Cry

[Seven Years Ago]

“Shh!” a nineteen year old Brian Haner told his girlfriend as they climbed inside of the van the band used to tour in. Sophie felt so bad for doing this, but the small amount of alcohol in her allowed her to let loose. She got in after Brian, and then he closed the door. The rest of the guys were hanging out in the beach. Sophie’s worries and concerns were gone once Brian had his lips over hers. She inhaled deeply through her nose, and then opened to him. She parted her lips, and he took control of the kiss. “I love you, Sophie,” he said to her sincerely. Her eyes sparkled with admiration.

“I love you, too, Brian,” she replied and then went back to kissing him. Soon their hands began to roam. She liked to play with his hair. He dyed his hair back to its original color, and she loved how it was growing out. She pulled on the strands a bit. She was nervous because she was ready to tell him she was ready to be with him… sexually. He waited patiently for five months of dating. “Make love to me,” she said it lowly.

“Here?” he asked surprised. He was aroused and she felt it pressed against her thigh. “I can wait longer, Sophie. Touring is done in a few weeks. I can—“

“Well I can’t,” she urged. “You’re the one I want to be with, the only one.” He moaned and then kissed her again. The van was basically a big bed. It was used to sleep when they were on the road.

“I want to be your only one as well,” he said back. Making the best of what they had, they used the blankets to make themselves comfortable. Brian kissed her body and took off her clothes slowly. He did it slowly and he made sure she was always high on pleasure. They had done some oral stuff, but it was mostly him. She would stroke him. He understood because he loved her. She was a virgin, and he wanted it special for her.

Sophie made her body relax, but it was also easy to do with Brian’s magic lips and skillful hands. Her heart hammered inside of her chest. He was looking at her completely naked for the first time, and she didn’t feel embarrassed. She didn’t shy away because she saw no disappointment in his eyes. Her small breasts weren’t a problem for him. They weren’t that small, but out of all her friends, she had the smallest. Brian didn’t seem to mind a single bit because he sucked and nibbled on her nipples like they were candy. He moved further down after she was arching and aching for more. She opened her legs for him, and he ate her.

He lapped up her folds. His tongue was soft. She made small noises. She bit her bottom lip. She didn’t want to make loud noises and be interrupted by anyone. Her hands went to Brian’s head and she massaged his scalp as he slowly at her. She arched her back, gasped and moaned. She bit her bottom lip and then would lick it when it was dry. He slipped a single finger inside of her, and that was enough to toss her over the edge. Her legs trembled and she did her best not to smother Brian with her thighs.

Her chest moved up and down rapidly. She was blissfully happy, but now she felt empty. She wanted him inside of her. He didn’t remove his finger from inside of her. He added a second one, and then slowly pumped them. She stared up into his chocolate eyes. His mouth glistened with her juices. She reached up and licked it clean with her tongue. It was a bold move and something new. He was happy about it though. He removed his fingers to remove his shirt and his clothing. He took out the condom from his wallet, and he rolled it on.

He moved his body between her legs. He kissed her deeply before he pushed in an inch inside of her. She gasped and moaned into his kiss. She closed her eyes, but he told her to open them. She did so. He promised he would make this as painless as possible. He told her he never took someone else’s virginity before. She believed him, and she trusted him that was more important. He went deeper inside of her until he was fully inside. She whimpered and bit his shoulder.

A minute later she pleaded him to move. He retrieved half way and then went back inside. She held on to his shoulders, and he kissed her neck softly like his movements. She closed her eyes and let the euphoria wash over her. The pain was gone, and all that remained was his love and tenderness. He whispered her name from time to time. She forgot that they were in the back of the van where their friends slept. All that mattered was that she was with the man she loved. Her soul opened up and took him. He settled there, and she knew he would never leave. He had the potential to break her, but she had a feeling they could make it work.

“Brian,” she whispered. “Ah! You’re so amazing. I love you.”

“I love you more,” he said back. “Are you close? I’m about to explode.” She gave him an apologetic look. She hadn’t thought about coming. She was too happy to have him inside of her. He just chuckled and kissed her forehead. He moved his hand between them and not too long after she was close to coming. Her fast pants told him so. Her body burned and when she came the fire was cooled.

It was beautiful and something she always dreamt of. She felt him fill the condom with his seed. She would have to get on birth control fast because she wanted to feel it inside of her, coating her walls, or running down her thighs.

“Sophie,” Brian lifted his head. Sweat covered his forehead, but he had a cheesy smile, “that was wonderful. You have me now. You always have had me. Since the day I met you, sounds corny doesn’t it?”

She giggled. “A bit, yeah.”

“I don’t care. Cheesy works because it’s how I feel,” he stared deeply into her eyes, and Sophie could see herself in them. “I love you forever and ever. Nothing and no one will come between us.”

[Present Day]

What a bunch of bullshit, Sophie thought as she stood in the middle of an empty apartment in Los Angeles, California. Her arms were crossed across her chest. Her black heels clicked on the wooden floor. She had to admit the view was beautiful, and she knew in the night time, it would look even better. Tears threatened to fall once again. She hated thinking about the past, but she couldn’t help it. She took in a deep breath. She heard the voices of the realtor and of her best friend and practically sister. Sophie gathered herself and turned around just in time to see them come back to the living room.

“You have to check out the bathroom,” Arianna giggled. “There is a tub that is absolutely perfect for baths.”

“Great, then I’ll take it,” Sophie and Arianna had used up the morning to look for an apartment. Sophie didn’t want to intrude more into Arianna’s and Matt’s life. They had been kind enough to let her stay for months, but she had to move on. She was going to use her savings to get this place. It was perfect. She already had a job. She got a call from an art gallery, and they wanted her to lead it. She would be looking for artist and managing them. Her degree in Art and Art History wasn’t going to go to waste.

“I’ll get the papers for you. You can move in tomorrow,” the realtor said with a wide grin and then left. Sophie looked at her friend who didn’t look so convinced.

“You’re really going to move two hours away?” Arianna asked.

“It’s not two hours.”

“It is with traffic,” her friend argued. “We saw some pretty awesome places in Huntington Beach even in Long Beach or Anaheim.”

“But my work is here, Arianna,” Sophie sighed not wanting to argue. She just wanted to get away from Brian. She hated that their—his house was only a few blocks from Arianna’s and Matt’s. It hurt too much to see him. Sophie checked her brand new watch. “I have to go. I have a meeting with the lawyers. We’re going over the final settlement.”

“All right, I’ll see you home then,” Arianna hugged her friend tightly.

An hour later, Sophie parked in a space in the basement parking lot of the law firm that was handling her divorce. She stayed inside of the car for a moment. She could feel the tears coming, and she had done enough crying. She didn’t want to cry anymore, but she knew it would be difficult to see Brian again. She had been able to avoid him for the past five months. She shook off the feeling of doom. She was strong, and she spent the last couple of weeks smiling and pretending everything was all right. She couldn’t pretend with Arianna, but with the rest, she could manage. Her friends had been shocked about the divorce, and how determined she was to end it. They asked if they had gone to couple therapy, and when she finally told them it was because Brian had someone else, they all sided with her.

Sophie didn’t want her friends to pick sides, but they had done that on their own. They didn’t turn their back on Brian, but they didn’t particularly like him at the moment. She turned off her car, and she got out of it. She locked it. A few minutes later, she was walking out of the elevator with her head high. She would show Brian that she was no longer broken. She got herself back together, and she would move on. It hurt like hell the first few weeks, and all she did was sing along to breakup songs, and slowly she moved up to songs that gave her strength to move on.

She was guided by the receptionist to the conference room where everyone was gathered at. The conference was made of glass, so she could see Brian sitting next to his lawyer. He still looked handsome and her heart thumped faster. She made herself calm. The door was opened for her, and his eyes went straight to her. She was happy she was kept together for this. She thought she would be in baggy clothes and red eyes, but she found the strength to look exceptional.

The men stood up and greeted her. She was even able to shake Brian’s hand, but it was very brief. The heat of his hand made her miss him, but she kept her emotions in check. She sat down next to her lawyer. She felt eyes on her, and she knew it was Brian’s gaze. She looked down at the settlement agreement. She didn’t want the house, so that was his.

“And the 2010 Lexus will remain in your possession,” Mr. Randall said to Sophie, he was Brian’s lawyer.

“I don’t want it,” she said to the man.

“Sophie,” hearing him say her name made her turn to him. That was a mistake. “Take the car. It was a birthday present.”

She narrowed her eyes. “I don’t want it,” she said it more slowly. “I’m starting over and I don’t want anything tying me to you. I have a car anyway.”

“Sophie,” he said again.

“Stop it,” she snapped. “I don’t want anything from you. I’ve had you all my life and now I have to be without you so I don’t want anything from you. Where do I sign?” she needed to get out of there fast. Being across from him made her sick to her stomach. It was mostly because she was so sad, and he looked happy. She was given the places to sign and initial. She signed them and did what she had to do. Her hand shook, but she hoped no one noticed it. When she was done, her lawyer told her that it was done and over with.

She gave Brian and his lawyer a nod, and then she shook hands with her own lawyer. She got her bag and got out of there as fast as possible. She threw her hair back. She was suddenly very hot, and she needed something cold. She felt like buying ice cream. She could stop by the store and get some. Oh, and chocolates. She definitely needed some chocolates. She could have a movie marathon with Arianna. She would have to take her things to her new apartment tomorrow.

She smiled at the thought of being independent. It had been so long since she was single and independent. For the last three or four years she was so dependent on Brian. She pushed the button of the elevator furiously. The more distance she put with Brian the clearer she could think. A part of her screamed at her that she should have fought for him, but she had already lost him.

“Hey,” Brian’s voice was like a knife cut to her heart. She turned her head to the side and saw him with a small smile. “You parked in the basement too?”

Her heart dropped. “Yeah,” she answered quietly. Awkwardly, they waited together for the only elevator available. She really thought about the stairs, but she had heels, and she was on the eighth floor. She chewed on the inside of her cheek. She gripped her purse tightly. She wanted this nightmare to end. The elevator reached them, and they went inside. She waited for someone to join them, but the doors closed on them. She closed her eyes and cursed in her head.

“I was thinking,” he started making her open her eyes, “we should meet up soon so you can see Pinkly. She misses you terribly.”

“I see her every two weeks,” she muttered. She would go to his house when he wasn’t home and drop off Pinkly when he wasn’t home too.

“She loves you and I know it hurts you not to see her. She hasn’t warmed up to Amanda yet,” he mumbled the last part.

Maybe because Pinkly smells home wreckers and hates them Sophie thought bitterly.

“You know I’ve always been more of a cat person,” she mumbled back. “I love Pinkly, but dogs aren’t allowed in the new apartment I got.”

His eyes widened. “You found a place?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to be a free loader anymore, so I got a place.”

“Where?”

“In LA,” she sighed.

“Sophie, I know you must hate me and you have every reason to do so, but we share friends,” he turned to face her. “We will be in each other’s lives whether we like it or not. I want us to be friends.”

She clenched her purse even tighter. “It’s pretty hard to see you as a friend seeing as you’ve been my only lover,” she spat. It was true. Brian had been the only man she had ever been with so far. Since she lost her virginity to him, she hasn’t been with anyone. The thought of being with another man didn’t sound pleasing at the moment. He knew he was her first and only.

“We should try to be civil then,” he whispered. “You’re… still important to me.”

“Shut up,” she whispered and shook her head. “Just shut up, Brian.” She glared over to him. “The less we see of each other the better. You get to have your happy life with Amanda in our home. I’m going to be in my apartment, alone. I think I’ll even cat because I’ve always wanted one.” Now she was rambling, and she did that often. She pressed her lips together to keep herself from going further.

Not too soon, they got to the parking lot, and she rushed out of the elevator and into her car. She turned it on, and watched Brian continue walking further down the parking lot to get to his car.

Later, Sophie was in the supermarket with a basket full of comfort food. She called Arianna earlier to plan a girl’s night and her friend agreed. She had the food and the drinks for tonight. She wanted to drink her pain away. She couldn’t wait to spend some quality time with Arianna. With her parents away in England, Arianna was the closest thing she had to family.

They’ve been friends since she moved to America. Her parents had gone back to England after Sophie got married to Brian. When she phoned them to let them know about the divorce, she lied and told them it was because they grew apart. She couldn’t break their hearts and let them know the man they had come to see as family had betrayed their only daughter. She didn’t want them to hate him.

Her father was very fond of Brian mostly because he never had a son. Sophie got to Arianna’s and Matt’s home. The two have been dating for years and years, and yet they weren’t married. They fought like old married couples, but fucked like teenagers. Arianna could not keep quiet at all. Sophie was ready to move out. She hated to intrude into their lives.

The living room was all ready for the girl’s night. There was a stack of CD’s and movies. She went to the kitchen and put the bags of the food and drinks down. She took out a bottle of absolute Vodka. She rushed to the guest room where she was staying. She changed out of the clothes she had on. She found sweats, a large shirt and fluffy slippers. She removed her make up, and she put her hair in a messy bun. She heard her name being called out from outside her door. She went over to open and Arianna was dressed in similar clothing.

Sophie grinned and then they went to the living room.

“What should we do?” Arianna asked. “Drink, eat and movies or hear music, eat and drink.”

“I don’t give a shit as long as we drink,” Sophie laughed and they decided to sing while they ate and had some shots. The playlist they had was especially dedicated to breakups. Sophie had been there for Arianna when she had breakups, and now her friends were there for the hardest thing she’s ever had to endure.

With a drink on her hand, Sophie sang along to “Since U Been Gone”. One of the best break up songs ever. The girls didn’t have good singing voices, but they weren’t awful. Sophie laughed and it was sincere laughing. She sang along to the lyrics very powerfully. The volume was so high that she couldn’t really hear her own voice and that was probably a good thing.

Sophie ate some chocolates, and she realized how many good break up songs Kelly Clarkson had. The next one was “Never Again”, and how it fit perfect with what she felt about Amanda and Brian.

“It was you who chose to end it like you did. I was the last to know. You knew exactly what you would do. She may forgive you, but I never will, never again!”

Somehow in their dancing the girls crashed, and they fell on the couch together. They laughed uncontrollably.

“Hey,” a deep voice said. Sophie opened her eyes and saw Matt with an amused face.

“Mattie!” Sophie giggled. “What up?!”

“What up?” he raised an eyebrow and then drifted his gaze to his girlfriend. “I thought you and I…well you promised tonight, baby.”

Arianna waved her hand dismissively. “Pfft, it’s Sophie’s last night with us. She moves to her new place tomorrow, babe. Go out with the guys, except Brian. He’s probably with that man-stealing bitch. Hoe can’t even get her own man so she steals someone else’s. What a hoe!” Sophie’s friend did get a bit ghetto when she had few too many drinks.

Matt would do anything for Arianna. “Fine, I’ll go out, but don’t think you won’t be getting punished for this.”

“Ooh, scary,” Arianna mocked and that only made her boyfriend narrow his eyes. Sophie watched in amusement. Matt left and the girls went back to their fun.

Sitting Indian style on the floor they looked through the collection of movies. They were against romantic comedies and even though they were Arianna’s favorite, Sophie didn’t want to go anywhere near them. They went for something way better. An “Alien” marathon. Sophie’s ultimate favorite was the second, so they would get to that.

Sophie loved to watch the different ways everyone died. After Alien was done, they put on Aliens and that was her favorite. Still drinking they watched the second movie. Sophie was drifting in and out of it.

“Arianna,” Sophie said her friend’s name and turned her head. “Do you think I should have fought for Brian?”

Her friend’s eyes softened. “He wouldn’t have deserved your efforts. But, I would have supported you no matter what.”

Sophie smiled a bit. “I know, but… I feel like I’m nothing without him.”

“Are you kidding? You’re so much more than you think. Without I’d be nothing. You’re Sophie Beckett.”

Sophie frowned. She would never say ‘Hi I’m Sophie Haner’. She really liked the ring to it. Her eyes watered.

“I still love him so much, Ari,” Sophie sobbed. “Seeing him today just reminded me that I’m not over him.”

“It’s only been a few months. Give it time, honey,” Arianna rubbed her arm.

Sophie closed her eyes. The movie was just about to be over, but she couldn’t keep her eyes open. The energy it took to get through the day and the alcohol finally got to her. She drifted off into sleep where she wished she could remain at.

[Seven Years Ago]

“I love it,” Sophie grinned widely when the tattoo was done with her. She traced her finger around her inner thigh where a bold B had been tattooed. She winced at the pain, but she never felt so happy. Last night in the van she had given her a part of her he will always have. He treasured it and now they were marking it on their bodies.

“My turn,” Brian said, and she got off the table and he took her seat. He had shorts on and he lifted it until revealed his hairy leg. The tattoo guy shaved the area, and then got to work. He got an S. He held out his hand as it got done, and she took it. She kissed the top of it. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, forever and ever.”