Put Me Back Together

Emma's POV

I walked out into the cold winter day. School just got let out for Thanksgiving break. I reached into my book bag and pulled out my gloves. I slipped my fingers into them, and let the fabric warm up my hands. I missed the heat. I hated the cold so much. As I was walking home I noticed a group of people messing around with each other and laughing.

My heart tightened up when I saw that. It made me think of them. The only people in the world that ever cared about me, and I fucked it up by leaving. They probably hate me now. It's better off this way. I told myself as I walked up the driveway.

Once I got into the house, I dropped my book bag on the floor, and went straight up into my room. I passed my Uncle in the hallway, but he didn't say anything to me. He knows how I am now. I haven't said a word since, I've been here. I don't even know what my voice sounds like anymore. Being like this makes me miss the guys so much.

Brian would tell me to get the fuck over it, and then kiss me. Kiss. Man, I missed him more than anyone. I told him I was in love with him, and left the next day. I feel like a fuck up, which I am one. Tears started to roll down my cheeks, and I wiped them furiously off with my hands.

I clenched my jaw as I walked over to my desk. I pulled out the razor blade I kept in there. I let out a jagged breath as I rolled up my sleeve and placed the blade to my skin. This was the only way I could get rid of the pain. Just as I was about swipe it across my wrist, "Emma! You have a visitor!"

The blade dropped out of my hand, and confusion filled through me. Who the hell would wanna see me?. I put the blade back into the drawer, and rolled my sleeve back down. I walked down the stairs and almost fainted when I saw who my visitor was.

I couldn't move, I was completely frozen.

"Are you just going to stand there, or am I going to get a hug?" A goofy grin formed onto his lips. My legs finally moved and I wrapped my arms around his long torso. He gave me one of his death hugs, and let go. "It's been too long Emmerz." I rolled my eyes at my 'nickname'.

"Yeah." Was I could get manage to get out. I didn't know what to say, I didn't even know if I wanted him to be here. I mean yeah, I love Jimmy to death, but I don't think I'll be able to handle it when he leaves.

He smiled, "So are you going to show me to your room?"

I nodded, "Yeah, follow me." I said while climbing up the stairs. Once we got into my room, I shut the door. I took a seat on my bed and crossed my legs. "How long are you here for?"

"Till tomorrow." Jimmy said while sitting on the floor.

There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, but I couldn't seem to get any words out.

Jimmy tapped his knee, "So.. How've you been?"

I shrugged, "Fine."

He nodded, but then jumped to his feet. "God dammit! I can't take it anymore. Emma, why did you leave? Why did you leave without even saying good-bye, and that note you left? What the fuck was that about?!" Jimmy exploded and I was trying to keep myself from busting out into tears. "I don't know." I said as a stray tear rolled down my cheek.

Jimmy saw and his mood changed instantly. "I'm sorry." He said while sitting next to me on the bed. "I just lost it for a second." I wiped my eyes, and looked up into his blue eyes. "How is everyone?"

He sighed, "Well Matt got a new girlfriend, her name is Valary. She's actually pretty nice, Matt isn't acting like a douche anymore. We have the band back, except Brian isn't in it. He refuses to associate himself with Matt. Zack is always complaining that he misses you, and Johnny is the same way. Brian won't say a word to anyone about you. If your name is mentioned in a conversation, he walks out. He barely even talks to anyone, anymore."

My heart clutched at hearing those words. "It's all my fault." Tears began to spur everywhere, and I needed to get rid of my pain. I needed that blade on my skin, but I couldn't do it with Jimmy here. He wrapped his long arms around me, "Shh, it's okay." It felt so good to have someone to comfort me, when I felt this way. It's been a long time since I felt like this.

"No, it's not. I fucked everything up." I said while sobbing on his shoulder.