Voices Carry

Harry was frozen.

”I’m dying, Harry…”

Nothing made sense to him. Nothing. Did he hear right? Was what he heard right?

”…And I don’t have much time left.”

“Harry…please say something…” Louis finally looked up from the floor and met Harry’s eyes.

“You shouldn’t joke like that, Lou…” Harry’s voice was cold. “It’s not funny…”

“I’m not joking, Harry. And you know I’m not.” Louis placed both of his hands on Harry’s face, forcing him to look right at him. “Harry…I’m dying.”

“No…” Harry tried to pull away. “You’re not. You’re not dying. You’re completely healthy and going to be fine.”

“Harry…” Louis dropped his hands, letting Harry pass him.

“You’re okay, Lou. You’re not sick. You’re going to be fine.” Harry shook his head, leaving as quickly as he could.

“Harry, stop it. You’re in denial. And you need to realize that I’m not lying. That I’m not okay. And that I'm dying.” Louis’ words hit Harry right in the chest, weighing down on his heart. “Harry, I’m sorry...but I can’t candy coat this. My time is running out.”

“SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, LOUIS!” Harry turned around to face him, tears falling quickly from his eyes. “WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT! I GET IT!”

“You wanted to talk about it! So let’s talk about it!”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore!” Harry pulled his arm up and used his sleeve to dry his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about death with you, Lou.”

“We have to...We have to now or we’re not going to have much time to do it.” Louis covered his face, letting out one little cry.

“Louis...how long have you known?” Harry stared right at him, waiting for an answer.

Louis said nothing.

“Louis. How...long...have...you...known...”

Still no answer.

“How long have you known that you were dying, Lou?” Harry grabbed his chin, forcing him to look into his eyes.

“A year.” Louis whispered so low that he hoped Harry didn’t hear. But he did.

“A year?!” Harry jolted backwards, smacking right into the wall. His hand shook as he covered his mouth, hoping to keep in the screams.

“Harry I’m sorry!”

“A FUCKING YEAR, LOU?! W-WHAT?! W-WHY?! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!” Harry’s knees buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Louis knelt down next to him, pulling him close.

And then Harry lost it. The anger and the frustration and the sadness all came pouring out on Louis’ chest.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Louis let his head drop on top of Harry’s. “I’m so sorry, Harry!”

“You can’t die on me, Louis! You just can’t!” Harry pulled away, his hands on Louis’ face. “What can I do? What can I do to help you?”

“Nothing...”

“Don’t say that. There’s got to be something, Lou. Please...” Harry could feel his whole body trembling.

“Harry, there’s nothing. I don’t have much time left...there’s nothing you or anyone else can do to help me now. It’s useless.”

“How long do you have...?” Harry could barely get the words out of his mouth. He hated this. He’s always hated talking about death. And now that someone close to him, someone so close to him, was dying...he had no choice. “When did they-”

“December 24th...” Louis whispered.

“Your birthday?” Harry shook his head, letting it fall back onto Louis’ shoulder. “This isn’t fair.” He wrapped his arms quickly around Louis. “This isn’t fair.”



“Why Harry?! Why couldn’t you save me?! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”

Harry opened his eyes quickly, waking from his sleep, his whole body shaking.

“It was a dream...” He placed his hand on his chest, trying to calm down. “It was just a dream, Harry. Calm down.”

He rose from his bed, running a hand through his hair. He stopped in front of the mirror, taking one quick glance at himself.

He was a mess.

“Look at yourself, Styles...Louis’ dying and you just keep on fucking up.”

It was the same thing every night. Even before he knew Louis was dying. He can’t even remember how long it’s been going on. Weeks...months...Every day seemed the same to him.

What was the point though? His best friend would be leaving him soon and there was nothing he could do about it. So what if he took a few pills or snorted some stuff? It didn’t really matter at this point.

Harry grabbed the bottle of vodka off of his night stand and took a huge swig of it. He gripped the bottle tight as it burned going down his throat. If the pain from tonight wouldn’t go away itself then then maybe this would ease it a little bit.

Harry paced back and forth, trying to shake the image of his dream out of his mind. He stopped in front of the mirror again, staring at his reflection.

“This is your fault. You weren’t there for Louis this whole time. IT’S YOUR FAULT!” Harry swung his fist at the mirror, letting the bottle smash against it and pieces of glass go flying.

He dropped the remaining glass on the floor and gripped the edges of his dresser. He stared into the mirror, his reflection showing him how lost and pathetic he was.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed the only person he knew he could talk to right now.

“Hey...Look, I know it’s late...But I’m a mess. And I need someone to talk to. Can you meet me at Farris Park?”



“Liam,” Harry stumbled into the park, grabbing onto a tree nearby for support.

“Again, Harry?” Liam rose from the bench and hurried to his friend’s side to help support him. “You’re drinking yourself to death,”

“And maybe it’s for the best...” Harry let his hand fall around Liam’s shoulder as he led him back to the bench.

“What do you mean by that?” Liam held Harry sit down, keeping his shoulder there for support.

“Everything is fucked up, Liam. Everything.”

“Harry why did you check yourself out of rehab? You’re not better yet.” Liam sighed.

“How did you know-” Harry pulled his head up a little bit to look at Liam.

“Your mum. She called me and told me.”

“Fuck,” Harry sighed, pulling his head up all the way, being able to support it himself.

“She told me about your addiction, Harry. I think I’ve always known. I just had that feeling, you know? But when Louis called me and told me you were coming home so soon...I just knew that you checked yourself out.”

“Don’t act like you know everything,” Harry looked away.

“You’re upset about Louis, aren’t you?” Liam whispered, not sure if he should touch that subject or not.

“You know about Lou?” Harry could feel his heart breaking just by thinking about it again.

“One day when Louis and I were hanging out at your flat...he was in the shower and his phone rang...It was his doctor wondering why he didn’t come to his appointment...A-And...” Liam could barely get the words out. “And I asked him what appointment. And then...he told me that Louis had a tumor in his brain...and that it was cancerous...” Liam’s eyes were filled with tears at this point.

“Liam...” Harry placed a hand on his shoulder, trying his best to comfort his friend while also comforting himself.

“I couldn’t confront Lou. I couldn’t. So I kept it a secret. And it’s been haunting me ever since...Knowing that Louis was dying and nobody knew but me.”

“He can’t die, Liam...He can’t. I can’t lose him. I can’t lose my best friend.” Harry cried as Liam took him into his arms.

“I know...I know. We’ve just got to stay tough...We’ve got to stay tough for Louis, Harry. Because even though we’re in so much pain over this...imagine what Louis’ going through.” Liam pulled away, looking right at Harry. “He’s 20 years old and he’s dying.”

“He’s only got about four months...”

“Is that what he told you?” Liam sighed.

“Yeah...He said the doctor gave him until his birthday.” Harry pulled his hand up to his eyes, wiping away some of the tears. “It’s not fucking fair.”

“I know. But we’ve got to be there for him. We have to get him to do it.”

“Do what?” Harry looked back up, meeting Liam’s eyes again.

“Louis didn’t tell you?” Liam seemed a bit shocked.

“Tell me what?” Harry’s face dropped as he pulled back a little bit.

“Louis’ tumor is treatable...It can be risky, but there’s surgery he can get. That's why his doctor had called. Louis' been missing appointments and has told the doctor he wasn't doing the surgery.” Liam gave Harry a puzzled look. “He didn’t tell you this?”

“No...” Harry looked away. “No he didn’t.”

“Harry, there’s nothing. I don’t have much time left...there’s nothing you or anyone else can do to help me now. It’s useless.”

Louis had lied.