Promises

December, 29 weeks, Third trimester

My life wasn't supposed to be this messed up. I wasn't supposed to be this messed up. I didn't understand why it had to be me going through all of this; why I had to suffer. Pregnancy was supposed to be filled with joy, love, and every other good feeling. Mine wasn't. I had demons inside of me.

"Hey Scar, do you want to watch a film with us?" Harry questioned. I shook my head. "No, I'm not feeling well," I mumbled.

He sighed, and a second later the bed dipped. "Scar, you gotta get up," he spoke softly. "You can't stay in bed all day every day. It isn't good for Adelaide."

I knew it wasn't. I knew it wasn't good for her. Believe me, I knew. But I couldn't help it. I couldn't do anything to stop from being this way. I was reverting back into myself. I was becoming a homebody. A recluse.

"Don't you think I know that?" I asked, rolling over. My 29 week belly made it hard for me to roll over. Harry tried to hide his smile, but I saw it. And that made me a little mad. "I don't know what to do, okay! I'm only twenty and I've never been a mum before. I'm gonna be all alone when you lot go on tour. What if I can't do it? I won't be able to do it, Harry! I'm scared."

He sighed, then scooted closer to me, pulling me into his side. "I would say I know what you mean, but I don't. I wish I did so I could help you feel better and make everything okay, but I can't. And I don't like that. I hate it," he spoke. That almost made me start bawling. Tears did however cloud my vision.

"Adelaide will be here before you know it and this will be over. You won't be alone; you'll have Vi and Rose, and Louis's mum is just a phone call away. So is your mum and stepdad." I nodded. "You won't be alone, Scar. We'll always be here for you. We love you."

I sniffed, closing my eyes making a few tears leak out. "But what if I'm not a good mum? I'm afraid I won't have that mother's instinct that everyone talks about."

He gripped me tighter. "You'll be the absolutely most amazing mum on this planet. My goddaughter will be the envy of every little tot around these parts." I chuckled. That was Harry for you. He could put a smile on anyone's face. It was one of his best qualities.

"Thanks Haz," I whispered. "Thanks for being here and dealing with my hormonal arse."

"Don't mention it." He grinned. "I do it because I love ya."

"Love you too, Haz."


Christmas was in the air. Snow was blanketing the whole town. It was beautiful. But not as beautiful as Paris in the winter. Our tree was standing in front of our big windows that faced the street, all lit up and decorated. Presents were scattered under the tree all wrapped and ready to be torn open. You could tell what presents I wrapped and what presents Louis wrapped. Mine were to a ten and wrapped in white paper with gold snowflakes on it and red ribbons around them. Louis's were wrapped in cartoon character paper and Superman paper.

Now that Louis was twenty one, he hasn't changed a bit. He was still the crazy, loud, outgoing guy I loved with all my heart. This year he insisted on having stockings for everyone, so there were nine stockings hanging from our fireplace. Eight red and green ones and one pink one. Any guesses as to who the pink ones for?

I still felt horrible, but I put on an act for everyone. I hated that I had to do that, but if it was the only way to make them happy then so be it. And it was Christmas; my favorite holiday. So that helped a little with my mood.

"Happy Christmas!" Harry shouted as soon as the lift doors opened. I grinned as he tried to step over the huge mound of presents he was standing in the middle of. "A little help here?"

"Louis, your idiot friend needs some help," I hollered. As Louis bounded around the corner to help his idiot friend, the intercom sounded. "Is there any reason your lift isn't working? Did Harold try to play a joke and turn it off again?"

Zayn and Rossy were here. I hit the button to respond. "He brought a hundred and one presents so just give them a few minutes and I'll turn it back on. Happy Christmas by the way."

Once Louis and Harry got the presents under the tree, I turned the lift back on. A few second later the doors opened and out stepped Rossy, Zayn, Vi, Liam, and Niall. Violet had on these outrageous patterned heels while Rossy went for a cream dress with gold accessories. They both looked very Christmas-y.

"Happy Christmas, Baby Mama!" Zayn greeted, kissing my cheek. I grinned, kissing his cheek. "Happy Christmas, Z," I greeted.

"Just a heads up," Rossy started. "We all went a little overboard for Adelaide."

"Didn't have a doubt you wouldn't."


"Jingle bells, Jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun, 
It is to ride, 
In a one-horse open sleigh
Hey!"

Niall was drunkenly singing Jingle Bells at the top of his lungs. I'm surprised the people in the flat below us hadn't called the manager of the building to file a noise complaint. But then again, they were older and couldn't hear without their hearing aids, and they went to bed at nine every night. They were sweet people. I met them when Seeley and I first moved in. They brought us up a plate full of freshly baked cookies.

"Mate, you need to tone it down," Liam spoke. He tried taking the cup of egg nog from him, but he gulped the rest of it down. "Back off Liam," Niall hiccupped.

"Dashing through the snow
On a one-horse open sleigh, 
Over the fields we go, 
Laughing all the way
Ha ha ha!"

Vi and Rossy were sat with their opened presents in front of them and taking pictures. Zayn was watching them and Harry was chomping on an apple fritter I had made with a Santa hat sitting on his head. Louis cleared his throat loudly making everyone stop what they were doing and look at him. He had an envelop in his hands that had my name on it in his messy scrawl.

"This is my last gift for Scar, I promise." He chuckled as he handed me the envelope. Shaking my head, I opened it and inside was one of those cheesy Christmas cards that a million and one people bought during the holiday season. As I opened it a picture fell out in my lap. Well, more so my baby bump then my lap. But you know what I mean. It was a picture of a house. "What's this, Lou?" I questioned, holding the picture up.

He grinned. "Read the back of the picture." So I read the back of the picture. Hampstead, North London. Bought 12-20-2012. Mine and Scarlett's first house.

My jaw dropped. "You bought us a house?"

He nodded. Harry grinned, opening his big mouth. "He bought the one right beside my new house! We're gonna be neighbors, Scar!"

"Well what if I don't wanna be neighbors with you?" I asked with my most serious face. He gasped and held his hands to his chest. "Well I never!" He shouted.

I chuckled. "You know I love ya, Haz." I stood up with help from Louis and as soon as I was safely on my feet, I hugged him. "Thanks Tommo," I whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too," he whispered back.


Everyone has those days where they just want to stay in bed and never get up. Not even to eat. They just want to lay in bed and not watch the telly. That's how I was today. Or for the past two weeks actually. Christmas and Louis's birthday had passed and that left me with a few weeks until we moved into our new house and I was due to give birth.

Don't get me wrong, I loved her, but this pregnancy sucked. I wanted her out of me. I wanted to be myself again. But I also wanted to be able to hold her and love her and care for her. She was my daughter, she was my everything. This stuff I had going on -my demons, whatever you wanted to call it- were wearing me down. They were breaking me.

"I wish you would come out already," I murmured, holding my bulging belly. "I'm sick of fighting these demons."