and to reply to her texts. And a new one from Kyle! Dinner at eight. He wants to pick me up. Uhh...I reply to him again. "Can I just meet you there? There may be things I need to take care of first." 

And another text from Sam. I can practically hear her screeching at me. "Rach! Neither you nor Garrett are answering your phones! For Gare it may be normal, but not for you! Are you guys having sex?! Stop. Or don't. But just answer your damn phone!"

My face is burning up now. "I talked to him. But I don't know where he is now. I said no. And I have a date today. Why did you let him come back? He should've stayed and had fun in LA."

"Let him go back? I encouraged it. Rach. No matter what you or anyone else says, the kid is head over heels in love with you. Probably always was. He would've ruined our day by moping around anyways."

Seriously? How could she do this to me? To put my response off for a minute, I look at Kyle's new text. "Real Bar and Grill. Awesome live music. And sure. I'll be there at eight. I'll see you then."

Alright. Now for Sam. "Ok. But you shouldn't have encouraged him to come back! I have a date with Kyle tonight and now I feel all guilty and shit. Ughh."

"Oh yea. Your new boy toy. Where's he taking you?"

"Real Bar and Grill. I haven't been there in years. Well, really since the boys were formed and had their first gig there. John never wanted to go back. He said the fog freaked him out. But it was awesome." I giggle at the memory. John was ready to pee his pants at the time. 

"Ok. Well. Text the boys back and tell them Gary didn't die driving? No need to text Kenny. I'm with him right now. But the others are somewhere else. They won't believe me unless you confirm what I'm saying."

That sounds like Pat. So I quickly tell the other guys that Garrett made it back to Tempe, but that I didn't know where he is now. 

So what do I do today until my date? I really need more friends.