She Will Be Loved

Black. It was black all around me and a bright white shadow was standing before me.
“GET OUT!!! I DON’T NEED YOU! I HATE YOU!”
“YOU WILL BE MINE!”
“I WILL NEVER BE YOURS!!!”
“YOU CAN’T LEAVE! YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE ME!”
“WATCH ME!” Pounding. Crying. Pain. Struggling. Chains. I was wrapped in chains. Every time I moved they got tighter.
“WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!” I moved again. Ouch… ow! It hurt. I could barely breath.
“I said you’d never leave.” They… they’re gone now. Where’d they go? How… how could they leave? I tried to stand to go after them. Too tight. No oxygen. I was falling. Suddenly I felt weightless, free. I could breathe again.
“I love you Joslin.” Where was he? I needed to see him before I went.
“Erik… Erik. I love you too.” I wasn’t falling, I was floating. I was going up. There was a window in my way. I broke through it.
I woke up on the floor. I must have rolled out of bed while I was asleep. I sat still for a moment, trying to remember my dream. It was then I heard the faint rise of voices from downstairs. What they were saying was muffled, and I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I listened carefully, and I recognized one of the voices. Erik. Who was here? The other voice I knew was a women by the tone. Why would there be a woman here? Why would they be arguing? I stood up slowly. The clock on my bedside table glowed green numbers. 1:28 pm. Still in pajamas, which the girls were nice enough to give me, I crept out into the open hall. I quietly rushed down the stairs and to the door that goes into the main hall. I slowly opened the door a crack, and peeked in. To my horror, I saw Allison, she was back for another round.
“You can’t take her!” Erik screamed in true anger.
“Why? What is she to you!?”
“Everything! If you actually listen to her you would see how much potential she has!” It was nice to meet someone who believed in me. He was taking risks with her for me. I wanted to believe he wasn’t part of any of this, but the truth is… he’s just as deep in it as I am.
“HAH! You really are funny! I’ve known her for her whole life!”
“Don’t even say you know her, you know nothing about her!”
“I do know her! I’m her mother!”
“You are NOT her mother! Open your god damn eyes! All you’ve ever done is hurt her!!”
“That’s not true!!” She was screaming. I wasn’t prepared for what was about to happen.
“YES IT IS!!” The words were out of my mouth before I even thought of them. They both stared at me, unknowing of my presence. Allison stared in disbelief. Erik stood there watching me with his hurting brown eyes, defensive. Maybe they were even pleading for me to go.
“Come on. We’re going home!” She grabbed my wrist again, just as she had yesterday.
“I. AM. HOME!!” I found the strength to tear my arm away from her.
“GO ON! Go back to that room! That place where you hide!! This isn’t your home!!” I somehow pulled it all together, and I found the strength to bring these words to the surface.
“All you ever did was lock me in my room while you got drunk and hooked up with random guys! You never cared about me! You never spent time with me! And you AREN’T my mother! I’m not the one who’s hiding! I never actually had a home, and now I have one!”
“Don’t you EVER talk to me like that! This is NOT where you belong! So shut up and get your scrawny little ass out that door!”
“NO! I’M GOING TO TALK AND YOU’RE GOING TO LISTEN!” She just stood there, her jaw was hanging open. She was quiet so I took advantage, I was going to try to at least make her listen. “You are the reason I was so lost and wanted to die! I was already dead inside when dad left and when you wouldn’t spend any time with me, but you kept hurting me! Every night, I go to sleep terrified of the possibility that I’ll have to go back to you! Go back to that dark room, those sick men, a drunken mother, and not knowing what would happen. I felt alone. All the time, I was scared and alone. I didn’t even know who I am! The worst part of it is that you were making me do this!!” my voice started to crack, and my eyes started to burn. No. I was not going to cry. Not now. “You gave me bruises, but so did they. You broke my heart, you broke my soul, and you have given me a broken mind. I’ve tried to kill myself because of you. Now, I’m finally happy. You can’t come in and tear me down again! I won’t let you! But I’ll tell you this, I HATE you. And I’m finally finding myself, and starting to be happy and find out who the hell I really am. So no. I’m not going. I’m not letting you in anymore. Now get out.” My voice was loud but weak.
“This is not over.” She snapped at me. She walked out the door and slammed it, I felt shaken. I was happy that she listened to me, but I felt dead. Erik came over to me while I watched the door. He put his arm around me and rubbed my arm. It calmed me down some.
“She’s right. It’s not over, it’s just begun.” Maybe it would never be over. I was preparing starting exactly that moment. I was preparing for whatever was coming. I turned into Erik’s arms on my own this time. He held me and I wouldn’t let him let me go, he didn’t try anyway. It felt good to be in his arms. It felt good to be home.