He Never Told Me What He Did for a Living

The number that was rattled off made my heart drop to my feet. “Of course, there’s always the option of the…cheaper caskets I showed you first,” said the salesman, unenthusiastically gesturing to the stack of plain boxes.

I bit my lip- this wisp of a man couldn’t care less about me shopping for my Gran’s coffin- he just wanted to make a sale. There was no way I could afford the one I really wanted for her- a nice cherry wood one with an off-white silk interior.

Shopping for a box that my Gran would be buried in was hard enough, but these prices made it downright impossible.

The door to the parlor opened, letting the sun shine in briefly. The salesman anxiously walked over to the customer and greeted him. “Hello, sir. How can I help you today?”

I didn’t catch the customer’s reply, too lost in thought of how I could make this work. In fact, I didn’t notice anything until a hand clamped over my upper arm. “Josie?”

Startled, I looked up. “Oh, Gee! You scared me a bit,” I said with a small smile. I was genuinely happy to see him, but I was sure he knew that.

We hadn’t really talked about the ‘thing’ that happened between us at the hospital. We’d managed to get dressed and decent before the doctor had stopped by, thankfully. The doctor had handed me a script for Zoloft, telling me it was a mild antidepressant that would help with this painful time.

I’d taken it, and had it filled, but had yet to take any of the pills.

“So, have you found one yet?” he asked, gesturing to the coffins scattered around us.

I sighed. “Even with the little that Gran left me, I can’t really afford any of these, Gee. I don’t know what to do…”

“Josie, let me help you,” Gerard said, turning me to face him.

I stared at him. “Gee…I can’t let you do that. I mean, I don’t have a job so that I could pay you back-”

He shushed me with a finger. “You won’t have to,” he said, then waved over the salesman. “Which one did the lady want?”

The salesman pushed up his black framed glasses and pointed out the coffin I wanted, then rattled off the price, considerably cheaper than what he’d told me. I gaped at the salesman, and Gerard caught my stare.

“Did he tell you a different price?” he asked, staring down the man. He gulped as I nodded, then told Gerard exactly how much he’d tried to sell the coffin to me for.

Gerard leveled him with a look. “You should be ashamed of yourself. This young lady has just lost the woman who has raised her for eighteen years, and you’re doing your damndest to screw her out of money that she doesn’t even have,” Gerard said harshly.

“Is there a problem here, sir?” Yet another parlor employee approached, and from the looks of him, he was higher up than the weasel who’d tried to rob me.

“Are you a manager?” Gerard asked, assuming the same thing I had.

“Yes sir. Billy Holder, at your service,” he said, reaching to shake Gerard’s hand.

Calmly, Gerard introduced himself, then explained what the employee had attempted with me. Billy stared at the employee for a moment and shook his head. “Verne, pack up your things. You’re fired.”

I felt my eyes widen, and Billy looked at me. “This isn’t the first time he’s attempted this, Ms. Scott. It’s not your fault, dear. I would, however, like to express my condolences for your loss. I understand she was your grandmother, but she raised you?”

Tearing up, I nodded. “Yes. She is…was the best.”

Gerard cleared his throat and pulled me closer to his side, despite his fear that the media would get wind of our ‘relationship’. “So, she’s chosen this coffin,” he said, pointing out the shiny box, then quoted the last price Verne had given him.

Billy shook his head. “No, that’s not right either. I apologize for this, Mr. Way.” Billy motioned for us to follow him to his office, where he pulled up the coffin on his computer and gave Gerard the correct price.

I let out a sigh- at Billy’s honest price, I could afford it.

“Don’t even think about it, Josie. I said I’d help you with this, and I will,” Gerard said, and turned to Billy. “Can I pay for this now?”

Billy assured him that he could use the parlor’s credit program if he desired, but Gerard just pulled out a shiny black credit card and handed it over.

“Now, about setting up the service…”

I left satisfied with the service plans Billy had helped me make, but feeling guilty that Gerard had paid for everything.

I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my black pea coat and tugged the beanie down over my ears, following Gerard out to the car.

When we’d managed to get settled into the car and had the heater running, Gerard turned to me. “Josie, please don’t feel like you have to pay me back. Things…things won’t be easy for you, once I have to leave. I want to help you while I can.”

I glanced over at him, and tried to keep from drowning in his hazel eyes. “I know, Gee. I appreciate it, I really do. But I’d feel better if someday, I could return the favor.”

He smiled softly and patted my hand. “Don’t worry about that right now,” he said, and then sighed. “You have some rough waters ahead of you, and you need to focus on yourself, not me.”

A pain shot through my chest as I remembered the events of…was it only yesterday?

I had managed not to cry since then- I had run dry. I hadn’t been able to sleep either, and it was taking its toll on me. My eyes burned, and I yawned.

“You need to sleep,” Gerard said. “Do you want to go to your house or…?” He left the question open-ended, unsure if I was ready to step foot into a house that would no longer smell like fresh-baked cookies when you walked through the front door.

“Not yet,” I whispered. “I’ll just crash at your place, if that’s alright?”

Biting his lips, he nodded, and I wondered if he was thinking of the day I’d given him my virginity.

A warm feeling settled low in my belly, and I looked away as Gerard pulled the car out of the parking lot.

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” he said after a long moment of silence.

Uneasy, I looked at him. “Do what?”

He gave me a knowing look. “Hide. I feel the tension in this car as much as you do. There’s no reason to hide it, when I know that it’s eating you alive inside.”

My mouth dropped open, but I didn’t know what to say.

“It’s tearing me up too, Josie. Don’t think for a second that this is easy for me to deal with. I’m so conflicted where you’re…we’re…concerned, Josie. I don’t know what to do. I want you. It’s wrong, but that’s the truth.”

More silence ensued as I thought about his words. And the more I thought about it, the more I became certain that we’d never last. He would always feel guilty about my age, and worry about the media sharks ripping me apart.

I needed him, just for a little while longer…and then, I’d have to do a difficult thing.

I’d have to let Gerard Way go.