Be Kind

Living in LA is a mix of good and bad. I live near wherever I needed to be; shopping places, food places, even transportation. The bad things included homeless, traffic, and the assholes. I didn’t need the assholes of LA around me all the time, I already got them enough at work. I wasn’t complaining about my jobs I had two great jobs but depending on the day the people around me at work can be a bit too much to handle.

I lived in a quaint apartment complex in LA a few blocks from Amoeba records and right behind the venue The Knitting Factory. I had two jobs, both part time, one of which to follow my dreams and the other to have some extra money cause let’s face it, it isn’t cheap to live in LA. My extra money job was at Amoeba Records where I was a cashier and on slow days I would stock the shelves. I did end up following my dreams after I went to the Musicians Institute for Audio Engineering I got hired as a production assistant for Howard Benson which had its perks, I mean he was a Grammy nominated producer.

I got to work with some great artists and some not so fun to hear do 20 takes of vocals. I often went home with headaches, but I did work with some beautiful sounding artists like Meg and Dia on what I consider their best album, but I could be biased. Howard never told me who we were working with next, probably assuming I’d run away if I didn’t like the artist.

We had just finished working with Apocalyptica when Howard told me our next band would be more ‘my style,’ hoping he was right I left the studio and headed out to Amoeba for my shift. At around 4pm I got a text from Howard

Howard – I was looking into the band were going to produce and their last producer was Matt Squire haha

Howard and I always made fun of Squire; he always used too much auto-tune and never let artists perform to their full potential. I could only say I liked a few of his albums fully. My phone went off again before I could reply

Howard – They’re from Arizona too, maybe you know them.

I hated how Howard assumed I knew everyone in Arizona just because I grew up there. I hoped none of my ex’s bands went anywhere or at least I hoped they weren’t recording an album. I never really tried to talk to any of my ex’s after we were done, I figure once were done, were done, it’s dumb to even try and stay in contact.

After work I walked into my apartment hoping for a long night of R&R but instead I walked in to see Brett, my friend who I should have never given a key.

“Hello Ashton, ready to go out?” I knew I hadn’t made plans with him, I hadn’t made plans with anyone for awhile two jobs took everything out of me.

“No I’m not. I’m ready to relax and finally just not do anything.” I stated as he came up behind me and snaked his arm around my waist.

“You do that every night I just want to hang out with my girl.” He kissed my neck, Brett wasn’t my boyfriend and I definitely wasn’t ‘his girl’ we started as best friends and now were more of a friends with benefits type thing is what most people call it.

“Yes and I enjoy relaxing every night Brett. I’m just tired I want to go to bed.” He flipped me around to face him.

“I can go to bed with you.” He kissed me; I pushed him off and walked past him.

“If you don’t want sex you can sleep in my bed.” I assumed he would leave after that but he didn’t he just followed me into my room. I stripped down into my underwear and he made a compliment about my body and I made some rude remark about his lankiness as I sunk into my far too comfortable queen sized bed. I was actually somewhat happy Brett stayed because sleeping alone was getting old.

I had my alarm set for 7:45 which killed Brett who was not a morning person and I admit I never got used to waking up early. I tried to roll out of bed but was pulled back by Brett’s arms. “Why do you have to get up so early?” I rolled over to face him, I felt bad for being grumpy the night before, I gave him a small peck.

“Sorry baby were working with a new band today I have to get there early.” I kissed him again “I’m only working with Howard today and not going to the record store so we can hang out after I’m done?”

“Or, you can just not get ready so early and just bum it to work today and we can hang out right now.” He flipped me on my back and straddled my hips as he brought his lips to my neck, I lost it. I definitely would have to ‘bum it’ to work. I was supposed to be at work at 9 o’clock sharp, the studio being on the other side of town but by the time Brett was done with me it was already 8:45, there was no hope in getting to work on time and I needed to throw some kind of clothes on still.

The ‘bumming it’ outfit included a pair of blue skinnies, my toms, and a wildfox tank with a jacket since It was probably the coldest part of the year so far so to top off my outfit I added a scarf to cover Brett’s mouth work. I was so annoyed that even though I was ‘bumming it’ I was still going to be late and wearing no make-up.

I pulled into a parking space near the studio at around 9:15. I walked in to the building and up the stairs and into the dark red and black studio that I was so accustomed to. Realizing no one but Howard was there I sat on the couch confused. “You’re late.” He stated, I wasn’t too sure why it mattered since the band wasn’t there either.

“Yea, but the talent isn’t even here yet so I’m sorry but it shouldn’t matter.” I knew talking back to him wouldn’t risk my job, Howard and I were pretty close for a boss employee relationship, we had a good friendship. He sighed at my statement as he slouched into his comfy chair.

“No they were here on time. I told them to get breakfast and wake up; they looked like zombies walking in here. Maybe starting recording in the morning wasn’t such a good idea.” He laughed and I knew I was off the hook. “So you’re late and aren’t even dressed up? Did you sleep through your alarm or something?” I just shook my head at him as I grabbed my makeup bag from my purse and sat on the couch next to a strangely familiar looking bass.

I began applying my makeup annoyed that I was dressed for winter weather and Howard had the heater on. I slid off my jacket and scarf before Howard spoke again. “Ah now I see why you’re late, you obviously had a long night.” I scoffed at him.

“Actually I went to bed early last night but I definitely had a long morning.” I felt so awkward telling my boss this information.

“Well since it’s hot in here you’re not going to want to wear that scarf you should go put some make up on it or something.” I left the room and went into the bathroom I looked in the mirror; I had no clue the hickeys were that bad. I covered them up with foundation before finishing my face make up and then walking back into the studio.

“See no scarf needed now.” He said as a knock was heard at the door, he opened it and the five guys greeted him and I recognized every last one of them. I threw my jacket back on with the hood over my head then grabbed my scarf and covered my face as best as I can so that I could still see and breathe. Mr. Super tall and lanky being the first one in, followed by Kennedy, Jared, Pat, and Garrett. They had all grown up, a lot. John seemed taller, more mature, and definitely more handsome. Kennedy had finally grown out of his baby face, Pat’s hair was grown out a lot since freshman year, Jared seemed happier, and Garrett looked a lot better, being best dressed of the five which was a big jump from gym shorts and neon headbands. I did know them, wished I didn’t, this would be a long few weeks of production.

“Who’s the mummy?” Garrett asked pointing at me.

“Uh that’s Ashton my assistant and no I can’t explain why she’s covered like that, usually she likes to be revealing.” Howard answered I turned away so they wouldn’t see through my hood and scarf.

“Well she seems friendly.” John joked, his voice was rougher now, I assumed he picked up smoking. It was how my voice became after I started smoking.

“She usually is very friendly even with bands she doesn’t like; hmm well she had a long morning so she’s probably tired.”

“I need a smoke break!” I mumbled out through my scarf, grabbed my bag, and ran out the studio door. After I closed the door behind me I stood there for a second to understand what was happening. To understand that my ex boyfriend’s band was in my place of work, how they would continually be there for weeks on end, my job was never much of a problem for me until now.

I really did need a cigarette, I went down the stairs and out the back door into the alley, it was a very cold California day. You couldn’t even tell there was a lot of smog because all you saw were rain clouds. I lit my cigarette with my Zippo then sat down against the wall in the alley. I heard the door open 5 minutes later when I was lighting my second cigarette. I pulled my hood back up and looked down in case it was someone from The Maine. Kennedy sat down next to me and lit a cigarette.

“Howard doesn’t want to start without you, if you’re having a bad day I’m sorry.” He seemed like the same Kennedy I had remembered just really sweet.

“No, I’m sorry I don’t normally act like this. Some problems from the past flooded out on me today. I’ll head back in so we can start tracking guitar, so you might want to come in as well.” I put out my cigarette as he put out his and followed me into the building.

“How’d you know I played guitar?” He asked as we started up the stairs, I froze in my spot a bit before answering.

“Just a lucky guess, I guess. You look like a guitarist.” I didn’t want to let him know I was the Ashton he knew, the one that ruined everything between us for a stupid lanky boy. I didn’t still like him that way but if he still hated me for everything I didn’t want this production time to be awkward but me acting like a freak didn’t make it any better.

“We’re going to get to know you sooner or later, you should try being less socially awkward.” Great, soon they would realize they already know me, or the old me, I grew up quite a bit but so did they. A lot changes between high school and being 21. We walked back into the studio and Howard pulled me to the side.

“What’s with you all of a sudden?” he was a mix of pissed and worried

“I know them, I fucked two of them over in high school and I haven’t necessarily talked to them since. I don’t want things to be awkward during production, they HATED me Howard, the only one I talked to afterwards was the red head and that was only because he was dating my best friend.” Howard gave me a hug, I’m glad I could tell someone.

“They aren’t allowed to hate you in front of me; otherwise I won’t make them a good record.” I smiled which he probably couldn’t see through my scarf “But if you want to keep wearing the face mask it’s okay with me.” I sat down in my comfortable swivel chair. I did want to keep my face mask on, no vocals had been applied that day but I could tell just from the music they had matured musically since their high school days, thank God.

“How do you like it so far?” Kennedy asked me as he came out from doing rhythm guitar after the millions of takes Howard asked for because of needing ‘The right sound’

“It sounds better.” I was referring to the old days; I realized I was terrible at pretending to not be myself.

“Better than what?” he was confused even though I was hoping he’d let it slide.

“Better than I expected it to be I guess.” He chuckled.

“I’m glad you expected so much from us.” He walked and sat down on the couch and sat down next to John. Another hour or two of awkwardness passed with me texting Roxy, Garrett’s ex about all that my day had become before my phone went off my ringtone being ‘Los Angeles, I’m Yours’ by The Decemberists.

“I think I love you,” John stated before I ignored the call “These guys won’t even listen to The Decemberists, and that song! I love that song it was my old best friend from high school’s favorite.” He always got excited about music it was cute.

“It doesn’t stop him from playing it in the bus though so technically we listen to them all the time.” Jared said and I laughed, Jared always made me laugh. “So why are you so awkward anyways? Were fun guys and you seem kind of cool although I’m making an assumption. Come out to the bar with us tonight you can’t stay wrapped up every day, can you?” I definitely needed a drink and I knew they would find out eventually, I was just scared.

“Yeah Ash, you can do it.” I shot Howard a glare I thought he understood. I answered with a fine, whatever.

I was dreading the end of day one of recording I had no want to go with them although it was really interesting seeing their growth since high school, I was intimidated I didn’t think I’d changed that much. “I think were done for the day” Howard said turning off the studio light as I set all the dials back to zero. I grabbed my bag and was ready to go. We planned to carpool and since Howard and I were locals we drove. I was lucky I got a new car as a graduation present otherwise this would have been totally obvious, I now had a grey range rover which was a step up from my ’99 Jetta.

I ended up taking Garrett and Pat only. “So, are you going to talk to us?” my Ryan Adams album started blaring in the car as Garrett asked and then I saw him fan girl as ‘Amy’ started.

“Can you keep a secret?” Pat and Garrett both nodded and I continued to pull my scarf off. I breathed in scared and pulled down my hood.

“Ashton!?” Garrett was too loud “I mean Ashton, Ashton, how did none of us put two and two together?” his eyes got wide. “Now I get why you were hiding, damn this is kind of awkward.” I laughed slightly at his reaction.

“Yeah, tell me about it, since bars are hot though, I won’t be able to wear my ‘disguise’ and I don’t want to anymore it’s dumb but I don’t want them to see me, not yet so yeah I’m in a dilemma.” I paused “But it’s really nice to see you guys, I haven’t seen any of you since Roxy and Garrett broke up.”

“At the end of that school year we all hated each other. I mean I just ended it with a long time girlfriend recently so yeah I obviously moved on from Roxy.” He sounded sad about the break up. “Jared is the only one with a girlfriend right now, Kennedy cheated on his and lost her, and John never had one since he broke it off with Myriah for reasons I’ll let him explain, and Pats just a lone wolf.”

“Wow, it’s crazy that I’m helping produce you’re album.” I was really thinking how crazy it was that Kennedy cheated on his girlfriend, he used to be such a great guy. “Do you think that Kennedy and John will still be holding a grudge about me?” I never had friends like them since high school.

“You actually have been brought up quite a few times since high school, they tend to never bring up the bad stuff so who knows if they hold a grudge, but it was a really long time ago.” Garrett tried to reassure me as we pulled into the bars parking lot, Angels and Kings was our bar of choice. I got out of my car and Howard’s car hadn’t gotten there yet.

“I’m going in already.” I walked in before everyone and went straight to the bar; I couldn’t drink too much even though I so badly wanted to. It had been an hour or so and I didn’t run into any of the guys except Garrett. I got a text from Howard that we were leaving in 30 minutes. I just walked out, I needed a cigarette anyways. Leaning against the wall by the door I lit up the last cigarette of my pack and since I started the day with a full pack I could tell how stressed I was. The cigarette was almost completely burnt to the cotton when John walked out of the bar door, I pulled up my hood right away.

“Ashton, it’s okay I know it’s you.” I pulled it down again as he pulled out a pack of Camel Crush’s he pulled out two and offered me one which I kindly accepted. “I’m not stupid you know? I mean I guess the rest of the guys are though. Your voice hasn’t really changed that much, so you covering your face didn’t really do anything for me. When Howard said you’re name I just put it together. I just went along with your little ‘You can’t see me’ thing” I felt so dumb but I guess four out of five wasn’t so bad.

“Well… uh yeah….. So” I was awkward and didn’t know what to say he laughed his adorable chuckle.

“At least I know your awkwardness hasn’t changed.” I could barely see the features on his face in the very dim light they had outside the bar but he was smiling.

“I don’t think my awkwardness will ever change but this situation definitely made it worse than normal.” I sighed.

“I have to admit I was kind of uneasy about you being the production assistant but I used to trust you more than anything, we just didn’t leave off too well. High School is high school it’s in the past and I’m willing to leave it behind us if you will I was dumb in high school and couldn’t get over a grudge I apologize.” I smiled, he was taking this better than I expected, I accepted his deal, getting over the past seemed like a great idea.

“You’re going to ruin your voice.” I said as he inhaled, trying to make small talk was something I was terrible at small talk.

“It’s already shot; the rough voice is sexier to some girls anyways.” I laughed admitting it was pretty much the truth. “You’re ruining your voice missy!”

“Mines been shot, I stick to producing, I enjoy it more.” It was nice talking to him like a normal person.

“You must have shit bricks when you saw us walk in today, you might’ve made it worse by covering up with that scarf, although Kennedy was trying to flirt with you through it. He said you were ‘weird, in a good way’ if only he knew.” I just laughed again awkwardly, not knowing what to say as the bar door opened and Garrett walked out.

“So John knows now?” I nodded “So Kennedy and Jared are the only ones out of the loop?” I could tell he wanted to blab about it to someone.

“Don’t worry everyone will find out tomorrow” Now that I said it I was worried but John took it well so I hoped Kennedy would too.

“Woot, we actually get to see your face all day, we are so lucky.” John said sarcastically and I hit him before leaving before Kennedy came out. I dropped off Garrett and Pat at the place they were living at for the time being then went home. A long day finally over.