For All I Know

Three days. I had to wait three days before Pat got released from the hospital. Since the incident, I didn’t really feel like myself. When we were told that Pat wouldn’t be able to get back on the ice for weeks, I felt horrible. It also didn’t help that every time I closed my eyes, I could feel that creep touching me. There wasn’t a night since that I haven’t cried myself to sleep. The one thing still left unexplained was whether the tears were out of fear from the creep, guilt for what happened to Pat, or a mixture of both. When I walked into his hospital room to take him home, he smiled at me.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up, stud.”

“So, are you my driver for the day?”

I nodded, holding up the keys. “Yeppers. I have the car all ready and rarin’ to go outside. All we need now is for the doc to let you go.”

“Well, I haven’t seen him yet today, so I’m not sure when we’ll be leaving. Did you have to book the day off work?”

I nodded my head. “Yeah, but they understand.” I walked over to the opposite side of Pat’s bed and sat on the chair. I picked up one of the magazines that we on the bedside table and began to flip through it.

“So…how are you?”

I scoff. “I see you every day, nothing’s changed.”

“Claire, you know what I mean.”

I look up at him, then avert my eyes back to the magazine.

“I’m fine, Pat.” I said in just above a whisper.

“You’re lying.”

I rolled my eyes. “Pat, I said I’m fine. Let it go, please.”

I heard him sigh. “I don’t want you to shut me out, Claire. I just got you back.”

I closed the magazine and placed it back on the table. I slowly ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “Pat, I …”

“Ah, Mr. Kane. I see your designated driver is here.” Pat and I looked over and saw the doctor walk into the room. He walked over to Pat’s side. Pat smiled up at him.

“Yes, sir. She, like me, is anxious to get out of here.”

The doctor chuckled. “Well, that’s understandable. I just need to check your vitals and make sure they haven’t changed at all. If they haven’t, then you’ll be free to go. I’ll be right back, just wanted to make sure you were awake first.”

Pat looked over at me with a small smile. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

I looked up at the doctor. “Did you want me to…?”

He slowly nodded. “I’m sorry, I just need to do a few tests. You could wait just outside the room. It’ll only take a few minutes.”

“No!” Pat exclaimed. “I don’t want her to leave. Please, anything you do to me, you can do in front of her.”

I gave Pat a look as if to say ‘don’t argue with the doctor.’ He just smiled at me. The doctor chuckled lightly as he left the room.

“You shouldn’t double-cross a doctor like that, Pat.”

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Pat’s POV

“I didn’t double-cross him, I just stated that you didn’t need to leave while he checked my vitals.”

I heard her sigh. “Whatever.”

After my vitals were checked and seemed to be fine, I was able to sign my release forms.

“Now, Mr. Kane, are you sure you’ll have someone to stay with you for the next 48 hours?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but before words could come out of my mouth, I heard a voice. It was Claire’s.

“Yes, he does. I will be staying with him.”

I didn’t even try to hold back a smile. I grabbed all of the required paperwork from the desk, and Claire and I left the hospital. When we arrived back at my condo, Claire helped me over the couch.

“Do you need anything? Food? Water? Pop? Juice?” She asked as I was carefully seated.

I chuckled. “Claire, you don’t have to do this. I have a small cast on my leg, I’m not paralyzed. You probably want to go home.”

She raised an eyebrow. “I offered to look after you for the next 48 hours. I’m not going anywhere. Now can you answer me?”

“Water would be great, thanks.” She nodded and left to the kitchen. When she came back, she handed me the bottle and turned away from me once again.

“I’m going to put your stuff away in your room, if that’s okay.”

“You know what I would really like right now?” I asked. Claire turned on her heel and looked at me with a confused look on her face. I waved my hand in the air, telling her to come closer to me. She rolled her eyes and walked over to me. I grabbed one of her hands and her eyes locked onto mine. “Sit down.” I whispered. She obliged and sat down beside me on the couch. I reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Claire, please tell me what’s bothering you. You haven’t been yourself since the incident.”

She sighed and averted her eyes away from mine for a second. “Pat, I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to move on.”

“How can you move on when you’re crying yourself to sleep and you see him every time you close your eyes?”

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Claire’s POV

“How do you know that?” I asked, my eyes wide.

“I wasn’t asleep when you came to visit yesterday. You were on the phone with Nat, and I overheard.” He gave my hand a light squeeze. “Let me in, Claire. I’m not going anywhere.”

I closed my eyes and let out a soft sigh. “Pat, I know you’re not going anywhere, but I need time to get over this. There’s a lot going on in my head right now.”

“Care to elaborate?” He asked with the eyes of sincerity. I didn’t mean to shut him out, but I didn’t want to harbor him with all of my problems when he had a bunch of his own to deal with. “Claire, talk to me.” He whispered. Finally giving in, I opened up.

“Everything is different now. What you heard me say to Nat was true, and is still happening. I do see him every time I close my eyes and, “I paused, feeling tears well up in my eyes. “I can feel his hands on my again. No matter how many times I shower, I can’t get the feeling off of me.”

Pat reached up and wiped the few tears that fell from my eyes. “He’s not going to hurt you anymore.”

I nodded. “I know that, but it doesn’t mean the thoughts stop. Then there’s the guilt. If I hadn’t seen you at the cemetery and started thinking about you again, or gone to the club and got drunk, none of this would’ve happened. We wouldn’t be here, you wouldn’t be hurt. This is all my…”

“Don’t. Do not say that this is your fault. It’s not your fault.” The tears were flowing freely down my face.

“I can’t help it. If I hadn’t agreed to let you take me out after that night we had sex, we enver would’ve gotten back together, or whatever we are. I wouldn’t have gone to the game, and we certainly wouldn’t have gone out to the club together. If you would’ve come home alone, things would’ve been different.”

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Pat’s POV

I shook my head as I watched the tears fall from Claire’s eyes. I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her towards me.

“I wouldn’t want it to be different.” I whispered into her hair. She pulled away and looked at me with a look of confusion.

"Yes, you would. You wouldn't have to take off from hockey."

I reached up and wiped a few stray tears off of her cheeks with my thumb. "But I wouldn't have you."