Status: Active
You End, I Begin
I could never keep you from bending the rules
2012
It was the worst at night. When the sun went down and the lights went out, that’s when I was left alone with my thoughts and memories of my dad. My breathing would get deep as I tried not to let the tears fall down my cheeks onto my pillow. At night my defences are down, it’s the time that I allow myself to think about anything. Whether it was my dad teaching me and my brother how to ride our bikes, family trips to the lake in this summer or watching my parents get dressed up for a night out with the three of us.
I’d been home a week and spent my days looking after my mom, who barely moved from the couch while my nights were spent in the room I grew up in, sleeping in the same bed I did when I was a teenager. My older brother had come for a few days with his wife and daughter but had to return to New York to his job. My younger brother had distanced himself from the rest of us. I guessed it was just his way of coping but I just wanted to help him.
It was at night that I’d hear my mom sobbing continuously, while James would become what I could only describe as a zombie.
It was around 10pm and the evening chill was beginning to get to me. I pulled my cardigan from my closet, the same one I’d worn when I’d arrived back in Phoenix. As I pulled it on, I put my hands in the pockets and found a folded piece of paper there. As I unfolded it, I immediately recognised the handwriting. ‘Dear Abby, I’m here if you need me, I mean it. Joel’ it read, with a number scribbled at the bottom. I had no idea how or when he’d put it there, but I was glad to find it at that moment. I grabbed my iPhone and laid down on the bed. Opening a new message, I stared at the blank screen for a while, trying to find the right words but I had a feeling there would never be the right words. In the end, I just went with what was easy.
To: Joel
Hi. It’s Abby. It was good to see you the other day.
Almost immediately, I received a reply and smiled when I saw it.
From: Joel
Hi, it was good to see you too. Glad you found my note, I was worried it might have gotten lost. Hope everything’s going OK at home after your loss. I’m praying for you and your family.
To: Joel
Thank you. That means a lot. I’m just so lost at the moment. I don’t know what to do. My dad was always the main man in my life and now he’s just gone forever. How is that fair?
From: Joel
I don’t know. I wish I could give you an explanation for why this happened but I can’t. Your dad was a great man. I wish I could be at home for you and your family right now. Being away sucks. Is there anything I can do for you?
To: Joel
Just help me take my mind of it temporarily. Where are you? And why are you wherever you are?
From: Joel
I can do that. I’m in Texas right now. My band is currently on tour of the states. In fact, we just finished tonight’s show before you started texting me.
To: Joel
You’re still doing the band thing? That’s awesome. I’m proud of you. How was the show?
We continued texting back and forth for a while. In fact, we sent so many messages that I completely lost track of time and hours had passed without me even realizing. Something about Joel was comforting and it felt so normal to be talking to him again, even though we hadn’t spoken in so long.
I woke up to the sun shining through my windows. I was still fully dressed curled up on top of the bed covers. Noticing my phone laying next to me, I picked it up and saw that I’d been texting Joel well into the early hours. I’d even fallen asleep before replying to his text, which he must have realised as there was a bit of a time gap between that and another message he’d sent, which bought tears to my eyes as I read it.
From: Joel
I’m guessing you’ve fallen asleep. Abby, I just want you to know that everything will be OK. Maybe not right now, maybe not in the next few days, weeks or months, but it will be OK. You’ll get through this a stronger person and you deserve to be happy. I will love you how ever, when ever and what ever. I mean it.
It had been years since me and Joel had spoken and now it felt like nothing ad changed and those years had never happened. Joel was a special guy and I couldn’t believe I ever let him slip out of my life. Now, in amongst the memories of my dad that were filling up my mind, memories of Joel were also occupying my thoughts. He was back in my life for a reason, whether I liked it or not.
It was the worst at night. When the sun went down and the lights went out, that’s when I was left alone with my thoughts and memories of my dad. My breathing would get deep as I tried not to let the tears fall down my cheeks onto my pillow. At night my defences are down, it’s the time that I allow myself to think about anything. Whether it was my dad teaching me and my brother how to ride our bikes, family trips to the lake in this summer or watching my parents get dressed up for a night out with the three of us.
I’d been home a week and spent my days looking after my mom, who barely moved from the couch while my nights were spent in the room I grew up in, sleeping in the same bed I did when I was a teenager. My older brother had come for a few days with his wife and daughter but had to return to New York to his job. My younger brother had distanced himself from the rest of us. I guessed it was just his way of coping but I just wanted to help him.
It was at night that I’d hear my mom sobbing continuously, while James would become what I could only describe as a zombie.
It was around 10pm and the evening chill was beginning to get to me. I pulled my cardigan from my closet, the same one I’d worn when I’d arrived back in Phoenix. As I pulled it on, I put my hands in the pockets and found a folded piece of paper there. As I unfolded it, I immediately recognised the handwriting. ‘Dear Abby, I’m here if you need me, I mean it. Joel’ it read, with a number scribbled at the bottom. I had no idea how or when he’d put it there, but I was glad to find it at that moment. I grabbed my iPhone and laid down on the bed. Opening a new message, I stared at the blank screen for a while, trying to find the right words but I had a feeling there would never be the right words. In the end, I just went with what was easy.
To: Joel
Hi. It’s Abby. It was good to see you the other day.
Almost immediately, I received a reply and smiled when I saw it.
From: Joel
Hi, it was good to see you too. Glad you found my note, I was worried it might have gotten lost. Hope everything’s going OK at home after your loss. I’m praying for you and your family.
To: Joel
Thank you. That means a lot. I’m just so lost at the moment. I don’t know what to do. My dad was always the main man in my life and now he’s just gone forever. How is that fair?
From: Joel
I don’t know. I wish I could give you an explanation for why this happened but I can’t. Your dad was a great man. I wish I could be at home for you and your family right now. Being away sucks. Is there anything I can do for you?
To: Joel
Just help me take my mind of it temporarily. Where are you? And why are you wherever you are?
From: Joel
I can do that. I’m in Texas right now. My band is currently on tour of the states. In fact, we just finished tonight’s show before you started texting me.
To: Joel
You’re still doing the band thing? That’s awesome. I’m proud of you. How was the show?
We continued texting back and forth for a while. In fact, we sent so many messages that I completely lost track of time and hours had passed without me even realizing. Something about Joel was comforting and it felt so normal to be talking to him again, even though we hadn’t spoken in so long.
I woke up to the sun shining through my windows. I was still fully dressed curled up on top of the bed covers. Noticing my phone laying next to me, I picked it up and saw that I’d been texting Joel well into the early hours. I’d even fallen asleep before replying to his text, which he must have realised as there was a bit of a time gap between that and another message he’d sent, which bought tears to my eyes as I read it.
From: Joel
I’m guessing you’ve fallen asleep. Abby, I just want you to know that everything will be OK. Maybe not right now, maybe not in the next few days, weeks or months, but it will be OK. You’ll get through this a stronger person and you deserve to be happy. I will love you how ever, when ever and what ever. I mean it.
It had been years since me and Joel had spoken and now it felt like nothing ad changed and those years had never happened. Joel was a special guy and I couldn’t believe I ever let him slip out of my life. Now, in amongst the memories of my dad that were filling up my mind, memories of Joel were also occupying my thoughts. He was back in my life for a reason, whether I liked it or not.
♠ ♠ ♠
OutfitSorry it's been so long since the last chapter. I've been all over the place for most of September and I've been so busy, but I managed to write this chapter, albeit slightly short. Hope you enjoy it, apologies if it's a nonsensical, I wrote it late at night and didn't really have time to check it, just wanted to get something up for you guys. Next chapter is already written (wrote that a while back) so will post it in a few days time! :)