I Won't Give Up

“Mommy, where are we going?” I questioned from the backseat of the minivan and swung my feet to the beat of the song playing on the radio. I was only eight years old and didn’t quite understand why I was being pulled away from my friends, the other little sisters of Eric’s teammates, before the game was even over.

“The hospital, sweetie,” my mom told me. I could tell that she was focusing really hard on her driving, but from the way her voice shook when she spoke let me know that she was trying not to cry. My voice would crack the same exact way when I would fight with my brothers, trying to hold it together so they wouldn’t win.

“Why? I was having fun with Ashley and Steph,” I replied. My younger brother Jared didn’t look too bothered that we were leaving the ice rink early. His eyes had been glued on his GameBoy for what seemed like forever. But I didn’t want to leave. Ashley, Steph, and I were running around under the bleachers to see if we could find money or stray pucks. Brandon, one of Eric’s assistant coaches, always felt the need to pick on all the little sisters constantly. But he always offered to give us all a dollar for every puck we found around the rink.

“Eric is hurt and needs us,” my mom stated and turned down the radio so she would have fewer distractions.

“What happened to him? How is he getting there?”

“Joella Lauren!” she practically yelled at me. “I will answer all your questions when we get there; just let me drive!” I kept quiet, afraid to make any noises, after that.

When we arrived to the hospital and one of the ladies at the desk told us where we could find Eric, I ran there as fast as I could. I sped right past Brandon – he must have been who brought Eric – who as standing outside the room waiting to talk to my mom. Eric didn’t look very hurt when I entered the room. He gave me a smile so I basically jumped on top of him to hug him.

“Be careful, Joey,” my mother told me when she walked in the room. I climbed off my oldest brother but refused to take even a couple of step away from him. He let out a sigh of relief when he no longer had all my weight on his chest and it instantly made me aware of how much he was physically hurting.

“It’s alright, mom. I’m fine,” Eric told her and ruffled my long, golden hair. He always knew how to mask his physical pain with the overwhelming happiness that always filled his heart.

“Let’s go home, Eric,” I told him and took hold of his arm, ready to walk out of the dreary hospital room. When he made no movement to stand up and follow me out, I look up at him with sadness in my eyes. “You told me we could go camping by the lake tonight. And catch lightning bugs!” I tried to sound excited but I don’t think it worked out too well because Eric looked upset as well when he started to reply.

“We still can, shortstack. I just need to stay here for a little while longer.” Tears started to form in my eyes. Not because we wouldn’t be having the fun night we had planned, but because it broke my heart to know Eric was injured and had to stay in this stupid hospital bed. “No no, Joey. Please don’t cry. How about this, can you go ask the nice nurses at the desk for some paper and crayons? We can draw pictures of all the fun things we are gonna do at our campout tonight.”

“Eric, honey, you need to be resting,” our mom told him but he looked at her and shook his head like resting was the last thing he wanted to be doing.

“I need to let my little sister know that I’m perfectly fine.”

Eric pushed me lightly in the direction of the door so I could go get supplies. I was a little hesitant for only a second or two, and then I realized that my brother had offered to color with me instead of me begging him to like usual. With a giggle and large grin, I ran from the room.

It wasn't until my mom, Eric, Jared, and I were getting ready that I learned how injured Eric really was. He took a check on the ice but it wasn’t really the check that had done the damage. Eric was only twelve years old and the guy who hit him was fourteen and twice his size. This guy lost his balance after the check and fell directly on top of Eric. He pulled his deltoid and broke his collar bone. Brandon told him he wasn’t allowed to play for two whole months.



After landing in Raleigh, not even an hour and a half after I had taken off, I hailed a cab and got it to take me to PNC Arena where the Hurricanes played. I sprinted into the building through the player entrance. No security guards tried to stop me because they all know me from hanging around the rink with Eric for almost ten years.

As I was storming through the downstairs hallway of the arena, I spotted Jeff Skinner. Boy was he a sight for sore eyes. I hadn’t visited Eric yet this season – it was only November – so I hadn’t seen Jeff since last April when the Hurricanes’ season ended without making it to the playoffs. I ran up behind the young, twenty-year-old and jumped on his back piggyback style.

“Joey?” he questioned when he turned his head to the side to get only a small glimpse of my face. With a ruffle of his short, brown, slightly curly hair, I jumped from his back so he could turn around and actually see me.

“The one and only,” I replied with a smile. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but I cut him off before he got the chance. “No time for small talk, Biebs.” During Jeff’s rookie year, a couple of his teammates gave him the nickname ‘Biebs’ as in Justin Bieber, making fun of the fact that Jeff looks much younger than he actually is – Bieber had the same problem. Jeff hated that I picked up the nickname for him too. “I’m looking for my brother.”

Jeff simply nodded and led me through a couple of doors and hallways until we reached one of the back rooms that were only used by the team’s trainer and doctor. I was going to chastise Jeff for assuming that I didn’t know my way around this building. I’ve be coming here since before he was even in high school. But I figured giving the boy an earful was a waste of time that I should be spending with my brother. I thanked Jeff and entered the room he told me Eric was in.

“Joey, what are you doing here?” Eric huffed. He sounded annoyed or angry to see me, but wide grin that consumed his entire face told me otherwise.

“Oh I don’t know. Watched the first seven minutes of this hockey game, decided it was complete crap and wanted to see the best big brother in the world,” I told him and he stuck his tongue out at me in a childish manner. I leaned against the doorframe before continuing. “How bad is it?”

Eric dipped his head down, not wanting to look at me. The tension in the room multiplied as the conversation changed from brother/sister joking to super serious. I stood there in silence, not wanting to press him for answers. I knew he was going to tell me as soon as he found his voice.

“Concussion.” He still hadn’t lifted his head when he spoke. I quietly walked over to the foot of the table he was stretched out on and sat down next to his bare feet, careful not to disturb him at all.

“You know when we were little and we would watch games together and whenever someone would take a rough hit, you would call out their injury and be right 99% of the time?” I questioned and he simply nodded, still not looking at me. “I couldn’t say it aloud, but I knew as soon as you got hit that was a concussion.”

He finally looked up at me and I could see a couple of tears forming in his eyes. This was new. I don’t think I have ever seen Eric cry. I was always right by my oldest brother’s side when he got injured; most of the time it’s me flying down the second I find out, but I’m still always there for him. I’ve heard broken bone, torn muscle, and dislocated shoulder or knee or something. But I’ve never heard concussion, not for Eric.

“I’m scared shitless, Joey,” he whispered barely loud enough for me to hear. There it was. Eric was scared. That’s what made this different than every other injury he has ever had. Bones heal, but we both know that once you have one concussion, you are more prone to get more. And with every concussion you get, the more likely it is for you brain to not be the same again. Despite how common concussions are in the NHL, they are serious as fuck and I was scared shitless too.

“Everything is gonna be alright, E,” I told him and moved further up the table so I could hug him and bury my face in his shoulder to hide the tears that were forming in my eyes too.

“I’m not so sure.”

“Damnit, Eric! Tell me you are perfectly fine. I’m Miss Gloom and Doom, remember? I’m the one that always thinks the sky is falling and you’re the one that always tells me things will be okay!”

“Joey—“

“No!” I exclaimed and aggressively got to my feet. Eric just looked at me with sadness in his eyes as I began to pace around the room, trying to calm myself down. “Have they told you that you can go home?” He nodded to let me know they had. “Then let’s get out of here; this room is just making both of us feel worse.”

*~*~*~*~*

“I’ve come to steal your children,” I announced as I entered my brother's house with him following only a couple of steps behind. Walking into the kitchen, I found my sister-in-law, Tanya, feeding my two nephews, Parker and Levi, dinner. She looked up at me and smiled brightly.

“Joey! It is so good to see you!” she exclaimed and skipped over to me, leaving her mommy duties, to give me a massive hug. I couldn’t help me smile in return and hug her back just as tightly. Tanya was for all intensive purposes my sister, the ‘in-law’ part didn’t really mean much to us. “Please tell me you’re staying for a couple of days. I need another girl in this house.”

“I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me,” I answered. It was the truth. Eric and Tanya’s house was basically my second home and I was always more than happy to be there as long as I was welcome.

“So you’re moving in?” Eric questioned with a smirk causing Tanya and I to laugh. I walked over to my nephews and smiles appeared on their face. Parker yelled my name and reached his arms out to me so I would pick him up. “What did I hear you say about taking my little men away?” Eric asked and walked over to where I was standing with Parker. He ruffled the young boy’s bright blonde hair causing him to screech and giggle. I could see Eric flinch at the noise. Of course the pounding headache he was bound to have for the next couple of days was going to feel worse when his children were loud.

“I’m going to take them to see Uncle Jared,” I stated instead of questioned like I had the right to take my favorite monsters away from their parents. “You wanna go see Uncle Jared, Park?” The three-year-old in my arms nodded excitedly.

“That’s three hours away,” Tanya commented and went back to feeding Levi.

“Yeah. I figured if I left now, we would get there around…” I paused to read the time off the microwave. 5:27 “Jared’s dinner time.” The three of us laugh at the reference of Jared’s bizarre eating schedule that he had for himself as long as I could remember.

“So you three are going to sleep there tonight, spend the day with Jared tomorrow and come back here tomorrow night?” Tanya asked. I was rather shocked that she didn’t shoot down my idea immediately. She had a tendency to be really overprotective of her sons, but I guess she really needed a break.

“We’re going to stay at Jared’s until this one’s head stops being on the verge on exploding,” I replied and pointed at Eric. I could see the worry in Tanya’s eye. I knew she had been avoiding asking about it for everyone’s sake, but the topic of her husband having a concussion was eating away at her. “Levi’s lungs of life are the last thing Eric needs right now,” I joked as an attempt to ease the tension.

“Is Jared okay with this?” Tanya asked?

“Probably. I was planning on surprising him.”

“What if he has a girl over?” Eric questioned. Typical Eric making the whole conversation awkward.

“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Hopefully I won’t have to.”

Less than twenty minutes later, bags were packed with a boatload of clothes, not really knowing how much of it we were going to need. Eric’s car was loaded with everything you could imagine in order to take care of Parker and Levi for the next couple of days. With quick goodbyes and well wishes, I hit the road with my two nephews.