There for Me

Harry sat on the couch staring at a girl across from him who had in the past few years became a ghost that haunted him. She sat cross legged on the couch gnawing on her pale bottom lip as she looked at the ground. She couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eyes.

“Why are you here?” He finally spoke.

“I didn’t want to come here but I had no where else to go.” She said as her American accent passed her lips. Her voice was enough to send chills up his spine.

“You couldn’t have begged someone else.” He almost seethed.

“I’m not a whore.” She said finally looking up at him as her dark eyes locked on his green one. He couldn’t help but see how dead her eyes. They lacked the spark they used to have.

“I’m not calling you a whore. You begging for money has nothing to do with you being a whore.”

“How do you know I here for your money.” She said uncrossing her skinny legs and putting them on the ground.

“Cecily I only see you when you want something.”

She laid on the grass enjoying the feeling of how it felt against the back of her bare thighs. She turned her head to the side to see Harry staring at her almost in awe.

“What are you staring at?” She asked closing her eyes.

“At how stunning you are babe.” He said licking his full lips.

“You don’t have to sweet talk me, to get into my pants.” She said laughing. All he roll his eyes at her comment. Cecily knew damn well that Harry loved sex, but she also knew that he truly did care about her and not everything was about having sex. “Don’t be insulted Hazza.” She said sitting up and running that hand lighting across his jaw.

“I’m not.” He said defensively.

“You are too cute when you get all frustrated.”

He couldn’t for the life of him figure out why she got to him so much. Cecily on the other hand loved the fact that she got to him so much. She enjoyed getting him frustrated.

“You’re just cute in general.” He smiled.

“I hate how you look at me now.” She said changing the subject.

“How do I look at you?” He knew at he really looked at her, but he wanted her to say how she thought he looked at him.

“I’m all some worthless whore.” She spoke slowly as if it was hard for her to say.

“I feel like every time I see you I’m looking at a ghost.” He messed with his hair slowly.

“Is that what am to you a ghost?” She looked away from him again and started looking at the floor. “Do I haunt you?” She left him speechless.

“You could say that.” He said staring at her hoping she would look him in the eyes again. “Cecily please just tell me why you are here.”

“Harry how did you find out about my problem?” She asked changing the subject.

She leaned against the wall moving her hips to the beat of the song. She ran her fingers through her long brown hair enjoying the feeling. She pushed herself off the wall walking towards the kitchen to get herself a drink. She smiled as she saw the bottle of vodka sitting on the counter. She reached into the fridge pulling out a bottle of fruit punch. She mixed her drink and walked on to the balcony enjoying the fresh air.

“So where’s lover boy?” She turned around to see a tall blond guy she had known since year ten.

“He’s on tour.” She said licking her lips after taking a drink of the sweet poison in the cup.

“So he leaves you all alone to party?” He asked walking closer to her.

“Yeah.” She said before taking in another drink.

“Well how about me and you have some fun?” He said raising his eyebrow as he stuck his hands in his pocket.

“I’m not going to cheat on my boyfriend.” She said leaning against the railing.

“I’m not asking you to cheat.” He said pulling out a bag with white powder in it. Cecily bit her lip as she stared at the bag not sure what to say or do. “One time won’t hurt.” He said giving her a wicked smirk.

“Louis told me.” He said standing up.

“How the hell did Louis find out?” She asked confused.

“You where at a party Eleanor was at and she saw you and [i[]Ryan.” He closed his eyes tightly as he said Ryan’s name. Harry hated him with every bone in his body. Ryan was the reason he lost Cecily.

“I always wondered that.”

From the beginning she tired her hardest to hide her problem from Harry. She managed to for six months. It was kinda easy do to the fact that he was on tour quiet often. Everything started to fall apart when he found out.

Cecily stumbled into her flat after a long night out with Ryan. She ran her finger up and down her arm loving the feeling. She threw her purse on the ground and head towards her bedroom. She decided to hang out with Ryan last time before Harry came home, because she knew she wasn’t going to be able to until Harry left again in two months for tour.

She pulled her shirt off before she walked into her bedroom. She opened her bedroom door and was startled to find Harry sitting on her bed with a disappointed look on his face.

“Did you forget you were going to meet me at the airport?” He asked annoyed.

“That’s tomorrow.” She said leaning against the door after closing it.

“No it was tonight.” He said getting off the bed and walking towards her. “I bet the press is going to have a hay day about my girlfriend being the only one that didn’t come pick me up at the airport.” He said as he got closer to her.

“I’m sorry.” She said taking deep breathes tiring her hardest to stay calm. She didn’t want Harry to notice that she was high.

“Cecily what’s wrong?” He asked turning the bedroom light on.

“Nothing.” She lied.

“Why are you all sweaty?” He asking pressing his warm hand to her forehead. “How are you all sweaty but you’re body is cold?” Asked as if he already knew the answer. He looked her right in the eyes letting her know that he already knew the answer. He slowly reached into the front pocket of her jeans. She didn’t even bother to try to stop him. He pulled out a clear white bag with white powder in it, and stared at it in horror. “I guess I got my answer.” Harry said stepping away from her.

“It’s not what you think.” She said stepping towards him as he walked towards her bed.

“Really then explain to me what it is.” He said as he putting his hands on both of her shoulder and stared into her dark eyes. She did say anything she just started to cry. “How long?”

“Six months.” She said as she started to sob.

“Are you going to stop?” He said holding her at arms length.

“I can’t.”

“You know cocaine took you away from me.” He said sitting back down.

“I know it did.”

“I had you then all the sudden I lost you. You where there for me, and then you slowly started slipping away, when I needed you, you weren’t even there.” He seethed. He was telling her things he could never bring himself to say. He always had a fear of hurting her. He had finally had it, she had hurt him to the point he needed to tell her what he was thinking.

“I know I’m sorry.” Cecily hated the fact that she hurt Harry. She loved him and she was pretty sure she still did, and the fact that she broke his heart and hurt him made her hate herself.

“I don’t think you understand how much you hurt me.”

“Harry I do.”

“No you don’t. While you were out getting high with Ryan, I had to go to my grandmother funeral alone. I left the tour alone and flew home. I prayed that I would come home and find you waiting for me with open arms. Instead I come home and go straight to your flat to find you and Ryan pretty much shagging.” He took a deep breath trying to calm down. “After that I took you back and once again you left me high and dry. I barely ever saw you, and when I did it was when you come ask me for money.” Tears stared to well up in his eyes. “I gave you money to buy more cocaine, because I knew how much you suffered when you were going through withdrawls, but you know what you where mentally gone from me high or sober. No matter what you were gone. I not only lost you to a person, I lost you to a bloody fuck substance.” He shouted. She just started to cry as he told her everything he needed to say.

“If I could take back everything I would in a heartbeat.” She said as she started to sob.

“When it was finally over you would still come crawling back every so often when you need money and what the sad thing is that I kept giving it to you. Also what’s the saddest thing of them all was is that I craved seeing you that even seeing you broke down and begging me for money it let me have something. At least I got to see you and I knew you were alive.” He said as tears slid down his cheek.

“Harry. I hate the person I became.”

“I hate her too.” He said crying. At the mere word hate he shattered her heart. “You know I thought you loved me, but in the end you did love me anymore.”

“Harry I still loved you.”

“No you didn’t, because if you loved me you wouldn’t have done what you did.” He said looking at the ground.

“Harry I was gone, I didn’t care about anyone but myself.” She said almost admitting she didn’t love Harry. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t love you.”

“You can tell me you did, but I will never believe you.” He bit his lip and closed his eyes. His words caught her completely off guard. “Now please just tell me why you are here.”

“I came here to tell you that I’m clean.” She said softly.

“How long have you been clean?” He said with tears still sliding down his cheek.

“I’ve be clean for ninety-six days.”

“That’s good to know, but I’m telling you now that doesn’t change anything.” He said harshly.

“I know it doesn’t. I really just wanted to let you know how sorry I am.” She crossed her legs again and looked back up at him locking eyes with him. “Part of sober living the want you to mend the fences you burned.” She pushed the tears off her cheek as continued to look at him. “Harry I feel like I hurt you more then anyone. I just want to know if there is anyway to fix what I’ve done.”

He was quiet as if he was taking in everything she said. He couldn’t be more happy she was clean, but he didn’t know if he could forgive her. There was too much water under the bridge for him just to forgive her. “I don’t know if you can fix what you’ve done.” He said finally breaking the silence.

“Okay I understand.” She said as tears continued to fall from her dark eyes. “I can’t tell you how much I miss having you in my life.”

“You should know we’ll never be together again after everything that happen. I really don’t think I could handle you breaking my heart again.”

“Harry I’m not asking for a relationship, I just want you back in my life again.”

“The only way that could happen is if you promised me you won’t slip up. I can promise you I won’t be there to help you up if you do slip up.” He was unsure of what he was saying. He felt like he was going to regret letting her back into his life, but in reality he missed having her in his life. He really wanted to trust that she would stay clean.

“Harry I’m trying my hardest everyday not to slip up. I want to stay sober.” It was the truth Cecily wanted to be sober, she was sick of feeling like she was disappointing everyone. She felt like she had to stay sober for not only herself but for everyone she hurt.

“We’re not friends, but we can work on becoming friends again.”

“Thank you. It means a lot to me that you are giving me another chance.”

“I’m only giving you one chance.” He said standing up.

“Okay.” She said standing up. They just stared at each other for a moment taking in everything that had just happen. Harry took a deep breath and held it in for a moment before closing the distance between the two of them. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. He realized how much he missed her touch. Cecily couldn’t help but smile as he held her close. “Thank you.” She whispered.

“Please don’t let me down.” He whispered before pressing his lips to the top of her head.