For All I Know

After spending three days with Pat, making sure he was able to get around and do things on his own, I was able to go back to work. I didn't need the full three days, but i wasn't scheduled to go in, so i stayed with Pat. I wanted to open up to him, but I couldn't find it in me to do it. Everytime he would ask me how I was feeling, I would shut him out. I felt bad, but I couldn't help it. When I woke up before work, Pat was still asleep. I had told him the night before that I was going back to work. He had asked me to stay with him for another day. I knew the real reason behind him asking. He didn't need my help getting around his apartment, he wanted me to talk. Hopping out of the shower, I saw Pat leaning against the bathroom counter. I quickly covered myself up with a towel and shrieked.

"Pat! What are you doing?"

He smirked. "Come on, it's not like I haven't seen you naked before."

"That's not the point. You were asleep! I've got to go to work."

He ran a hand through his hair."Can't you stay one more day?"

"Pat, you don't need my help. I need to go back to work. I love my job. I miss Nat."

"Invite her over for dinner tonight. Please, Claire. We need to talk."

I sighed. "I know we do. I just need to sort things out in my head. Going to work will help that."

He raised his hands in the air defensively and shook his head. "Okay. Will you come back when you're done?"

"I don't know. I'll call you."

I walked past him on my way back into the bedroom. After getting dressed, I walked back over to Pat, who was still standing in the bathroom. I placed a light kiss on his cheek. "I'm sorry, Pat. I'll call you, okay?"

"Claire!" I turned around when I reached the apartment door. I saw him look at me with hopeless eyes. "Just....just tell me this isn"t the end."

My eyes widened and I walked briskly over to him. I placed a hand on his cheek. "No, it's not the end. I just need time. This is something I have to get through on my own."

He nodded and let me leave without another word. After going back to my apartment and changing into work appropriate clothes, I walked through the hospital doors. When I walked into the elevator, I closed me eyes. I thought about all of the things I could've said to Pat. I thought of ways I could make this better. No matter what I tried to think of, that creep's face came back in my mind. Stepping off the elevator, I walked to the direction of cafeteria. I had texted Nat to let her know that I was going to be at work. Sure enough, when I walked behind the counter, Nat was the first person I saw. She looked up at me with wide eyes and ran over to the counter.

"Get over here!" I raised an eyebrow at her. "I need to talk to you!"

"Can it wait til lunch? I'm already late starting."

She sighed. "Please! It's about Pat."

My ears perked up at the mention of his name. I took off my apron slowly. I was a little eerie as to what she wanted to talk about. I walked out and into the main room of the cafeteria. Nat grabbed my arm and pulled me to a table at the back of the room. When we sat down, she smiled at me. I gave her a confused look.

"What's the smile for?"

"That boy loves you, you know."

I rolled my eyes. "This is what you called me out here for?"

She sighed. "He called me and asked if I could look out for you today. So spill it, sister. What's going on?"

I didn't feel overly comfortable talking about it in a room full of my co-workers, but i knew that she wouldn't let it go if I didn't. "I just can't get it out of my head. I mean, everytime Pat looks at me, I feel like he can see right through me and sees the pain and the creep touching me. I feel so filthy. I just wish that none of this happened."

"None of what?"

"Me and Pat getting back together...or whatever we are. Everything was so much easier before I saw him at the cemetery. I mean, yeah, I missed him and.."

"You were miserable." She cut me off. "Claire, you don't see the good in this. More than anything, this is a chance for you and Pat to start over. Start from scratch. You've put walls up again after what happened, and I get that, but Pat is doing everything he can to try and just take one brick down." She reached over the table and gave my hand a small squeeze. "Just let him in, sweetie. He's only trying to help. He's hurting just as much as he did. Think of it from his point of view. He watched his girl get attacked by some creep and couldn't do anything about it."

I looked down at my feet and could feel tears well up in my eyes. I didn't think about how this may have affected Pat other than his injuries. Nat was right, I needed to give Pat a chance. He deserved that much.

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Pat's POV

While Claire was at work, I sat around my apartment watching tv. I had texted Jon to see what he was up to after practice. By the time he got back to me, I was just about to hop in the shower.

Hey bud, I got no plans. What's up with you?

I had typed back that I was just going to hop in the shower then play some video games. In pure Tazer fashion, he wasn't to quick with a reply. When I hopped out of the shower, I heard frantic banging on my apartment door. I had quickly grabbed a pair of shorts, slipped them on and walked to the door. Opening it, I saw a red-faced Jon.

"Jesus dude, I thought you had died."

I chuckled with a raised eyebrow. "I did tell you I was going to hop in the shower."

He pondered for a second. "Oh yeah. Well anyways, I'm here, I got beer. Let's play."

I smirked and let him in. He sat down on the couch and cracked open a can of beer, handing it to me before opening one for himself. I sat down beside him.

“So, seems like the leg’s healing pretty quickly.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I can get around on my own a lot better now. Claire was a big help the last couple days.”

He smiled before taking a swig of his beer. “How’s that going? You and Claire?”

I sighed and fiddled with the tv remote in my hands. “It’s….well, I don’t really know. Ever since what happened, it seems like Claire’s pulling away from me.” I put the remote down and ran a hand through my hair. “I keep begging her to let me in, and she did a little bit, but she’s still holding back.”

“Well, she’s still healing, Pat. She needs time. She’ll come around, I’m sure.”

I nodded, hoping he was right.

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Claire’s POV

I had Nat’s words playing over and over in my mind throughout my entire shift. Finally, when I was on my way out of the hospital, I ran into Nat.

“Hey. Where are you off to in a hurry?”

I sent her a smile. “I have something to do. You in tomorrow?”

She shook her head. “No, are you?”

“Nope,” I said, shaking my head, “I’ll text you, okay?” She nodded and I walked past her, out the hospital door and out to my car. I pulled out my phone and looked at the time. He should still be awake, now I got into my car and made my way to Pat’s. Pulling up to his building, I walked up to the door and stopped myself. Am I doing the right thing? Standing outside the door, pondering on my thoughts, I began to pace.

“Claire?”

I stopped and turned my head to see Jon. He smiled at me. “What are you doing out here?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Thinking.”

He sighed and walked towards me. Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, he looked down at me. “He’s miserable up there, you know. He feels like..”

“I know,” I cut him off. “He feels like I’m shutting him out. I get that. That’s why I’m here.”

He patted me lightly on the shoulder. “Well, whatever you do, you can always come to me, you know that, right?”

I nodded and smiled up at him. “Yeah, I do. Thanks, Jon.”

He gave me a small wave and walked away. I finally mustered up the courage and opened the door to the building. I waved to the nightly door-man and walked over to the elevator. When I made my way to Pat’s door, I let out a long sigh and knocked on the door. Why is this bothering me so much? I heard light footsteps padding on the floor, then the door creaked open. Pat looked up at me with wide eyes.

“Claire?”

Words ran through my head and were stuck on the tip of my tongue. Not knowing what else to do, I launched myself into his arms. I pulled away slightly and looked into his eyes. Pat gave me a small smirk.

“I thought you were going to call.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I had a revelation of sorts.”

“Well, remind me to tell Nat I said thanks.” His smirk grew. I stuck my tongue out at him.

“So, are you going to let me in or not?”