What You Don't Know, Can't Hurt You

She walked into my apartment and I immediately went to the kitchen – I knew I was going to need a drink for this conversation. I remembered Brayden saying her name at one point last night but for the life of me I couldn’t think of it. So, I just shouted out a generic “Does anyone want a drink,” and discovered both her and Chelsea felt exactly the same way I did.

I got us all drinks and stood in the kitchen for a few extra minutes. I was dreading going into the living room because I had no idea how this was going to go. I had been in her position before – my last serious boyfriend had cheated on me and that was why I was so against relationships. I had been insanely angry and wanted to simply beat the bitch up but I would never have had the guts to actually show up at her house. That was what got me to go into the living room – I had to at least give the girl credit for having more balls than me.

It was awkward for a long time but we eventually got into a conversation. We discovered just how predictable Brayden was – he had picked us both up at our respective 21st birthdays. How ridiculous is that? Chelsea eventually left and I was really impressed with how well we were getting along – we had quite a bit in common and we were talking like we had known each other forever. Eventually I got up the nerve to straight up apologize and explain that I knew what she was going through. She was really good about it, taking the blame off of me and putting it all on Brayden. She understood that I really didn’t know about her – I wasn’t trying to fuck up her relationship, I was simply oblivious. Brayden even had the nerve to text us both the exact same message at the same time – obviously not thinking in a million years we’d be together. We laughed about it and sent him back a text saying we were together and we didn’t hear from him again.

We even got to a point where were hungry and decided to go to Subway and grab a bite to eat. However, when I came out of my room from grabbing my purse I saw Zoe hanging up the phone, white a sheet. My immediate thought was that Brayden had called her and freaked out. Or, worse, that he had shown up in the two seconds that I had been away from her. Instead she explained that James was on his way to get her. I didn’t ask any more questions – realizing that something private must have been going on and it was none of my business. As soon as the door shut my phone buzzed. I picked it up and saw a text from Chelsea.

“Double trouble? Looks like we get L Schenn for next year. Traded for JVR.”

My jaw dropped. That must be why Zoe was so upset – although I couldn’t figure out if it was because of the Schenn part or the JVR part. I decided it was probably some of both and it was then that I was hit with a perfect revenge plan. I texted Chelsea back.

“Hm. L’s pretty hot… I wonder how much THAT would piss off the asshole…”

“OMG. You wouldn’t.”

“You know I would. ;)”

I texted Zoe, too, saying, “Just got wind that your boy is headed to Toronto in exchange for brother Luke. He better not be anything like Brayden!”

As soon as she texted me back saying he was a sweetheart and she’d introduce me, I decided the plan would have to be put into action. I messaged Chelsea again, saying, “Do you think it’d be too much if I led Bray on a little before this happens…? Had him over to talk and ONLY talk? Probs get him excited…”

“I think it’s a great idea! You probably should actually talk to him anyway. No sex though Jor. Seriously. Bad idea.”

“Learned that lesson, girl. I’ll call you later.”

I switched to Brayden’s number and texted, “If you’re willing to have a calm, adult conversation you can come over. Don’t bother with condoms. You won’t need them. And the second you touch me, you’re fucking done.”

“Is your new BFF still there? For fuck sakes Jory.”

“If by my ‘new BFF’ you mean YOUR ex-gf then no. She’s gone.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

I went into my room and put on sweat pants and a huge hoodie. I was going to look as disgusting as possible for this. I most certainly wasn’t dressing up. Soon enough there was a knock on the door – much calmer and quieter than the one from earlier in the morning. I opened it up and saw Brayden standing there with Subway. I looked at him with narrowed eyes.

“I was going to get Chinese but it was kinda out of the way…”

I said nothing, just pulled the door open further and let him walk in. He went straight to the kitchen, which was odd. “Where are you going?” I asked.

“The couch is just asking for trouble,” he said without looking back. “We’re sitting at the table.”

I followed him in and sat across from him. He sat and looked at me for a few minutes as I started eating. “I don’t really know why I’m here,” he said slowly. “I don’t even know what to say. There isn’t really anything you don’t know – especially if you talked to Zoe.”

“All I want to know is why? I need you to understand something. I know we talked about it and we were ‘nothing’ or however you want to say it but that wasn’t it for me. I started to like you Brayden and I hate that. And I hate admitting that. I couldn’t even admit that to Chelsea for fuck sakes! You were everything I wanted and you weren’t asking for ANYTHING. It was perfect. But you’re just another asshole now! The whole time you were playing me. And I want to know why.”

“She’s in love with Reemer.”

“What?” I asked, confused.

“She was in love with him the whole time – I’m talking about James. And knowing her, she definitely talked about him when she was here, right? They’ve known each other forever and I’m never going to trump that. I was a fill-in. That’s all I ever was. I knew that, too. I honestly did. They were attached at the hip the first day I even met her but they were ‘just friends’ so I figured I could beat him. He’d never admit his feelings for her so what was stopping me? I started to ignore it all – how much she’d talk about him, how he always came before me. She loved me, yeah. But she didn’t LOVE me. Not like I loved her. And it started to really piss me off. I didn’t want to dump her. I really really loved her. But I didn’t want to be with her either – a boyfriend isn’t supposed to come second every fucking time, Jory! That’s not how it works. So, I had to get over her. And there you were. And that’s why.”

I looked up at him for the first time since he came into my apartment and noticed he had tears in his eyes. “You don’t see it, do you? You put ME in exactly that position Brayden! I was second best the entire time but I didn’t even know! Every phone call you took in the middle of a conversation, every time you suddenly had to leave when WE were together. That sucked! And she’s a really nice girl. Now that I’ve met her I feel even worse than I did last night. I’ve been her Brayden. I’ve been the one getting cheated on and it sucks more than you can even understand. She didn’t deserve any of that. You should have thought about her and not of yourself.”

“I know I fucked up, Jory. I understand that. I feel horrible about it. Nobody will even talk to me. The whole team hates me – even G. My ROOMMATE won’t speak to me. I lost my girlfriend and all my friends in one night. Everyone. And Reemer’s gone for good now. He just got traded and he’s going to leave without us even talking and that sucks – he was one of my best friends. I fucked everything up and I have no idea how to fix it! And what sucks the most is I always knew I wasn’t going to end up with her but I hate knowing I could have ended up with you. If I had been single when we met… Be honest with me Jory – if none of this happened, okay? We could have lasted, couldn’t we? I really care about you –“

“Stop it,” I said, fighting back tears. “Stop that right now. You’re playing me again. I’ll never trust anything you say! Ever! You know for a fact that she’s done. James is traded and if she really is in love with him then you know she’ll go right along with him. You know that option is out and I’m what’s left. I’m not going to settle Brayden – especially not for you. I know guys like you. They never change. I don’t have a chance at a future with you. God, I wish that wasn’t true. Getting over you is going to suck. But, it’s gotta happen. You fucked me over just as much as you fucked her over. I’ve never felt so stupid in my whole fucking life!” I cut myself off, got up and started towards the bathroom. I couldn’t fight back tears anymore and there was no way in hell I was going to give him the satisfaction of letting him see me cry. I slammed the door behind me and locked it, sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

“Jory, come on. Please talk to me. I’m sorry about what I did. I really am.” He kept rambling on for a few more minutes and eventually gave up. I sat there sobbing for about twenty minutes thinking about how much he hurt both me and Zoe and also dealing with how much my last boyfriend had hurt me – I hadn’t realized that I never really let myself cry over that break up, I simply went out and slept with someone when I started to feel any emotion towards that asshole. After I finally calmed down I started to wonder what had happened to Brayden. I was hoping that he had left and not heard every bit of my ridiculous breakdown but when I opened the door he was sitting across from me looking equally as wrecked.

“I didn’t realize it would come to this,” he said quietly, not meeting my eyes. “I figured I’d eventually dump her or she’d dump me and you’d never have to know. I really didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You can’t be surprised that I have a hard time believing anything you say.”

“I get that. I understand and it sucks but I know. Believe me when I say I’m done with it though. What do I need to do to prove that to you?”

“You need a miracle,” I said with a scoff. “But you can start with talking to Zoe. You need to tell her why you did what you did. It’s the only way she’s going to be able to move on from you without any stupid baggage.”

“I can do that,” he replied, finally meeting my eyes. “I’m going to do that. I want to make this better.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” I said, forcing a small smile. “Baby steps?”

“Baby steps,” he said, standing up and heading back towards the kitchen. He sat down and started eating again. I walked up behind him and looked at him for a second, shaking my head.

“Baby steps,” I whispered as I took a deep breath and sat down across from him, picking up my sub.