I'm Just a Kid Who Tried Too Hard

“Do you remember when you went to college? Do you remember the first time you had a fight with your boyfriend?”

I sat in my dorm dialling John’s number for the fifth time. No one answered…again. Something about this didn’t seem right. He promised he would ring every night.
“Katie! Come on, you haven’t gone to one party since the start of this semester” My roommate Grace, sat in front of her mirror applying her makeup. I looked down at the phone in my hand. I really wanted to talk to John. We had no choice but to go to two different colleges. I hadn’t spoken to him all week.
“I know I haven’t, I’m sorry. I just really need to talk to him Grace.” I said ringing the number that I had learnt off by heart now. It rang three times before someone picked up.
“Hello?” said an unfamiliar voice.
“Hi, is John there?” I said politely making Grace roll her eyes. I heard mumbling in the background before the voice answered me.
“Uh, no sorry. He’s uh out”
Bullshit.
“Well when you see him, tell him he’s an asshole!” I said harshly before hanging up. I walked over to Grace as she applied her mascara.
“Help me find something to wear. I coming with you.” I said frustrated. Grace squealed and led me over to her closet.

---

Grace pulled my arm as we walked into a house infested with drunken idiots. Out of all the things she could have chosen for me to wear, it HAD to be the most revealing outfit she could find. I started feeling a little nauseous. Social events had never been my strong point.
“Grace, I’m probably going to need a drink if you expect me to actually communicate with people” I mumbled making Grace laugh.

I wasn’t sure what it was that Grace made me, but I was onto my 4th drink and I was starting to feel like a completely different person.
I was dancing around to shitty music with people who were pretty much complete strangers when my phone began ringing from my pocket. I looked at the caller ID and saw the name JOHN printed across my screen. I stumbled to the backyard before answering.
“What?” I said bitterly into the phone.
“Kate, it’s me” John spoke cautiously.
“What do you want?” I slurred
“I…Just wanted to appolig-” He paused “Are you drunk?”
“Why would YOU care?
“Katelyn, are you kidding me? You’re my girlfriend why wouldn’t I care?” He said sounding hurt
“If you care so much, why have you been ignoring my calls, huh?” I mumbled
“I haven’t been ignoring you babe, I’ve been so busy, I swear I would never ignore you” The sound of his voice was reassuring but drunk me wasn’t having any of it.
“Whatever John” I said hanging up.
I needed another drink.

---

I woke up the next day in the afternoon. The sound of Grace’s music was making the thumping in my head pound harder. I rolled over to face the wall letting my eyes fall open.
“Katie honey, I left some painkillers on your table for you” Grace said, her voice practically singing “Oh and there’s someone here to see you.” I could hear the smirk in her voice. I lay on my back not bothering to open my eyes.
“If there name starts with J, tell them to go away.” I heard Grace chuckle under her breath. Suddenly I felt a weight on the end of my bed. I sat up to see a lanky boy sitting awkwardly on the end of my bed. By the look of his face I could tell he hadn’t slept yet.
“What if they spent all night driving here? Do they have to leave then?” he said rubbing the back of his neck. A smile crept on my face. Grace took this as her cue to leave.
“I’m sorry” I whispered, feeling really stupid. John linked his hand with mine.
“No, I’m sorry. I haven’t been able to speak to you in so long.”
“It doesn’t matter” I said moving over to kiss him. The innocent kiss was quickly heated as John moved forward. His tongue was eagerly asking for permission which I accepted. God, I had missed him. John pulled away with a questioning look on his face.
“You got drunk last night.” He said as a goofy grin appeared on his face. I nodded my head embarrassed. “ I wish I was there to see that” He said laughing forcing me to playfully hit his arm.
I wish he didn’t have to go back.


“Do you remember that night you and your boyfriend went to visit your parents. Do you remember how that night was the beginning of something big?”


John grabbed my hand as we stood on my doorstep. God I hadn’t been here for a while. I looked up at John smiling as I rang the doorbell.
Within seconds the door was swung opened followed by a squeal from my mother. She ran forward putting me into a bone crushing hug then turning to John to do the same.
“Hi ma” I said smiling. She led us into the dining room where my father was sitting down at the table.
“Daddy!” I yelled running up to him giving him a hug making him laugh. He reached over to shake John’s hand… John looked nervous.

We sat down at the table as my mother forced an enormous amount of food into us. I sat describing everything about the new apartment John and I had bought together and everything about my new job. John sat oddly quiet as I talked.
“Oh! I almost forgot!” My mother exclaimed, grabbing my hand and dragging me upstairs to my old bedroom. As soon as I stepped through the door I was confronted by a box sitting on my bed.
“I know your father and I weren’t able to see you for you 21st birthday so we decided we’d wait to give you our present” She said smirking.
I walked over the box, opening it. There it was. The exact vintage typewriter I had wanted since I was 13.
“Oh my god!” I squealed “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I ran over squeezing her into a hug.
“Your father is the one who tracked it down” My mother said smiling sweetly. Quickly, I turned on my heel running downstairs into the dining room.
“I love you so much dad!” I exclaimed bursting through the door. My dad looked up at from John to me smiling at my remark. He and John were sitting awfully close. I felt as if I had interrupted an important conversation.
“What are you guys talking about?” I said curiously.
John quickly spoke up before my dad could say anything.
“Football”
I narrowed my eyes at him “Sureeee”

---

I looked away from the TV in my old bedroom to look over a John. He was sitting fidgeting with his hands. Something didn’t feel right.
“Is everything okay John?” I said reaching for his hand. He nodded his head as I linked my fingers with his.
“Your hands are really sweaty” I said scrunching up my face. John let out a nervous laugh before turning to face the TV. Something was definitely up. I decided to let it slide. I convinced myself that if it was important he would tell me.

“I’m just going to go brush my teeth” I said getting up from my bed. John silently nodded his head.
I hummed to myself while I brushed my teeth in the bathroom. It felt weird to be home again.
After I had put my pyjamas on, I walked back into my bedroom. John was standing in the centre of the room holding a guitar with an awkward smile on his face. I walked up to him with an unsure look on my face.
“John, is everything okay?”
He leant over kissing my forehead.
“I was talking to your dad before…” He said trailing off. “..and I uh decided tonight would be the best night”
I raised one eyebrow as he spoke “What are you going on about?”
John took one step away from me before kneeling down on one knee. He started strumming on his guitar. I don’t think I had ever seen John more nervous than he was at this moment. He looked up at me as he began to sing

She thinks I'm crazy.
Judging by the faces that she's making.
And I think she's pretty.
But pretty's just part of the things she does that amaze me.
And she calls me sweetheart.
I love it when she wakes me when it's still dark.
And she watches the sun.
But she's the only one I have my eyes on.

Tell me that you love me.
And it'll be alright.
Are you thinking of me?
Just come with me tonight.
You know I need you.
Just like you need me.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming.

She moves in closer.
Whispering to me "I thought I told ya"
And oh she's playing games now.
And I figured it out now that we're
Now that we're closer.
Two kids, one love.
Who cares if we make it up.
Her voice is sweet sound.
Our clothes lay on the ground.
She moves in closer.
Whispers "I though I told ya"

Tell me that you love me.
And it'll be alright.
Are you thinking of me?
Just come with me tonight.
You know I need you.
Just like you need me.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming.

Remember the day when we started this.
And she made the shape of my heart with her hands.
We try to make some sense of it.
But she called me on the phone and said..

Tell me that you love me.
And it'll be alright.
Are you thinking of me?
Just come with me tonight.
You know I need you.
Just like you need me.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming.
Go one and tell em that you love me
And it'll be alright. I must be dreaming
Are you thinking of me.
Just come with me tonight. I must be dreaming
She moves in closer.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming.

I instantly threw my hands over my mouth. John placed his guitar down and pulled out a box from his pocket revealing a diamond softly reflecting the lights in my room.
“Katelyn, ever since the first day I met you, I knew you were different from everybody else. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was that I was feeling because I had never felt it before. I know this kind of came out of nowhere, but I can’t live without you. I love you baby. Will you take a risk and be my wife?” He said as his hands shook. I looked down at him nodding my head as I started to cry. I flung myself at him kissing him passionately.
Katelyn O’Callaghan definitely had a ring to it.


“Do you remember the day before your wedding? Do you remember leaving to pick up the flowers? Do you remember?”

The traffic was really slow today and I really needed to pick up my flowers. Organizing this wedding was really stressing me out, but just the thought of being married to John made it all worth it. I really did love him.
I sang along to the radio while I turned onto the main road to the flower shop. Something wasn’t right. My stomach dropped.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sat with my hands in my face. How long had I been here? 5 days? 6 days? I looked up from my hands as I heard footsteps come into the room.
“John O’Callaghan?” the doctor said. I nodded my head as I stared blankly at him. He sighed looking at the girl behind me. I followed his gaze looking over at the girl lying still in her bed. I picked up her limp hand, linking my finger with hers.
“Are you her husband?” he said looking up from his chart. Husband. That word lingered in my ears.
“Not yet” I choked out. A sad look grew on the doctor’s face
“…I’m really sorry to be the one who has to say this but we just got back her test results and this coma that she’s in…It’s not one that you’ll come out of. Also the internal bleeding from the impact has done damage that is irreversible. We have to take her off of life support, she really doesn’t have any longer than an hour…if that” He said looking down.
I shook my head. He’s wrong. He’s got to be wrong! Things like this can’t happen!
“I’m really sorry” he said leaving the room.
I looked over at Katie as tears started falling down my face. Even with bruises all over her body, she still looked as beautiful as the day I first met her. I leant over placing my lips on her forehead.
Ever since the car accident I had been by Katelyn’s side. I couldn’t leave. I didn’t want her to be alone when she woke up. The doctors told me to talk to her, they said it might help bring her back.
I sat asking her about our past, about all the times when we were together. I hoped she could hear me. I hoped she remembered
I brought her hands to my lips as I placed another kiss on them. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing would come out. What am I supposed to say? Goodbye? Is that what they want? For me to say goodbye to the only person who ever meant anything to me?
I took in a deep breath as tears filled the brims of my eyes.
“Even if you go, I wont stop loving you. I couldn't feel this way about anyone else” My voice cracked, letting the tears fall from my eyes. “You’ll always be Katelyn O’Callaghan to me.”

My voice was followed by the most heart wrenching sound I had ever heard, the sound of the heart monitor flat lining.
A sharp pain hit my chest, I couldn’t hold this in anymore. Doctors came in the room as I started sobbing. I took one last look at the lifeless body beside me, the lifeless body that changed my life.

“I love you”