A Step to Love

Down by my previous disappointment, I felt unaccomplished. I was not able to tie the knot between my mother and I, which only led to more crying and more sobbing down my quilt where I thought nobody could see. Then right after that, I spent several days moping around, specially tired from the hard work and final preparations for the Grand Recital.

Jay had me up and running, practicing all the way for this. I had to thank that I was only doing one number. I chose that instead of ballet. I didn’t look forward to working with The Grinch with all of the stress.

A moment later, Alex sat next to me on the sofa. Ever since I had admitted my feelings to him, he had been extra nice toward me. He constantly made sure I was okay, hugged me every once in a while… He was so corny, it made me smile.

I looked at his left hand as it held a small cupcake with pink frosting on the top. He placed his hand over mine, handing me the cupcake.

“I thought you needed some cheering up.” I folded my legs under myself and shifted to give him space in the loveseat. Why did they call it a loveseat, anyway? Just because two people were sitting on the space the sofa provided, did not mean they were instantly in love.

I let my index finger out and took some frosting out of the small cake slowly. Then I reached Alex’s face and spread some over his left cheek. “Where are you going with this?” I whispered, seeing him smile a little.

“You know where I’m heading.”

I let some air out, pushing some pieces of hair that fell into my face. “Not yet, Alex.” His lips curved down. I tried to explain the obvious. “The impact from Brody was a bit harsh on me. I don’t need any more drama.”

“Drama?”

“Yes,” I kept on whispering. “Every time there’s something else and I bet there always will be.” I paused, stretching the cupcake towards him. “I suggest you take your cupcake to a nice girl, and—”

“I am giving it to a nice girl now.”

The idea of Alex and I being together, it seemed exciting in some way. I wanted the experience…, but…even if I was over Brody… “You’re going to college in a month.” I took Alex’s hands with one hand and placed the cupcake on them with the other hand.

“It can still work out.” I met my eyes with his, ready to hear what plan he had in mind. “I can do what Jake’s doing. You know the whole studying-and-living-at-home thing.”

“Where are you going?”

“Cooper.”

I played with my lips a little. “Do they let you do that in there?”

“I don’t know...” Of course it wasn’t going to work.

Then something occurred to me. Of all the years I had known Alex, I had never bothered to ask him what he wanted to study. This surprised me too much. Alex? “Wait, you’re going to study to be a doctor? Since when are you a smart-ass?”

He laughed. “Lilly, it’s been my dream since I was ten. It was around when my mother got really sick.”

Pat? “Why? What did she have?”

“Cancer.”

I gasped, moving my head towards the sofa. “Pat’s a cancer survivor?”

He nodded. “I thought she would tell you.” I shook my head. Wow.

“Well, that’s quite a long career.” I tried changing the subject. I didn’t think Alex would appreciate being reminded of that time, imagining it was a tough one. “You know…I also wanted to be a doctor once.”

I felt some parts of my hair hit my pale face again. Alex just took them away with his fingers. “Really? What happened?”

I nodded. “Mhm; I wanted to be a veterinarian, but then I had this puppy and he died.”

Alex chuckled, showing his brilliant set of teeth. I never noticed how handsome his smile actually was…

“And now…?” I snapped out my trance.

“I’m actually thinking of going for it.”

“Hm, guess the puppy-incident wasn’t so harsh on you.” I giggled. “Where are you planning on studying?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

I had no doubts about it. “I was thinking Cornell University.”

He looked saddened. “Oh, in New York?”

“Five hours away,” I said, replying to the question hidden between his lines. This just kept getting more awkward by the minute.

“That sucks,” he whispered right before he looking like he had just realized something. “We still have a year away, though.” Even if we began a relationship, I knew it wasn’t going to work, anyway. No relationships of mine lasted more than a year.

Though…it was Alex. Rough, weird, bipolar, disgusting, yet sweet, caring and still crazy Alex.

But…

“Alex, don’t.” He knew what I was thinking. I just simply wasn’t ready for a step forward.

“I really like you.”

I smirked. “I need time.”

“What more do you want?” I didn’t want to admit that he was right. About everything. We had a year. People get over relationships in less than a month, some only last a day. Brody had cheated on me. He lied to me. He said he loved me, but he didn’t.

But, yes, I still had to overanalyze things. We had a year, surely, but, what if the bond between us lasted more than the fair share? “Alexander, it only happened a week ago.” I didn't exactly cared about people thinking I was a slut. I knew I wasn't. Way far from it, actually.

“I met you before he did,” Alex pointed out. “I know I don’t have a good history, but we can at least try it out.”

“I—”

“Look, there are only a few days until the Grand Recital…” Where was he going with this?

“Thirteen,” I corrected him.

He glared a bit, but his wavy smile did not go unnoticed. “Yeah, so…” He exhaled a little. “In those two weeks, you think about ‘us’ and—”

“Are you trying to give me an ultimatum?”

“And you let me know your decision at the Grand Recital. If it’s a ‘yes’, we’ll try this out and if the answer it’s the opposite, I’ll just be on my way and leave you alone.”

“You’re only giving me thirteen days to think this through?” I needed more. I also needed to be sure of the time right after the decision. What if we lasted more? “All guys say that the last thing they want to do is hurt a girl’s feeling.” I ignored the over thinking for a minute. “Are you going to do the same?”

“I’m not making any promises,” he admitted.

“Okay, you’re telling me you might actually do something wrong.”

He knew it wasn’t meant to be question. “Lilly, nobody knows how a relationship might work.” He was right about that, too. Nobody knew, they just let it flow.

I sighed. “I just want you to assure me you’re not going to hurt me.”

“Like Brody did, no, but I can’t promise you I won’t make a mistake.”

“Mistake?”

He nodded. “Yeah, say the wrong things or do the wrongs things at the wrong time.” He tried to explain using his hands. I bet I looked confused enough as it was, which could’ve been the reason why he suppressed a frustrated sigh. “I’m only saying that I know you’re very sensitive and emotional, and let’s be honest here, you snap very easily.”

“No, I—”

“Yes, you do.” He paused. “Just let me know at The Recital.”

I wasn’t sure, but nevertheless, I nodded.