Maybe Then He'd Be Okay

“I remember coming home from work that night. I found him in nothing but his boxers, sprawled out across our bed...”

”Ryder.” I whispered, hand touching his bare shoulder. Ryder mumbled something incoherent and swatted my hand away. I just smiled and stood up, taking off my tie and button up shirt. I threw them carelessly on the floor, knowing I had the day of tomorrow.

Our room was dark, his gorgeous tan skin standing out against our white sheets. The only light entering the room was from the hallway, seeping through the half closed door. Besides both sides of the bed were drawers, Ryder's had a picture of me during graduation and one of his mom. On my drawer was a picture of Ryder, and a picture of us together when we went to the carnival in high school junior year. I liked waking up and seeing the pictures, taking in the fact that some one so wonderful belonged to me, and then turning my head to see that person right beside me.

“Ryder.” I whispered into his ear, leaning over him. His body moved, limbs pulling back so he was just on his side of the bed. He grumbled and curled into a ball. I pressed my lips behind his ear, kissing the spot repeatedly. Ryder giggled, waking up a bit.

“S-stop.” He whined, pushing my face away from him and turning so he his other side facing away from me. I smirked and slipped off my shoes and socks, my pants soon following. I walked around to my side of the bed, and lay down, watching him for a couple of seconds.

Half of his face was buried into the pillow, his long curly lashes kissing his cheeks. I smiled, my fingers running down his arm, tracing the scar he had received when he was a toddler. My hand rested on his hip, feeling the warm, smooth skin. My mouth watered at the though of kissing the delicious canvas. I scooted closer to him and pressed my lips to his cheek.

Ryder inhaled deeply, amber eyes fluttering open and glaring at me. “You're a jerk.” He grumbled. “That's not even the best part.” I teased. “I know, you're my jerk.” He smiled, closing his eyes. I took the chance to attach our lips together, my teeth lightly tugging at his bottom lip. Ryder moaned and cupped my face in his hands, pulling away..

“You're also the jerk I'm not going to cuddle with until he takes off is muscle shirt.” He growled. I smiled and slipped the shirt off, his hands greedily exploring my body. I pulled him back into a kiss, my tongue swiping across his bottom lip and his mouth opening up for me. My tongue traced the familiar place, coaxing his own wet muscle to play.

I closed my eyes partly, watching his facial expression. Ryder moaned and my hands gripped onto his hips, massaging them. The kiss escalated, our hips grinding against each other and my mouth leaving hickeys all over his chest. His moans filled my ears, my glorious rewards for pleasuring him.


I paused, pushing the plate of pancakes away from me and looking down at my hands that were balled into fist in my lap. I scowled at the waver my voice had taken on but continued the story.

"I found him the next morning.."

”Fucking Tara!” Ryder growled, slamming his head back onto the couch. I just looked at him, raising one of my eye brows. “Damn it Nicholas! She fucking turned down Ben because that damn Christian told her that Ben was only flirting with her to make him jealous. And she fucking believed him!” He yelled, grabbing the remote beside him and throwing it at the wall.

“I always woke up on my day's off to him sitting on the floor, leaning against our horrible old couch, it was dark green with flowers all over it. It belonged to his mom though and he refused to get rid of it. He'd sit against it, a glass of Sunny D orange juice on one side and the remote on the other, watching his favorite Australian television show Dance Academy.” I smiled at the memory and shook my head.

“He liked it because he use to do ballet when he was five.” I added. “But on that morning he had watched one episode and fell asleep.”

”Ryder.” I whispered, kneeling in front of him and stroking his cheek. He grumbled but placed his hand over mind, keeping it in place.

“Do you want french toast?” I asked him , my thumb rubbing under his eye. He nodded his head. “Okay, I'm going to go to the store and get some bread, and more orange juice.” I told him. The brunette nodded his head again and let my hand go. I pressed a kiss to his temple and left leaving the front door unlocked.

“I went to the store and bought the stuff. I was singing his favorite song When You Were Young by The Killers on my way back to our apartment building."

"Oh my god! Nickolas I love this song!" Ryder cheered, turning the volume on the radio up. I watched form the corner of my as Ryder pretended to play guitar and bobbed his head.

"You sit there in your heartache! Waiting on some beautiful boy to, to save you from you're old ways. You play forgiveness watch him now, here he comes, He doesn't look a bit like Jesus but he talks like a gentlemen, like you imagined when you were young." He sang, dancing in the passenger seat.


"As soon as I turned the street I saw the cop cars. He was always afraid of them so I ran into the building.” I felt myself begin to shake and I leaned over, placing my elbows onto the table, and burying my face into my hands.

"Attention teachers and students, this is a lock down. This is not a drill, once again this is not a drill." The principal said on the intercom. I quickly dashed over to Ryder, everyone leaving the football field and going into the gym. I tugged him over to the wooden stands we had for basket ball games. We sat next to each other, legs touching while I played with his hand.

The sound of a police siren went of in the distance and all the girls began to react, thinking about 'what-ifs'. I felt Ryder begin to shake beside me his hands gripping onto mine tightly and he scooted closer, wrapping his arms around me.

"I hate cops." He whimpered.

I tried to calm my breathing but it was useless. I felt a hand grab my wrist and pull it away from my face. Blake sat in front of me, giving me a reassuring smile and holding my hands. I wiped the few tears that had leaked form my eyes and continued talking.

“I walked out of the elevator and saw the officers standing in front of our apartment, along with my neighbor and her boyfriend. She was crying and he was explaining to the officer something. Part of me knew what the scene had meant, because Ryder was no where in sight. But another part of me was wishing that maybe he was inside the apartment, explaining something to a different officer.”

The tears started up again and I began to cry, but Blake just squeezed my hand.

“Then our neighbor, Chelsea, she looked up at me and her face.... her face... I just knew... I dropped the groceries and ran to her. I shook her and yelled.”

My hands let go of the bag and I sprinted down the hallway, running over to the familiar red head and gripping onto her shoulders. My heart was racing, throat tightening and chest ached. My stomach dropped. “Chelsea, what happened!” I screamed.

“The police said that a guy had came into the apartment and tried to rob the place. They found Ryder still on the floor, against the couch but with a bullet to his head.” I sobbed, pulling my hand away from Blake's and wrapping my arms around myself. I gasped for air, feeling Blake slide into the booth beside me and pull me into his arms.

I just cried. Snot came out of my nose and my throat felt raw but I continued crying and the blond beauty beside me just held me and rubbed my back.

I know that I wasn't there that morning, but I can still here him, calling out to me. Wishing that I was right outside the door, about to come in at any moment and I'd save him.

Maybe if I had left the door locked... just maybe... maybe then he'd be okay.