A Step to Love

So many questions. So many questions. I didn’t understand.

“Baby, are you okay?” It was Brit. I didn’t reply. I was in the sofa, still in my dress, cuddled under my purple and green quilt. “I ask because the first thing you did when you got home into the living room, was yell and you told everyone to ‘get the fuck out of your room’.”

I went back to the event. I must’ve looked like a demented person.

I felt like someone sat next to me. I shifted a little, so she could have some space. In reality I was wishing she would just go away, but I knew she was showing that she cared and I appreciated it.

I felt her caress my head as I heard her sigh. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.” She knew I wanted to talk about it. Though I didn’t want to say to her, I did, but just not with her. I was afraid. Afraid I might break down as I did, and of course I could. Brody…he… I sighed. Brit didn’t deserve me bawling at her when she was so strong because of the things she went through herself.

Not to frighten her, I slowly shifted my head and pushed myself with my hands in order to get up. The first thing my ears caught was the distant sound of the rain. And the first thing my eyes caught was my drained reflection from the television and that it was already dark outside.

“Sweetie,” Brit whispered and hugged me.

My head turned to Alex who was sitting in the stairs, looking like he was waiting for me.

He got up when I sat completely and stretched down the end of my dress, making sure I wasn’t revealing anything.

Alex stood in front of me, and I walked out, feeling him walk behind.

“Where are you going? It’s pouring rain outside.”

I didn’t care. I went beneath the cold and heavy rain and kept on walking toward the big and old oak tree. Apparently he didn’t care either. He followed me under the rain. When I reached the oak, making sure nobody was able to hear us, I turned.

“He was with her while being with me. Before he was with me. They’ve been together this whole freaking time! And—” I paused to sob. Alex seemed to wait until I calmed down a little and walked toward me, hugging me in the process.

“Jenny?” he asked. I nodded.

His lips reached my head and kissed it. I wondered what he was doing—what I was doing. But his beautiful frame and his minty smell didn’t let me ask. I looked up, his blue eyes capturing my brown gaze.

It got closer and I stepped away.

“No!” I whimpered.

“Why not?” He looked hurt. His arms went down from my shoulders.

I sniffled. “Beco I nuhim.”

“What?”

“Because I love him!” I yelled and turned my back to him. I felt like a worthless, little girl under this rain who didn’t get what she wanted. That thought only made me cry more.

I heard him groan from behind me. “Lilly, he fucking cheated on you. I freaking told you he was bad news.”

And then something hit me. I turned. “You knew,” I whispered, and then pointed to him. “You knew! You knew they were together. Why didn’t y—”

“Don’t be stupid,” he cut me off. “I didn’t.”

I looked around, trying to avoid his eyes. They only made me come toward him, feeling so shitty in this vulnerable state. “Then why did you tell me Brody was bad news, then? I know it wasn’t because you liked me.”

He scoffed. “Of course not.”

I waited. “Then?”

“I can’t.”

“Tell me!” I demanded, getting angrier by the second. “What the fuck is going on?!” I left my hands fall to my hips.

He sighed. “Calm do—”

“Tell me! Why is Brody dangerous? Why did you say that?”

“He’s a drug dealer.”

I heard him. “What?” It always happened whenever I couldn’t believe something.

Brody?

He groaned. “Brody is a drug dealer.”

“I don’t believe you.” I shook my head. Of course I didn’t want to believe him.

He shrugged. “That’s not my problem. I know I would lie to you, but I’m not.”

And he would.

I exhaled, laughing a laugh that held no humor.

Everything that I knew about Brody…was a lie, then? Or maybe I just didn’t know Brody as much as I thought I did. He didn’t love me, let alone like me. He had been seriously involved for God knows how long, with Alex’s off-and-on girlfriend.

And now he does and sells drugs and whatnot.

“This is too much for one night, I’m going to bed.” As I tried to turn to get inside the house, I stopped myself to sob. “Why do you know all of this?” I whispered. “I’m so confused. I’m so hurt. I want to die.”

“Lilly, stop exaggerating; he’s just a guy.”

I scoffed. “For me he wasn’t. I love him.”

“You’ll get over it.”

I shook my head. Alex walked toward me. He took my head and moved it up and then down several times. “Yes,” he whispered. I let the tears run down, and just when I thought he was done, he pressed his lips against mine.

Oh, the sweet taste of him. He was amazing, he w—no, I couldn’t do this. I parted, pushing his head softly. I wanted to say how I felt some more, but something else caught my attention.

It was Brody. He was there.

Either that or I was beginning to hallucinate.

“I came to say ‘sorry’, but I guess you have already moved on,” he said.

I whimpered and turned my sight away from him. “Go away,” I whispered.

I felt him come close and a hand reached for my wet orange hair. I turned to his face which only made my eyes burn. “You didn’t do anything.” He paused to look at Alex. “That I know of,” he finished.

“We kissed,” Alex blurted and I didn’t bother to widen my eyes. It was pointless.

“I saw,” Brody commented, glaring.

Alex laughed. “No, I meant before that, but I guess you don’t really mind since you were too busy screwing my girlfriend.”

“She wasn’t your girlfriend when we started,” he pointed out. And, no, but the first day we kissed... The first day Alex’s lips touched mine was exactly the day he asked us to be together. The jackass didn’t even deny his actions in front of me.

“That still didn’t stop you from breaking Annie’s heart.”

Annie… He never bothered to call me “Annie”. Only my closet family and friends used that nickname.

Now it was time for Brody to scoff. He turned to me and took my cheek to cup it with one of his hands. I bet he hadn’t even washed them. “Lilly.”

It took me a while to respond. It took me even some time to realize that only a few hours ago, I thought Brody was the most amazing thing that had happened to me in the world, considering all of my previous circumstances. The same guy stood in front of; the only feeling in front, being hatred and anger.

“You’re a drug dealer?” I was asking him not above a whisper.

He looked surprised by my question. He responded like he was being accused of a crime, “no. Where did you hear that?”

“Drop the act, I already know.”

“Where did you hear that?” he repeated.

I slapped his hand away. “It doesn’t matter. I just want to know why you didn’t have the balls to tell me before.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh, please,” Alex groaned.

Brody’s jaw tightened. “Shut up, faggot.”

“Leave him alone.” I paused, staring coldly. “I think we’re done here.” I turned walking toward the door, but he stopped me by taking my hand.

“Lil—”

“Get out!”

“I love you, I really do.”

My lips pursed. “Then why?”

He didn’t reply.

“Just go and shove your penis elsewhere.”

“Ok, that’s just really mean.”

“What’s mean is that…” My mind flinched on to something. It was in a balance, trying to know whether to accept or reject the possibly. But with all that had just happened…

“Maybe we should leave this place.” I stated as soon as I saw one of the guys turn his head to us. He was followed by the rest of the group and suddenly, I felt fear attack me once again. I looked at him in disbelief.

I couldn’t see their faces. They were covered by the shadow that the hoodies provided them. I pulled Brody towards the car, closing the gate behind me and ignoring Brody’s complaints.

“How the hell do you know? They look so fucking creepy!”

His smile faded and his hand went to start the ignition. “I just know…”

I shook my head.

“And there you have it. Make sure to lock up your house at night and to call the police if you notice anything weird going around where you live.”

I looked to Nana that was almost finishing with her purple masterpiece. “Why should we lock our house? What happened?”

“Oh, they found several bodies near the Ritz Theater. The people were shot in various places and obviously died as a result.”

“Do you…know…the people we saw at the park?” I didn’t notice the words had gotten out of my mouth.

I gasped as he didn’t reply a single word. The rain blocked my view from seeing any reaction upon his face. But the fear kicked in and I ran a hand through my hair, not been able to believe…

“You killed Sasha.”