Something Beautiful.

I check myself in the mirror one last time, combing my fingers through my hair and making sure it's virtually perfect. Not that it matters much but still.

It's Tuesday and it's nine-thirty in the morning; we were finally going to meet Harris at lunch today. I'd seen Nick and her together a few times, in the halls and stuff, but I'd yet to formally meet her. She was a pretty thing from what I could tell, and Nick was crazy about her. Texting her twenty-four seven and going on more dates, seeing movies and eating out. Well, anytime he wasn't at basketball practice that is. I'd yet to see her at one of his games, either. She better be the supportive time or we'll have to have a talk.

Nick hasn't asked her to be his girlfriend yet, but tonight after his basketball game he was going to. He already told me his plan. He was going to introduce her to us today and hopefully when she showed up at his game tonight, she would hang out with us and then afterwards, she would say yes to his big question.

I bundled myself up in a huge hoodie and a coat, a hat over my ears and gloves on my hands. I even wore my mocassins which I'd yet to wear to school. I was afraid it would make me look flamming but I guess maybe I am so what's the point?

It's been three weeks since Thanksgiving. We only had this week left before we got out for Christmas break and I was excited. I wanted to sleep in until noon everyday and I would be damned if I didn't. Poor Shane said he was still getting up early to run. There's a reason I don't do anything like that.

Then again, I'm thankful he does because he is sexy.

I remember Thanksgiving night, when Shane felt my scars and told me he wouldn't leave me and that he thought I was beautiful. I woke up that morning confused and conviced he left me. That he didn't stick around like he promised. He left while I was sleeping.

Of course, those thoughts went away relatively quickly. I remembered him telling me he had to go home and kissing my cheek. I'm still in awe of the situation, in all honesty. I don't know what to think. He knows about my scars and he doesn't care? How is that possible? I'd convinced myself he would leave me because of something so ugly, yet he asked to see them. His light carress made me almost...forget.

I didn't now such a thing was possible.

Nick said that he told me from the beginning. He hugged me for a long time and told me how proud he was, and how he hoped I could become Old Noah again. For the first time since it all happened, I was starting to think maybe I could. I don't think I'll ever completely be Old Noah though. Maybe I'll become a combination of Current and Old Noah, I don't know and the more I think about it the worse my headache gets.

All I care about is that Shane didn't leave me.

I think for the first time since we got together, I love him a little bit. Don't get ahead of yourself there, I don't really love him. Not fully, not yet. But because he stayed, because he held me and ran his fingers through my hair, the thought that I could one day loved him crossed my mind. With the way things were going now, it'd be sooner rather than later.

I don't know, love is a complicated thing. All I know is that it's there, when he smiles at me and holds my hand. It's there when he rubs my right side, as he has been doing since he found out. Soft carresses of my clothed side that causes my eyes to slip closed and the need to sing to burst from my throat.

On this Tuesday, it is snowing like no other. It's the first time since winter hit that it's really been this bad. So my mom got on the t.v. and discovered we had a late start, which believe me, is the best possible news. Nick ran off to get more sleep but I took more time in my appearance than usual, wanting to make myself look good for Shane.

I know he told me I'm beautiful, but I don't believe him. I'm ugly and no matter how blind he is to that fact, society agrees with me. That's the way things are in this world. Whether we like it or not.

When Nick woke up the second time, he told me he was picking Harris up for school. I had looked at him for all of two seconds before asking if that meant Shane could drive me. Nick seemed reluctant because he says he misses me on the drives, but I am not going to be the thirdwheel. I would rather be the second wheel while Shane is the first wheel and yeah, this just got really corny.

So Nick got an early start to Harris's house, because 'he hasn't drove in this weather for awhile.' My ass. He probably wants to make out with her before they get to school, which kind of isn't a bad idea.

There's a quiet honk from outside and then Mom yells Shane is here. I feel giddy, an army of butterflies attacking my insides as I think of Shane being out in his truck, waiting for me. Of running out there and seeing his smiley face, and his long crazy hair. It only gets better as the days go on, too. I think of kissing his lips and wrapping myself in those strong arms and- okay. I really need to get downstairs.

I run down, my backpack slapping me in the butt with every stair I step down. Mom smiles at me and tells me to have a good day, handing me a WalMart sack of my lunch. I kiss her cheek and yell out my goodbye as I throw the door open.

It is freezing. So freezing I'm afraid I won't be able to even make it to Shane's truck. The snow is still coming down, but trucks have come through and cleared the streets, although it's only starting to stick again. I garuantee before we get out of school they'll come by again. Which I am glad for.

I run for his car quickly, snow sticking to my face and melting through my gloves. I should invest in leather gloves if the snow will be this bad.

When I yank on the truck's handle, the door is froozen onto the truck. This surprises me as I slap against the side of the door, under the impression it would have opened. I can just barely hear Shane's laughter as he leans over inside his truck, motioning for me to pull again. I narrow my eyes but try again, and this time Shane pushes from the inside and it breaks away with an unpleasant sound that makes my back shudder.

I get in quickly, slamming the door shut behind me and curling up in a ball in his front seat, pressing my gloves to my cold cheeks and nose. Shane chuckles and I peak from between my fingertips, mumbling behind my hands, "It's freezing out there."

"Well I brought you hot chocolate," he says, picking the flask up from where it rested in his cupholder and giving it to me. I uncap it and take a long drink; it burns a bit on its way down my throat, but feels so good. Shane is smiling at me and my cheeks heat up. I hope he thinks it's from the hot drink.

"You're beautiful," he says.

He says that to me every morning. He doesn't give me rides, but when we see each other in school, he hugs me and tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, or how cute my beanie is, or how the new navy hoodie I got really brought out the amber of my eyes. I can't tell anymore if he is telling me it because he believes it, or because he wants me to believe it.

I don't, and nothing he says will convince me that I am beautiful. I'm not going to complain however about that constant stream of compliments. Let him be delusional.

"Yeah," I giggle femininely, putting my flask back in the cupholder. I lean across the middle seat and catch a ringlet hanging on his forhead, sticking my finger inside it and wiggling it in front of his eyes, loving the pink that tints Shane's cheeks. "And you're pretty adorable with these curls."

"Shut up," he rolls his eyes, but I know he secretly loves it when I compliment his hair. Jules told me he used to hate it and always wore it short so that there was no curl, but when he learned that I loved them he decided to keep them. Which is such a sweet gesture, although I feel a bit guilty. Then agian, I love this about him so I don't want him to give it up. It makes him seem more Shane-ish, you know?

He kisses me on the mouth gently and I smile against his lips, watching as he leans back and grins at me. "What I've never admitted," I say, feeling a bit of confidence I've only ever felt around him, "is that I also find the head of curls to be incrediably sexy."

Shane's eyebrows raise instantly into his hairline, his hazel eyes dancing as a smile graces the corner of his lips. One of his hands instantly moves to the low of my back, pulling me closer to his own side of the truck, a smirk working it's wait onto his lips. "Oh really?" He asks me, so close I can feel his breath on my face.

I nod and close my eyes, pressing my mouth to his. At first we just kiss, but then one of my hands reach up to run through his curly hair and one of his moves to my side, clutching at the fabric of my hoodie. His tongue presses between my lips and I open up, allowing him in. I tilt my head to the side and use my other arm to grab a firm hold of his hip, having nothing else to cling too.

So we sit in my driveway, in Shane's truck, while it's snowing outside doing nothing but making out. The heater really starts kicking in and makes it hot, and we really don't have time to waste to get to school, but doing this is to much fun. As it turns out, Shane really enjoys making out. I'm not going to say it's all we do, because most of the time we're hanging out with our friends and we aren't like Jules and Madison; I have a problem making out in front of my brother. But if we're watching a movie or sitting aroud alone, we typically get distracted with not only each other's lips, but each other's tongues.

I'm not complaining.

I gasp softly, pulling away as Shane's cold fingers somehow managed to get beneath my coat, hoodie, and shirt to rest on the nasty scars on my right side. His fingers are gently are he stroaks along them and I shudder violently, burying my face in the junction between Shane's neck and his shoulder. The arm that isn't currently in my shirt moves to wrap around my body, pulling me close and I can't help but smile into the skin of his neck.

His fingers leave my skin and move up to touch my face, the tips now warm from my side. I blush but lean back again, planting one last kiss to his lips before pushing myself back into my own seat. He smiles at me as I buckle up and then grab my drink, slurping it down and feeling the warmth spread through my entire body.

I smile over at him, offering my hand once he's pulling out of my driveway and in the direction of the school, going a safe speed. He takes it and grins, and I feel like I'm on cloud nine.

After everything that happened back in December, I didn't know being this happy was an option anymore. Turns out, I was wrong.
~

Shane meets me between our classes with a huge grin, and I'm momentarily awestruck by him. He is so gorgeous, how could he call me beautiful? It's obvious who holds the beauty in this relationship. I wish I was brave enough to tell him how I actually felt.

"Hey sugar," he says, wrapping me in warm hug as soon as I am in reach. He chuckles lightly as he lets me go, ignoring the few stares we get. You'd think after nearly two months, they would understand that we are together and stop staring at us like we're something new. I wonder if that type of stuff happened between Shane and Blake.

"That's a new one," I say, smiling lightly as we head to lunch, his hand instantly finding my own.

"What?" He asks, a light chuckle in his voice as his brow furrows. I smile at him and clutch my sack-lunch, trying to disappear into my boyfriend's side as much as possible. There's too many people around for my liking and I think Shane understands, because he lets my hand drop and wraps his arm around my shoulder instead, taking me under his arm and into his side.

"Sugar," I clarify, and Shane ohs as he realizes what I meant. When I look at him he just shrugs and I laugh lightly. "You use pet names like they're going out of style."

"Meh," he says, shrugging his shoulders. "My dad calls my mom love all the time. Not any others, but maybe that's where I got it from."

"I don't mind it," I say, smiling as I take out my seat and slump into the chair, leaving the warmth of Shane's side behind. He says he has to go buy his lunch and then he leaves. It's weird being left alone but I force myself to suck it up, pulling out the leftover roast beef that Mom put on a sandwhich for me. She makes the best pot roast, believe me.

Just as I'm about to bite into my sandwhich, someone says, "Noah," scaring the living crap out of me. I jump, my sandwhich dropping back down onto it's bag.

Turning to my right, I see a boy standing there. He's in my English class and I'm pretty sure his name is Keith, but I'm not a hundred percent sure. He has light hair and blue eyes and a smile full of braces as he leans against the table, scratching the back of his neck.

I'm pretty sure my face is bright red as my heart beats widly. I reach a hand up and cover half my face, wondering what on earth he wants when I'm pretty sure we've never had a conversation before. I don't really like talking to people I don't know.

"Hey man." He says, sounding as if we're old buds and like I really even want to speak to him. "Can I borrow your notes for Mrs. Urban's? You know how killer she is and we've got that test tomorrow and I'm really screwed if I don't study the notes. I mean, I wasn't here yesterday so I just need to copy yesterdays notes. I can get them back to you by the end of the day."

I swallow thickly, removing my hand from my face and reaching for my backpack, unzipping it. "Yeah," I say, voice low and hoarse. I clear it, feeling like a retard, but Keith just keeps smiling. "Let me get them."

"Sweet," he says, grinning like I just told him the best news on the face of the world. I pull out my yellow folder and open it, the first thing inside its pockets being my notes. I hand them over and he grins, nodding his head. "We don't have any other classes together. If you give me your phone number I can text you where to meet at the end of the day?"

"Uh," I say, blushing as he pulls out an iPhone and unlocks it. "Yeah." I relay my number to him, feeling as if my cheeks are going to combust. Without a word, Shane slides into the seat next to me, a tray full of food and a smiling face. I jump a bit as I hadn't expected him to be there, and I smile back nervously.

"Sup Shane," Keith says, nodding his head, and Shane greets him back. "Thanks again Noah, I'll text you later."

With that he leaves, and it becomes awkwardly silent. At least for me it does. Shane continues eating like nothing is going on and I stare straight ahead, wonder what the hell that was all about.

"He's gonna text you, huh?" Shane asks, eyeing me. My eyes instantly widden and my cheeks redden as I stutter out why he was texting me and why I gave him my number, but Shane just laughs, resting a had on my thigh and squeezing. "Nos, I'm kidding. I don't care."

I blush profusely, staring down at my uneaten sandwhich, my hands in my lap. Shane cups my knee and rubs his thumb soothingly, though it does nothing for me. I say in a quiet tone, "He needed to borrow notes." He hums lightly, removing his hand from my knee and going back to eating. He doesn't see this as a big deal, but I feel as if I just made a huge acomplishment. I blush as I glance at him, watching the way all the meat falls out the back of his taco and he curses, angrily picking it up with his fingers and putting it back in. His comical to watch, but he soon catches my glances and raises a brow.

I blush, yet again, and look down. Before I can tell myself it's a bad idea, I lean into him. My head rests on his shoulder and my hands cup around his bicep, an excited giggle escaping my lips.

"I just talked to and gave a random person my number."

I don't know if he understands it or not, but either way he presses a kiss to my forhead and murmurs he knows. I don't know if he does, though. This is me we're talking about. When I first moved here, I didn't talk to a single person. I stuck to Nick's side and prayed no one noticed me, and I definitely didn't give people my cellphone number unless I trusted them. But I just gave my number to Keith, who I don't even know!

This feels huge, but no one else seems to think it is. Maybe I'm crazy.

"Oh non," Jules groans as he throws his stuff onto the table dramatically, scaring me out of whatever zone I disappeared into. I lean off Shane and grab my sandwhich, noting he'd already finished his tacos. I take a bite of my food and watch as Jules sits down, huffing loudly. "Madison insisted we stop to talk to Madame Delacour, about something 'urgent' and they ended up talking for hours, I swear! It was really so important that she couldn't wait until fifth? She's crazy."

"You love it," Madison says, appearing out of nowhere just like her boyfriend. She sits beside me and Jules, wiggling her brow at the ginger who grumbles something under his breath.

He leans forward and gets real close to her face; I think he's going to kiss her, but instead he steals on of her french fries and sticks it in his mouth, smirking. Madison hits him in the arm, but she barely gets him because he stands up and pushes his chair in, announcing he's going to get lunch and storming off.

Madison looks at me and grins, glancing down at my lunch. "Oh," she says, chuckling, "someone has a good lunch today."

"I know," Shane says, pouting. I give him a weird look as he snatches the uneaten half of my sandwhich and takes a bite out of it. "He won't share."

"You just took a bite," I point out, snatching my food back away from him. "And you just ate tacos!"

"You know I'm fat!" Shane huffs dramatically, collapsing onto me in a way that makes Madison burst into laughter. He leans his head heavily on my shoulder and drapes his arms aroud my back, causing me to roll my eyes but otherwise I continue eating.

Jules comes back and sets his lunch beside Madison, not saying a word. They don't look at each other, yet when Jules wraps an arm around the back of her seat, Madison leans into it. They settle naturally against each other and I'm a little amazing. It's as if they've been together their whole lives. Like they were made for each other.

That's an odd thought, but it's true. They looked so good together.

Shane finally leans off me; I'd forgotten he was still against me. I smile at him and he smiles back, grabbing my left hand and holding it in his lap. I eat with my right hand and take a certain thrill as he plays with my fingers, causing those butterflies to go off in my stomach. Glancing at him I see that his is staring down at our hands, his curls falling over his forehead, and his mouth pulled together in concentration. He is precious, I swear I could love him.

"Hey guys," Nick says as he walks up to the table. I glance up at him before doing a double take, realizing a little redhead stands at his side. She comes just over his shoulder, arms wrapped around a lunch box she holds to her torso. She wears a pair of square glasses hiding her grey-blue eyes. Her hair is so long that it reaches past her breast, and is a shade of orange-red that makes her porcelain skin look impeccable. Nick says she's only fifteen, a sophomore, but she is definitely a looker.

"This is Harris," he says, giving me a glance to try and read my expression. I smile to let him know I like her so far, before ducking my head down in shyness.

"Hey Harris," Madison says, and by the tone of her voice I know she knows the girl. "This is my boyfriend Jules," she pronounces his name right, although lately she's taken to calling him Jewels. Shane hasn't said anything and I'm waiting for him to.

"I'm Shane," my boyfriend says in a sweet tone, causing me to squeeze his hands. "This is Noah, Nick's brother and my boyfriend."

"Hi," Harris says, her voice soft and high-pitched while still being friendly. I glance up at her before blushing and covering half my face with a hand. "Nick's told me a lot about his friends."

"Only good things I hope," Jules says, chuckling loudly. Harris giggles and nods, eyes widdening as Nick pulls a chair out for her and then sitting down himself. She sits herself down, placing her pink lunchbox on the table, nervously twitting her thumbs. I realize she must be scared about meeting Nick's friends and brother. Obviously she likes him and wants to make a good impression, and the fact my brother is trying so hard to in fact impress her and that makes me really happy.

"Oh only," Harris says, laughing in a way that makes me think he's said a bit more.

I hope it was nothing about me, otherwise I'd kick is ass.
~

Varsity Boys' basketball games were huge. Practically the whole town came, filling the home crowds. Coming to the games and being apart of the the 'Corner of Chaos' was like a writ of passage for high school students in Comfort, Maine. All kinds of students showed up, stood in one corner of the stands, and screamed and yelled as loud as they could. There was stomping feet and pumping fists and vibrating vocal chords. It was awesome.

According to Shane. I've never been to a game. This is all Shane's point of view. Frankly I don't want to be apart of the 'Corner of Chaos' but Shane is going and Nick is starting and what kind of brother would I be if I didn't show up?

I come with my mom and dad, who are both decked out in Comfort Pirates hoodies and those little seats that go on the bleachers. They were losers, but the way they spoke of how proud they were of Nick and how excited they were to see him play ball was adorable and you definitely have to appreciate parents who support their kids. I have those over-invested type of parents, but I love them to death.

When I announce that I'm going to find Shane, Mom freaks out and exclaims she can't believe that I'm leaving her behind, which makes Dad wrap his arms around her waist and ask what was so bad about them being alone. Mom giggles and it was gross and I left as soon as they started kissing. They were in the middle of the hallway for Christ's sake, no one wanted to see it!

Though admittedly it was sort of cute.

Shane grins when I make my way to him, grabbing my hand and yanking me up towards the top of the stands, at the very top of the 'Corner of Chaos.' Everyone is already there; Jules, Madison, and even Harris, who stood beside Madison with a smile on her face, arms wrapped around her waist as she looked at the court. The Varsity boys were practicing before their game, a warm-up of sort. I wondered if she was watching Nick.

"Hey Noah," she says, smiling brightly as I take my respective place beside Madison. Shane and Jules sit behind us and I don't complain as my boyfriend pulls me to rest against his knees. Madison places herself between Jules's legs, her head against his stomach as his arms drap over her and they fit so naturally together, yet again, I wonder if they were made specifically for one another.

"So is Nick any good?" Harris asks. Everyone looks at me expectantly and I blush. They've had about four games so far, but this is the first home one. Madison has gone to two of them with me, so she knows how he plays, but Jules has always been working and Shane was never available. Now though we're all together and Jules asked if he could have Tuesdays off so he could go to the games and this is the first time they'll see the team together.

Actually, we have a great team. There's five seniors on the team, and three of them start. The other two are a junior who is the tallest boy on the team, and a freshman that is amazing. It's ridiculous how good he is, believe me.

Granted, Nick is by far the best player on the team. Even better than that starting freshman. Like I said when Nick took an interest in basketball, my dad loved it. He went to camps and summer leagues and had private lessons and now, Nick was just a natural. They did the same thing with my singing; I used to see a voice coach twice a week, but after last December that all turned to dust.

Which reminds me, this Sunday is the one year anniversary of the day I got attacked. The day my life changed completely. I try not to think about it, though it's obvious lately that my whole family knows. It's not that things are different, but Dad's been giving me a lot of hugs and mom has been offering to make my lunches and she even cleaned by room while I was at school today. Nick has been quiet, but yesterday I was in the gameroom watching a movie when he sat beside me and put an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side. Usually it's me that iniates our weird brother-snuggle time.

Another thing about Nick is that I'm pretty sure he's hiding something from me. At first I thought maybe it was Harris, but this last Saturday he left early in the morning and didn't get home until about three. When I asked Shane he said he had no clue where he was or what he was doing, and when he got home he seemed to be thinking really hard about something. He wouldn't tell me though and then he started acting concerned because in a week it's a year from the day I was attacked and I honestly don't know how to feel.

I'm not sad. I'm not upset. I'm not angry. I'm not wanting to relapse and cut myself again. I don't know; it's too complicated for me to think about. It makes my head hurt because I don't know how I'm supposed to act, and I want to talk to Shane about it, but he is leaving for a family Christmas Saturday and will be gone until the next Tuesday so I don't know what to say. He's having a 'guys night' with Jules and Nick on Friday before he leaves so I don't have any way to tell him.

I'm not sure he'd understand even if I could explain it.

"Noah?" Shane says, his hands moving to my shoulders and squeezing, reminding me that Harris asked a question I forgot to answer. I feel bad now.

I glance at her to see a sad sort of smile on her lips and a pink in her cheeks. I hope I didn't make her feel bad, I just got lost in my thoughts. There's so much stuff going on around me I can barely comprehend simply words. It's a problem.

"Sorry," I blush, straightening myself out but still leaning agaist Shane. "I zoned out. Uh, yeah, he's really good, I think you'll be impr-"

"Ladies and gentleman," a man yells into a microphone down at the court and suddenly, every person in the 'Corner of Chaos' is standing up and cheering. Shane drags me with him, one of his arms drapping over my shoulders as he stands on the bench beside me, screaming with everyone else. I didn't realize he had so much school spirit. While it's slightly annoying, it's pretty endearing and I smile at the him, resting my head on his shoulder.

The annoucer lists the names of the other team's starters and then when we he says ours, everyone is crazy. Nick is last to be announced as he has the highest number of the starters, being twenty-three. He's grinning and even in the roar of the crowd, I'm pretty sure I can hear my dad. Nick is down on that court fist-bumping the refs and shaking hands with the opposing coach before chest bumping the freshman who starts, people laughing.

"Sometimes I wonder why he hangs out with us," Jules says, surprising me as I hadn't realized he squeezed between Madison and I. He smiles at the look I give him.

"Yeah he does seem like he'd hang out with all the jocks or something," Shane says, shrugging his shoulders. "Then again, you played Cross-Country and made it to state, so-"

"Different," Jules rolls his eyes.

"Also," Harris says loudly, leaning over Madison and smirking. I'm surprising she's already so comfortable with us, but then again she seems like the type who gets along with everyone and fits in with everyone. "Shane is dating his little brother so..."

That makes me blush and I demand everyone stop stalking. I look to the court and see they're about to jump for the ball, but everyone remains standing. I wonder if this means we'll stand the whole game. I guess I don't mind much. Shane's arm is around my shoulders.

I do a quick sweep of the crowd when I see them, at the very top. They're both in uniforms, and I know they're scouts. But it makes me wonder who they're here to see; has Nick been talking to scouts?

Shane kisses my cheek and tells me to cheer with them, so I blush and divert my gaze back to the court and do a fake little cheer, fist pumping the air, which causes Jules to laugh obnoxiously.

I can't believe this is what I achieved by leaving the city. I think it might have been the best decision I've ever made.