Status: ongoing.
I'll Never Let You Go
Thirteen.
Dearest Rhia,
Mary and I argued for the first time last night. She found out I still wrote to you (God knows how, she must have been looking through my desk).
She's pissed off. She doesn't understand why I'm still holding onto you. I guess she feels like second best or something like that. I mean, I understand where she's coming from, but she just needs to understand that writing to you is my way of coping with guilt.
We might break up. She said she needs some space to figure things out and that I need to come to terms with my past instead of talking to you like we're still cool.
I know we're not still cool.
I'd have to be pretty fucked to think you and I were cool.
It's been a year and a half.
I haven't heard your voice in 18 months.
I haven't held you hands or felt how cold the tips of your fingers always were.
I haven't glanced at you from across the room and ducked away when you looked up, because I didn't want you to think I was being weird.
It's been 18 months and it still hasn't gotten any easier.
Fuck.
Everything is so fucked.
Come home.
I miss you.
I love you.
Yours, Joshua
x x x
Mary and I argued for the first time last night. She found out I still wrote to you (God knows how, she must have been looking through my desk).
She's pissed off. She doesn't understand why I'm still holding onto you. I guess she feels like second best or something like that. I mean, I understand where she's coming from, but she just needs to understand that writing to you is my way of coping with guilt.
We might break up. She said she needs some space to figure things out and that I need to come to terms with my past instead of talking to you like we're still cool.
I know we're not still cool.
I'd have to be pretty fucked to think you and I were cool.
It's been a year and a half.
I haven't heard your voice in 18 months.
I haven't held you hands or felt how cold the tips of your fingers always were.
I haven't glanced at you from across the room and ducked away when you looked up, because I didn't want you to think I was being weird.
It's been 18 months and it still hasn't gotten any easier.
Fuck.
Everything is so fucked.
Come home.
I miss you.
I love you.
Yours, Joshua
x x x
♠ ♠ ♠
Oops, three kisses again, cause he knows he still loves her, or is it cause the third kiss was a guilt kiss and when he finally stopped feeling guilty he stopped putting it, but now he feels guilty again he put it back I GUESS WE WILL NEVER KNOW bye.