Say Anything

I woke up Monday morning to the sound of pounding rain outside of my window. I quickly got up and ran my fingers through my hair. Of course, stupid little me forgot the fact that my dad would notice it and question what I had been up to this weekend. But he hadn’t come home yesterday, so I’m still trying to think of a good explanation as to why I have new clothes and lighter hair. But I guess the rain is doing me a favor today. I get to wear a hood to disguise my it.

I quickly got dressed into a small green sweatshirt and tight dark blue jeans. I slipped on some black boots that Avery told me if I didn’t wear, she’d kill me. I then brushed my straight hair and looked into the mirror. I’m not much of a makeup fan, but I decided this morning I’d try it out. Just as I was about to pick up my mascara, there was a loud knock on my door. I quickly pulled the hood over my head, tucked my hair back, and opened the door.

“Hi Dad.” I said quietly. “How was your weekend with Barbara?”

“Good.” He replied. “Where did you get the clothing you are wearing?”

God I’m so stupid.

“Um, I... I thought I needed some new clothes, and so I decided to go down to the mall the other day and get some.” I replied. Might as well tell him about my hair too, he’s going to realize it sooner or later. “I got my hair done too.” I added and slowly tugged off my hood. I closed my eyes, waiting for him to get livid, but he just became silent.

“Alright.” He remarked. “Looks nice.”

And with that he walked out of the door.

What.the.hell? When did he decide to be all jolly olly all of a sudden? It must be Barbara. Remind me to thank her later if I ever meet her.

I quickly shook my head in disbelief and turned back to my mirror to put on my makeup. Once I was finished, I grabbed the letter I wrote MM and took it out of its gray envelope to read over:

MM,

You sending me those envelopes and papers was probably the sweetest thing someone’s ever done for me. Ha, yeah I know, I don’t get out much. But that was really nice of you. And I think it’s impossible that you could look forward to my letters more than I do yours. I’m being dead serious too. It seems lately that they’re really the only thing I look forward to. Your letters calm me down I guess. I get major anxiety, and I, well do things to stop it, but lately I haven’t just because these letters have replaced the need to do them.

You’re probably confused, but I guess what I’m trying to say is, thanks.

And yeah I agree with you on the whole Alex and Derek thing. Alex is just a pig and I can’t stand him. I think my new goal in life is to just stay as far away from him as possible. And I just blatantly don’t understand why Derek is still trying to talk to me.

Oh, just to let you know. This one girl, (I’m not sure if you know her), Avery Johnson, who I’m kind of friends with (I know, shocker huh? I have friends?!) kind of sort of gave me a makeover. And I’m really nervous about having people see me. I don’t want you to think differently of me, so if you hate it, tell me, and I’ll go back to the same old Baylin that I was before. I promise.

And I’d love to show you my paintings, if you ever do reveal yourself. Which I think you should do really soon, because I know you’ll have to show your face sooner or later. Maybe you already have and I just don’t realize it. Wouldn’t it suck if you were like right in front of my face and I had no idea?

Anyways, maybe you’re right. I should try becoming an artist. It’s worth a shot.

You’ve really changed my outlook on mostly everything MM, and I’m truly grateful for it.

-Baylin

I put the letter back into the envelope, sighed, and walked out of my bedroom door.

-x-

I walked up the steps at school while looking down at my boots. I was stoked that it had stopped raining, and it was supposed to be just cloudy the rest of the day, but I was not so stoked that I was getting stares from most of the people surrounding me. I didn’t like having this attention on me all at once. I swear I was going to go insane if one more person glanced over at me. I began to breath heavily as I heard a girl whisper something about my hair.

Do they think its lame?

Do they think that I’m trying to conform?

I’m really not, I was basically forced into it.

And what the hell am I even thinking? I don’t even care about what these people think. But still, I couldn’t shake this horrid feeling at the pit of my stomach.

My eyesight began to get blurry and I felt really dizzy as I walked to my locker. I finally rested my head against it and closed my eyes.

I can’t take it anymore.

I quickly reached into my backpack and took out my Vicodin and grabbed just one and swallowed it.

So much for thinking MM could be my anti-drug...

But this really should calm me down and not think of all these people's eyes on me.

I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath, slightly slumped against my locker.

“Woah, Baylin are you okay?” I heard someone say in front of me. I just groaned and slowly opened my eyes and once Ryan’s face was revealed, I closed them again. He put his hand on my shoulder and I opened my eyes again. “Are you okay?” He repeated.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” I replied, and suddenly felt a rush inside of me which calmed me down. I looked up at the area between his eyes and smiled.

“Okay...” He said unconvincingly and dropped his hand. “You look great.” He added. I smiled and then scrunched my nose.

“I don’t look stupid?” I asked.

“No, you look very pretty.” He stated and I blushed a little. Just then the bell rang and Ryan placed his hand on my shoulder once again. “I’ll see you later?” He asked.

“Sure.” I replied and smiled. He grinned and walked away, while I took a deep breath and was just about to rush to the nurse’s office to put in MM’s letter when someone cleared their throat. I turned to the side and saw Derek standing there with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Yes?” I asked. He just stood there and eyed me like he did at the mall. “Derek it’s just hair and clothes. Not a big deal.” I muttered, closed my locker and started heading towards the nurse’s building.

“Who were you talking to before?” He asked while following me.

“Is someone trying to be a protective older brother?” I asked while turning around a corner.

“No, I just want to know who he is.” He replied defensively. “And where are you going?” He asked.

“None of your business.” I remarked quietly.

“You’re being really difficult.” He retorted and adjusted his dark blue jacket.

“And you’re being really lame.”

“Good one, Baylin.” He responded. “Hm, so, that Avery girl...” He began. I stopped walking and turned to him while he just grinned back in return.

“What, you want me to set you up with her?” I asked annoyingly.

“Did I say that?” He cooed.

“Stop playing this little game with me, Derek.” I said and sighed. I just didn’t like the idea of them together. I don’t know why, I just didn’t. When I see couples, I like to think that they fit together. That they couldn't even think of life before that one person came into it. That they balanced off of one another perfectly. And I know that Derek and Avery would never be that. They were just... not right for each other.

“I was just stating her existence that’s all.” Derek said and began to smirk at the sight of me frowning. “Aw is little Baylin jealous that I’m not focusing all my attention on her?” He asked and pinched my cheeks. I immediately swatted them away.

“You haven’t paid attention to me for the past 3 ½ years, why would I be upset about it now?” I asked. Derek just groaned and leaned against the wall of the hallway we were in.

“Why must you bring that up every two seconds?” He asked.

“Because it’s a big factor.” I replied and looked him in the eyes. How I can look into his eyes and no one else’s is beyond me. His face became extremely serious and he walked closer to me.

“I’m really sorry, Baylin. And there is so much I would love to tell you that relates to the reasoning of why I’ve been such an ass hole who doesn’t even deserve to be in your presence, but I just can’t.”

“What happened to the Derek that used to tell me everything, like when he got his first chest hair?” I asked and Derek grinned while adjusting his shoulder against the wall to face me.

“That Derek was in middle school.” He replied.

“Aw, no more chest hairs?” I asked.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” He replied. I just rolled my eyes while Derek became serious again. “Can you come over after school?” He asked. “Like old times?”

“I don’t kn-“

“Please?” He asked and gave me puppy dog eyes. “You won’t regret it.”

“Oh how I know that that statement isn’t true.” I replied. “Anyways, Alex told me to stay away from you, I can’t.” I blurted out.

“Fuck Alex, come on.” Derek begged while I just raised my eyebrows. He gave me another pleading look and I groaned.

“Why do I know that this is not going to turn out well?” I asked.

“Oh shut up you know it will. Plus a have a surprise for you.” He stated.

“What?”

“You honestly think I’m going to tell you? Psh.” He remarked and turned around to head over towards the hallway doors. “Don’t check out my ass while I walk away!” He yelled over his shoulder.

“You wish!” I replied. He just laughed and opened the doors to leave.

Great, now I have just almost forgiven a guy that shouldn’t be forgiven in the first place, AND I’m late for class.

Woo.