Airplanes

The metal bars clinked behind me. I stood for a minute, looking at my new home for the next year an a half. The empty but small room contained three beds. The walls had names of old inmates who have died carved into the concrete. It looked nothing like it was portrayed as in the movies.

I am not scared. That may be a lie, but it is one that I will stick to. I’m not afraid of what happens when the lights go out. I am not afraid of what happens when the lights are on. But I am afraid of what happens when I leave here, and go back home. To my dad frowning every time we have eye contact. Or my sister smiling at me like I am her hero. Or mom, trying her best to put the past behind us even though it haunts her every day.

A loud buzz comes from above me, signaling the inmates coming back for rec. My heartbeat echos in my chest.

“Yo, Red, check it out. New boy.”

The over-sized man walks in front of me, sizing me up. His partner, Red, walks up beside him.

“New boy, What’s your name?”

“Ricky.”

My voice echos through the cot. Red looks at the over-sized man and smiles.

“Deep voice you got there, how old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“Whatcha in for?”

“Drunk driving.”

The oversized man looked back at Red and returned his smile.

“Welcome. Buddy.”

I slept with my eyes open. I don’t even believe it is called sleep, but I can’t close my eyes. There is a sound off in the distance of a man being beaten. I blink hard when the screams turn into the sounds of rape.

The oversized man’s voice bounced around in my head. Buddy. No one has ever called me that. And it feels exceptionally weird coming from a man in jail.

Red shuffles off to the side of me. I tensed. He got off his bed and walked over. My heart pounded in my chest. It beat so hard, I was surprised Red didn’t hear it. But he paid no attention to me.

“Hey, Kit?”

“What, Red?!”

“I got it. I got the plan.”

“What plan?”

“To get us outta here!”

It suddenly went quiet. Red climbed onto the oversized man- Kit’s- bed and they whispered silently.

I stared at the roof. I prayed this will be all over soon.

*****

“Ricardo Ramirez?”

I sat up. The old lady that did my prints when I first came here stood in front of the bars.

“Yeah?”

It’s hard to believe that year passed by so quickly. It was like yesterday I walked I through those barred doors and had to call this place home. But now I am facing parol. I think now I a more nervous going home than I am staying behind bars.

“Come with me.”

Dad told me several times that they had no money to bail me out. I didn’t believe him. I was never the son that most dads wish for. I never understood the meaning of the word no, I always did what I wanted to do without any regard for the people or the things that were around me. I really don’t blame him for wanting me to stay. I did the crime, and I did the time.

Red and Kit were killed. During workers release, they attempted to run off. But their timing was off. The security walked to the opposite end of the field, but they paid no attention to the red light that had just turned green. In a matter of seconds, an eighteen wheeler drove through and there is no longer a Red or a Kit.

I had the small area all to myself for about three nights before Tom arrived. Tom is in for grand theft: dog. I laughed when he said that. Stealing dogs? And going to jail for it? I laughed until he told me hat the dogs were worth. Total, the dogs were worth ten thousand dollars. He laughed when he said that.

Mitch is the next to arrive. He is short but very cocky. He bragged the first two days he was here about an unlicenced handgun. He almost peed his pants when he came face to face with Fred, who is here for an unlicenced handgun he had and used to kill all his highschool enemies. Everyone stays away from Fred. Mitch learned the hard way.

I stood and followed the old lady out of the cage into the all to familiar hall. Inmates screamed and yelled out as I walked by because they know I have a serious chance to get out. It is not a grantee, though.

If the people see that I have been punished enough, they will let me out. If I show signs of immaturity or cockiness, I get to stay. Believe it or not, staying or going is a very hard decision for me.

I walked out of the jail unit, got my wrists and ankles cuffed, and continued to follow the old lady out to the jail van. I jumped in with the help of two security guards. Other inmates who I have seen before sat quietly, like if they spoke, they’d lose their chance for freedom. I don’t think my home is any different than the jail house.

The ride was long and drawn out, with sharp turns that threatened to have me heave my lunch all over the security guards.

The van came to a sudden stop. The guards laughed when the other cuffed inmates and I tipped over and struggled to sit back on our butts. The guards grabbed an inmate and helped us out the van.

We are at a courtroom.

The floors are shiny marble. Our chains make a loud, nerve shattering noise as we walk towards the waiting area. Everyone inside is dressed in a suit and tie. The ladies have on knee length dress suits or pants suits. The inmates are forced to wear a blinding orange jumpsuit and laceless shoes. Mom brought me a pair of navy blue Vans.

Dad didn’t come to visit me as frequently as mom and my sister did. It was just like dad telling me I sealed the deal and we aren’t even father and son anymore. Grandma came to visit me. Aunt Ray came, too. But, total, in the eighteen months I have been here, dad visited me five times. Mom visited me at least fifty times, Grandma visited twenty and Aunt Ray visited around fifteen times.

The waiting room is stocked with three coffee machines, a refrigerator, and two microwaves. The people look like they haven’t slept in days. The guards even look bored.

“Ricardo Ramirez.”

I looked over to a plump man in his early forties. His hair is completely gone on the top but shaved on the sides. He has on a navy blue suit with a peach colored shirt.

He nodded at the guards and motioned for me to follow him. I stood and winced at the sound of all the chains hitting the marble floor.

I followed him to an elevator. He stepped in and I followed.

“Don’t get yourself into anymore trouble, son.”

I looked over at him. “I won’t.”

“Met your family. Some don’t seemed to thrilled to have you home.” he pressed the button on the wall and we started off.

“Not like I killed anyone.”

“Yes, but know you are going to have people expecting you to. Be prepared.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ll find out. Soon.”

The elevator stopped and he stepped out. I followed.

“Be careful.”

I wondered if he was talking about walking out of the elevator, or about something else.

******

Mom’s eyes are watering. My sister, Amarelle, isn’t there holding mom’s hand. She probably is at home, being with that fancy new babysitter mom mentioned. I’m just glad she isn’t here watching me wrapped in chains. I bet she thinks I’m coming back from a lavish vacation. Or maybe dad told her I went to jail for drunk driving and wrapping his car around that telephone pole.

“Mr. Ramirez, please step up to the stand.”

I walked, taking short quick steps to quiet down the heavy chains.

“Are you aware of what you did?”

“:Yes.”

“Tell us what you did.”

I looked up at dad. 'You irresponsible, poor excuse for a son. You made me look so bad. I thought me and you had some work to do. I’ve been trying to be a better father and you go off and get drunk? You wrap my car around a telephone pole? You don’t even care. I wouldn’t be surprised if you go to jail for murder.'

I looked over to the plump man who gave me the small lecture in the elevator. People expecting you to.

“Mr. Ramirez?”

“I... I drank -underage- and drove my dads car. Drunk driving.” I looked at dad. “I then wrapped my dads car around a telephone pole.”

“What have you learned?”

“In the five hundred forty seven and a half days I have been in jail.... I learned that with a wrongdoing, there always comes a punishment.”

“Do you regret what you did?”

“No.... What I did taught me responsibility. No one was there for me to point to so I learned to take the blow for my own actions. I feel different now. I feel like a new person.”

I looked at the man again. He was smiling and nodding at me. It made me feel good inside to have the approval of someone who has no ties to me.

“What will you do differently?”

I looked at the tall lanky woman asking me the questions. She shows no concern. I guess the only reason she is here is to get her full paycheck. I think I would do the same.

“ I-I am not going top sit here and feed you all lies. I don’t know what I am going to do differently. So far, I have taken responsibility for my action, I admitted to what I did. But I am no fortune teller I don’t know what I’ll do next but I can assure you that there is no chance you all will see me here again.”

The lady nodded her head to me and then to the judge. I looked at the plump man, he smiled at me. I looked at the small jury, they were all smiling. I looked at dad, he wasn’t smiling. He looked like he wouldn’t care if I spent the rest of my life behind bars. Moms smile seemed genuine. She really loves me.

“Mr. Ramirez, you may step down.”

I stepped down to quickly and the chains jolted my brain back into reality. I am still a prisoner I still have to live with the fact I drank and drove, putting the lives of those around me in danger. No one was killed but that telephone pole could have been a van full of children, and their blood would be on my hands.

The jury and the judge retreated to his quarters. The silent clock in my head told me exactly ten minutes passed before the jury filed back out. I inhaled and willed myself not to exhale until they told me I am free to go.

“Ricardo Ramirez, you are free to go. You will have to accomplish 1500 hours of community service, and you will have to check in with your probation officer, Mathias Kingly, before and after. If you do not finish your community service before the end of this year, or you get into major trouble before your time is up, you will be right back here. Understand?”

I was frozen. I managed out a “yes, sir” before the security guard unlocked the cuffs and removed the chains. I was lead to a back room to change.

The lady that questioned me, patted me on the shoulder. “You have a chance to make it better. Utilize it.”

I nodded, still frozen because I am now free.