This Love Is Dirtier Than You Think

After I made the decision of going to America, I had one week left. One week until I had to pack my life up and move half way across the world, leaving everything and everyone I loved behind, including Josh.

The last week I spent at home was painful. Josh and I both knew what was coming and although we acted like it, neither of us were in anyway prepared for it.

Even though Josh had told me I should go I knew he wasn’t handling it well. I would catch him staring at me longingly as if his gaze would keep me here. There were times where Josh would just fall into a complete silence and it worried me, it made me wonder whether or not we were strong enough for this. I didn’t know how I was going to handle it either, don’t get me wrong, I was excited to be going, it was the little things that I would miss. Like how he played with my hair when I was falling asleep on the sofa, the way he bit his lip when he was nervous and the way his mouth parted slightly when he slept. Just small things I had got accustomed to living with and I didn’t want to go without them.

Three days before I left Josh was helping me pack up my room and I knew he was already getting bored; he started rolling all over the bed as I was trying to strip back the sheets and he was going through my underwear drawer, picking out his favourites apparently.

“Josh what are you doing?” I laughed as he held up a red lace thong he had found.

Josh completely ignored my question, “You should wear this more often, it’s hot.”

I felt myself blush, it was strange how he still managed to do that.

“I’m perfectly fine as I am actually,” I rolled my eyes.

Josh climbed his way over to me on the bed, “Oh, go on. For me?” Then holding my waist and pulling me onto the bed with him.

“What do you want Josh?” I laughed.

“You,” he whispered seductively and began nibbling at my neck making me giggle.

“Hey, that tickles,” I laughed lightly whilst trying to escape.

Josh started placing kisses all over my neck, gently sucking at my sweet spots. He moved his lips further down to my collar bone and kissing it softly, knowing that it would work.

“Josh,” I moaned slightly, but trying to ask him to stop. I felt him grin against my neck. “Josh, I have to finish packing this stuff up.”

Josh pulled away from me and gave me a puppy eyed frown.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I smiled. “Once we’ve finished up I promise we can do something else, anything you want.”

“Anything?” Josh raised his eyebrow suggestively at me.

“Anything,” I smirked before kissing him harshly and getting off the bed.

***

Josh and I remained packing for the next two hours, Josh still overly hyperactive and acting stupidly but it made it a lot more fun so I wasn’t complaining.

Once we were done I stood back and looked at my nearly empty room, it didn’t even look like my room anymore. All the pictures had been taken down and most of my stuff was stacked up in boxes, it was almost unrecognisable. It suddenly hit me then, this was it, I had two more days until I was leaving the country, leaving everything I knew behind. I wasn’t ready for it in the slightest.

I looked over at Josh who was just standing there, staring into space thinking exactly what I was. I knew no matter how much he pretended; he didn’t want me to leave, not really. He wanted me to stay here with him, where we could be together, because even when he was touring we’d always find a way to be together some way or another, but now I was leaving and neither of us knew how hard it was going to hit us.

I walked over to Josh and stood in front of him as he looked down into my eyes. Neither of us needed to say anything, our faces said it all. A tear rolled down my face without me even realising and Josh swiped his thumb gently across my cheek to catch it before smiling weakly at me.

“I’m going to miss you Lily Baker,” he whispered as he pulled me in for a tight hug.

I remained silent, he knew I would miss him too, I just couldn’t say it without completely falling apart. We held each other for at least ten minutes; I clung on to him tightly, as if he was going to slip away the second I let go.

“Lily,” Josh mumbled as we lay down together on the bed.

“Yes Josh?”

“You will come back won’t you?” his voice was hoarse, he sounded so scared by his own question.

“Josh you shouldn’t even have to ask that question. Of course I’m going to come back, I can’t stay away forever and anyway, we have plans to move in together, remember?” I smiled lightly.

Josh smiled back and squeezed me tight, placing a kiss on my forehead before we fell asleep together.