To Kill a Mockingjay

The sun began to go down gracefully, it was a beautiful sight, it was only a shame that I was trapped inside a train and embracing its warmth behind the window. Peeta's hands were stroking my arms lightly, it made me smile. After the long conversation about how unreasonable I was being towards Gale, Peeta had let everything go and took me in. We talked for hours on end about what we want our future to be, nothing really mattered as long as we stayed together. On a few occasions, he made me laugh. We forgot those moments where our nightmares strangled us, where our worst fears wrapped themselves around our minds. Unlike Gale, Peeta understands what pain is, what pain feels like, what it feels like to have your thoughts taken away and morphed into something else. My brain might have not been high jacked, but the propagandas that led me on in this Revolution have certainly twisted my way of thinking and making rational choices. Gale understood how my mind distinguished specific things that we grew up with, but not anymore.

I began to become uncomfortable with the thought of what I had in my old life, how close Gale and I were. Peeta moved in sync with me, trying to push away these thoughts.

"Calm down." He breathed. I took in a deep breath. "Don't over think this. Take it step by step with Gale. He has mentally prepared himself for this." Peeta said lovingly.

"I haven't." I whispered. I turned to him while still in his embrace, leaning my forehead on his.

"Let this go, Katniss. Don't let the past ruin your future, let all the stress alleviate. Okay?" He closed his eyes, letting himself lean into me. His lips were warm and soft, my stomach fluttered in anxiety. I went back on everything he just said, letting my muscles relax and let my mind clear of things that will ruin my mood and destroy everything, so I kissed him back.

"See? That wasn't too hard, now was it?" He smiled sheepishly.

"As long as I have you with me....I will be fine." I smiled back at him. His fingertips caressed my cheek bones, his warmth was overwhelming me.

"What are you thinking about now?"

"Your curiosity is going to be the end of you, Peeta."

"Just tell me." His ocean blue eyes locked with mine, there aren't enough words to conclude what my mind is unscrambling. "I don't know how to verbalize it."

"Try. For me, please."

I took a deep breath.

"I am thinking not of the past, but of the future. How everything could change because of Gale's little visit. My mind is focusing on all of the scenarios that include me destroying everything and everyone." I looked away from him and sat up. My heart was beating in my temples, it suddenly got a lot harder to breathe. Peeta leaned his chin on my shoulder, the feeling of his exhales sent an electric bold down my spine.

"That is another thing to not focus on. It will be difficult, but all of the challenges will be worth it in the end. Gale is coming back, you need to make yourself feel excited about it. You may not agree with this part of your past coming back, but you have to understand that there are certain things in this world that will never die in our own personal history. They will always come back with a specific reason. For you, that is Gale."

"But what is his reason? Did he tell you? Did he tell Haymitch?"

He smiled some. "His reason is to try and put everything to a close. To zip it up in a file that he can never open unless it is needed to be."

"I don't understand..."

"Gale wants this to be the time for you and him to settle things. To be as open as possible so that when he leaves, he will leave with closure." Peeta looked away for a few moments as he waited for my response.

"So what you are saying is, is that there is a chance that he might not come back at all?" My voice cracked a little, it was enough for Peeta to notice it.

"Possibly. But wouldn't you rather know that what you had was actually something brilliant than feel like you betrayed him? If he doesn't come back after this, you will at least know that he is a positive memory?"

Peeta's ability to construct words that are soothing and influencing irritates me. "How do you do that?" I looked him in the eyes, desperately trying to find what led him to believe that everything will go smoothly.

"Don't be so envious, my words are exactly that, at least you have the ability to do something about it. I'm a weakling."

"Peeta, don't say that....you are not. You are stronger than you think."

"How so?"

"You pushed through a high jacking and still managed to hold on to your love for me." I smiled at him, trying to let him see my emotions towards him.

We both blushed and let ourselves fall into one another. He wrapped the pale blue blanket around us, his arms were around me again. "Pushing through a high jacking doesn't make me invincible."

"But you are so sure of things, you don't seem to fear anything anymore.." I looked up at him, his eyes refused to meet with mine. My brows furrowed.

"My fear as of now, is that you will leave with Gale."