Voices Carry

“I know about the surgery, Louis. I know that you can get surgery to save you. Why did you lie to me?” Louis avoided Harry’s eyes. He knew that this conversation would have to come up eventually. He just didn’t realize that it would so soon.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. What surgery?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Lou. I know everything. Now tell me…why did you lie to me?” Harry tried his best not to be upset, but it was clear that he was. His best friend had lied to him about something very serious. This wasn’t a subject to take lightly.

Louis looked away, not sure if he could find the courage to tell Harry. But he managed.

“The surgery is risky. There’s a chance that I will live…but there’s a chance that I could die in surgery.” Louis admitted, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“Louis…that surgery can save your life…You don’t have to die! Why-”

“You don’t understand!” Louis faced Harry, trying his best to hold back all the emotions he was feeling. “You don’t fucking understand, Harry!”

“Then make me understand!”

“Fine. Yes, I can live. I can get the surgery and live happily ever after forever. But there’s a big chance I could die in surgery. I’d rather spend the time I have left surrounded by my friends and family than dying on the operating table now.”

“Louis…” Harry was taken aback, not sure what to say. “…That’s so stupid, Louis!”

“What?” Louis didn’t expect Harry to respond like that.

“You need to have that surgery!” Harry was getting more upset than Louis thought he would. “How could you be so selfish?!”

“Selfish?! Harry…I just…I don’t want to die yet. I want to spend these next few months with everyone I love! How is that stupid?!” Louis was getting a bit angry.

“Because it’s not fair!” Harry grabbed onto Louis and hugged him. He wrapped his arms tightly around Louis, pushing his face into his shoulder. “I don’t want to lose you at all. If there’s a chance you can live…”

“But even so…would you rather me die now or later?”

“Neither.” Harry shook his head, not lifting it from Louis’ shoulder.

“Harry, I’m serious.” Louis pulled Harry off of him and held onto his face, forcing Harry to look him in the eyes. “I’m not getting the surgery. That’s that.” He let go and walked off, leaving Harry.



“A bit of breaking news here as we have just received confirmation from One Direction’s management that the stories of singer Louis Tomlinson battling a brain tumor are, in fact, true. We will be following this story as more news is to-” Zayn flipped the tv off as all five of the boys sat in silence.

“The whole world knows now…” Louis sighed.

“I can only imagine what everyone is saying online…” Liam shook his head.

“I don’t even know what to say. Is there anything to say?” Niall placed his head in his hands. “This isn’t fair.”

“No it’s not. SOMEONE should be having the surgery that can SAVE HIS LIFE.” Harry crossed his arms, not looking at Louis.

“Don’t start,” Louis glared at him, getting mad. “I already told you it’s not happening. Get over it.”

“But Louis…You can live. You can be okay and everything can be fine if you have this surgery. You don’t have to die.” Liam tried to reason with him.

“But what if I do in surgery? What if I get it now and it’s too late and something goes wrong? Then what? I’m out of a life.” Louis argued. “We just have to deal with the fact that I’ve got a few months left and we have to live it to the best of our abilities.

“I don’t want to lose you, Lou. None of us do. What do we do without you?” Zayn didn’t know what to say. He was basically speechless, just like Niall.

“You guys have to keep going. No matter what.” Louis looked at each of them, pleading for them to not be affected by this.

“How can you even ask us to do something like that? Keep going without you?” Harry shook his head. “It’s not possible.”

“I agree with Harry,” Niall sighed. “It’s all of us or none of us.”

“Guys…” Louis sighed.

“I’m with them. None of this would be the same without you, Lou.” Zayn put an arm around Louis, smiling a bit.

“I agree. We need you, Louis.” Liam rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the floor. “We really do.”

As the boys continued to talk and Louis tried to persuade them to stop all this ‘nonsense’, Harry managed to sneak away and into the bathroom.

Harry paced back and forth, running his hands through his hair.

Why was Louis doing this? Why was he being so stubborn? Harry didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand why Louis wouldn’t get the damn surgery. It could make all of this better and he wouldn’t be dying.

“GOD DAMMIT!” Harry screamed, slamming his hands down on the sink counter. He stared at himself in the mirror; anger definitely showing in his eyes.

Harry reached into his back pocket and pulled out a bottle of Ambien. He tore the cap off and popped a few into his mouth.

“You’re such a fucking idiot,” Harry said to himself. He wasn’t sure if he was telling himself these words or if he was referring to Louis. “I hate you.” He glared at his reflection once more before sliding to the floor and pulling his knees to his chest, resting his head on his knees. “I hate you.”



“Are you okay?” Louis touched Harry’s shoulder slightly as they walked back into their flat.

Harry pulled away quickly, not daring to look Louis in the eyes. “I’m fine,” He grumbled, heading to the stairs.

“Harry…please don’t hate me…I’m sorry…I just…” Louis wasn’t sure how to word it. He didn’t want to out himself as afraid, but he didn’t want Harry hating him either. He wasn’t sure if he could handle that.

“I know…” Harry sighed, pausing at the stairs. “I don’t hate you, Louis. I hate myself for not being able to help you.”

“Harry, come on. Don’t hate yourself over this. It’s not your fault.”

“Louis, you don’t understand.” Harry faced him. “You’re dying and I’m here, helpless, watching it happen. I can’t even help my best friend through the toughest moment in his life.”

Stop it! Shut up! Just stop it, Harry! I can’t take it if you’re hurting over this! Louis thought as he came near Harry.

“Do you remember…” Louis took Harry’s hand, holding it tightly. “…When a friend of yours died last year. And you were so upset.” Harry looked at Louis, confused. “I watched you tear yourself apart over it and I felt completely helpless, because you were hurting and there was nothing I could do or say to make you feel better.” Louis tugged on Harry’s hand, pulling him closer.

Harry watched in anticipation, his heart racing. What is this feeling? Why is my heart racing so badly? Harry thought as he just watched Louis’ every move.

“And then one day I just gave you that huge hug…and you cried all your frustrations out on me.” Louis pulled Harry into a hug. “You’re my best friend, Harry. You can tell me anything. You can vent to me anytime. If you’re sad, let’s be sad together.”

Harry stood there in silence, not sure what to say. His heart was beating faster and faster the longer Louis was touching him. He had no idea why he was feeling this way. This never happened any other time they would hug, but now…whether it was just Louis saying Harry’s name or Louis touching Harry in the slightest…it just made him feel all weird inside.

Harry tried to shake these weird feelings and wrapped his arms around Louis. “I’m afraid, Lou. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know what I’ll do without you in my life.”

Louis pulled away slightly, his arms still around Harry, but he was now looking him in the eyes.

“It’ll be okay, I promise. All of this will be okay in the end.” Louis smiled slightly, trying to cheer Harry. “I love you, Harry.”

The words hit Harry a little bit. What…

“You’re my best friend and I love you. We will get through this.” Louis continued, easing Harry a little bit.



Harry laid in bed, his mind racing with everything that had happened today.

I love you, Harry.

The last time Louis had said that to him was the night of the CD release last year. Harry pretended this entire time that he forgot all about it, but the truth was that Louis’ words never left his mind.

He couldn’t help but wonder if Louis honestly meant them or if he said it because he was drunk. Harry wasn’t sure if he wanted them to be the truth or not. Could Louis really love him?

“Stupid,” Harry mumbled, rolling over on his side. He decided that it wasn’t true. Louis and Harry were nothing more than best friends. There was no way that Louis could be in love with Harry.

But Harry couldn’t help but think about if Louis’ words were true. If Louis told Harry that and meant it, how would he respond?

Harry felt those weird butterflies in the pit of his stomach again. Just the thought of Louis loving him made him uneasy. But was this uneasiness a good thing or bad thing?

Harry closed his eyes, hoping to drift off to sleep and forget about today. He wanted to push the events and these feelings away.

“Louis and I are just best mates. Nothing more. Louis doesn’t love me.”

But as Harry said this to himself out loud, he couldn’t help but wish what he had said wasn’t true.