Watching You

I never knew how much I have fallen for the God. The moment I laid eyes on him, from the moment we actually made an appropriate conversation. His smile, his eyes, his hair and his wisdom brought me into an eternal bliss wanting to further my feelings for him. He did not know, but I had admired him from afar. I was not fit for him, as I would never be his suitor. In honesty, I would rather be the one that watched him from afar. He did not know who I was, but I knew a lot about him. To say, I was that guardian that he would never see in his lifetime. He would never know the things that I willingly did for him. I was a fool, from what my mother tells me. I was a fool for not bringing myself forth, but I never had the courage to bring myself to stand in front of him.

When we first met when I was younger, he had kept to himself. I always thought that he never liked me, or thought of me as annoying. Honestly, I could not stop myself from gazing upon him. Perhaps that was why he did not take a liking to me. I remember that he gave me a faint smile and asked why I was gazing upon. As a shy child, I blushed and looked away, not wanting to answer him. Maybe he was going to laugh at me, and maybe he was silently judging me like everyone else did. I was not always the social one, that I left to my sisters, as they knew how to talk to people. I never had that skill, especially talking to someone as such as the son of Odin.

That was our first meeting, and he did chuckle, soon leaving me embarrassed as I sat beside the fountain we both occupied moments prior. When that happened, I had stood up and ran home, tears in my eyes. I could not help but to feel like a small child as our first meeting did not go according to plan. I was still a child then.

Our first proper meeting was years later, at that same fountain. We were both much older, and it seemed like he did not remember me. This time I did not stare at him, or acknowledged his presence, I kept my eyes focused on the words that were located in the book I was reading. Now I do not remember what I was reading about because I was too focused on not trying to gaze upon him.

“This seems familiar,” he had said, causing me to look up at him. He was gazing upon me now, and I felt a lump in my throat. He was looking at me. That was my dream for him to actually acknowledge me once. He went on to say, “You were here when you were younger. I cannot forget those curious blue eyes and how they looked like they were tearing up when I asked you something.”

My lip quivered, and I simply shut my book as he made me remember our first meeting. “I apologise for that, Loki,” I had said nervously before gathering my things. I looked down at my book, and soon felt a pressure on my shoulder from where he placed his hand. My gaze was brought to him, and his eyes were burning into my own. I felt weak, and I shivered under his touch.

“No need to apologise,” he told me, “There is no rush, you can stay. Let’s not make these meeting as strange as the first, shall we?” He smiled at me, and I seemed to melt. My cheeks flushed, and soon I looked down to prevent myself from looking like a fool in front of him. I took my seat, and he took a seat beside me at the fountain and we started to speak about many things.

We became friends after that moment of time, and I did tell him that I watched him from afar. He did deserve to know why I avoided him for so long. He laughed when I told him this to tell me that he noticed me watching him in the distance. He was no idiot. After all these years, we finally spoke words to each other.

Now we are older, and far more wiser than before. I went places with Loki, and some girls were jealous that I was with one of the sons of Odin. We both did not care if people were spreading rumors about us, as long as we know that we were just good of friends. Even if I longed to have something more with him. I remember him watching me as I trained myself to become a warrior, and he had been amused that I tried so hard to be something that would be hard for me to become.

That was when his brother, Thor, started to notice me. The Thunder God knew of me when Loki took me places with him, seeing me around their grand home. One night he approached me as I was leaving to my home, and asked me how long have I been training to become a warrior. I told him that it was a silly dream that I would never obtain because I am a woman. He told me nonsense, telling me that I would be able to obtain anything that I wished. Loki never complimented me of my skills with a blade, but Thor did. Thor came into my life so suddenly, but it seemed to flow easily like a river.

Thor chose me to become a warrior of Asgard, as well as another female. Two female warriors. Honestly, I never thought that I would become something like this. My mother was skeptical, while my father was proud of me. He was glad that I allowed myself to choose my path as a warrior, since my mother only birthed him daughters. Now as the youngest, he was proud to call me his daughter, as the rest of them waited around for something grand to happen to the lot of them. I never felt prouder of myself.

I told Loki of the good news, but he ignored me. Was there jealousy? “What is wrong, Loki?” I questioned softly, not wanting my only good friend to be angry with me. “Did I do something wrong?”

“You are getting close to my brother,” he told me, his back was turned to me. “My brother is trying to take you away from me.”

I could sense that he was angry, but what for? He did not seem to be proud of me at all. Still, he was my friend. The only person I considered a friend in Asgard. Not even Thor could compare to Loki. Loki and I have been together since our teen years, and now we are grown adults. No one would ever come in between that, but he thought otherwise. I have sworn to him that I would never replace him, but he was always the one to jump into conclusions.

“Loki... That isn’t true,” I told him, walking to him to stand in front of him. He needed to look upon me, he needed to know how hurt I was from him to think that I was changing sides when I have sworn to him that I would not. “I am your friend, not his... He just helped me obtain my dream, something that you did not help me with.”

That was when he became angry, and I sucked in my breath as I could see the rage in his eyes. I bit my lower lip as we stared at each other, looking for answers in each other’s eyes. This was how we communicated with each other on occasions. It felt right to us to talk to each other this way. Our eyes always held the most emotion than our actions did.

“Loki, trust me,” I began to say, placing my hand gently on his cheek. This was the first time we ever touched either intimately, besides the simple hug gesture that we usually have done when we departed. His eyes were locked upon mine, and his emotions were running wild, as were mine. “Thor will never come in between us. No one ever will. Remember, I chose you to gaze upon for a reason, and look where we have gotten.”

A sigh escaped his lips, and he closed his eyes as he reached up to grab my hand gently. A smile crossed my lips when he leaned forward to press his forehead against mine and my eyes fell shut. “I apologise for over reacting, but it does seem like my brother...”

“Hush, Loki, do not compare yourself to him,” I told him in a quiet tone, “You are everything to me.”

I allowed my eyes to open, seeing that he was in a relaxed state. This has been the most relaxed moment I have seen him in the longest time. It always seemed like every time that I have seen him, he has been uptight. Something was going on with him that I did not ever understand, he never bothered to tell me what was wrong. I never tried to pry into his mind, so I kept everything to myself.

With a small amount of courage from myself, I pulled away slightly to bring myself to kiss him on his forehead. “Just remember that I am always here for you,” I whispered to him, “I love you, Loki.”

When those words came from my rosy lips, he looked up at me with a smile crossing his features. “And how long have you loved me?”

“Ever since I started to watch you from afar,” I told him, a smile spread across my lips. Now shock ran through me as he brought his lips onto mine in a gentle manner. My eyes fluttered to a close as our lips locked in a passionate kiss. My world did seem to stop, and my stomach had been doing turns.

That was one of the few last moments we shared together before Thor was banished from Asgard for taking things into his own hands when he was soon to be crowned for King. Loki had been plotting this from the beginning, and I have not seen it coming. As a warrior, I swore to protect Asgard from any evil, but Loki was that evil. He had told me everything that he was plotting.

“Do you still love me?” Loki questioned, a smug smirk graced his lips. He stepped down from the throne, as he made his way over to me from where I was kneeling. “I am going to create a better Asgard for us so we can live in this realm together as King and Queen.”

“You will rule Asgard alone,” I told him, and stood before him. “You do not deserve the throne. Good bye Loki.”

It was hard for me to turn my back towards him and walk away, but I did swear to protect Asgard. In my heart I knew I still loved him, no matter how evil he was. I was still going to watch him from afar like I have done in the past. I would continue to be that guardian for him. The only thing that I was not allowing myself to do was stay by his side.

I would see him again in time, but not now.

I still loved him.