Love Is Hell

Lina.

It was Thursday night, close to a week after Halvo’s party. I had to admit, I had a lot of fun that night. The boys’ friends that I’d met were actually pretty nice; the kind of people I could see myself hanging around with. Sure, they drank and smoked occasionally, but that doesn’t make them bad people.

I thought of the guys, remembering meeting them all. I was a little worried and apprehensive of meeting so many new people, especially boys, but luckily they all made a good impression on me. I’d have to say, Joel was the most polite. He was friendly and nice and easy to talk to. I’d also met Justin Richards, a guy from Halvo’s band, Peter Sellers, another friend, and Nick Santino, another band guy.

Nick the red-head and I were almost the only people not drinking; Garrett was the only other one. Therefore, when Nick found out I didn’t drink, he yelled loudly, “Lina is my no-drinking buddy! Suck on that, you drunkards!” even though no one in the room was drunk. He was a nice kid. A little too flirty, if you ask me, but nice.

“Hey sis, I’m home!” Joey yelled from the front door, jarring me from my thoughts of all the new people I’d met. “And I brought food!”

He entered the kitchen, where I was standing and sipping on a cup of lemonade. I’d already gone grocery shopping, and Danny was playing in the living room. My mom was still gone, working.

He grinned, a male version of myself, and held up a paper bag from Wendy’s. My favorite. When it came to Joey and I, we knew each other inside out. It was scary but comforting at the same time to have someone know you so well.

“What’d you get me?” I asked as we dug through the bag.

“A chicken sandwich. Duh,” he said, rolling his eyes. I got a chicken sandwich every time.

“Mmm, thanks.” I pulled it out and unwrapped it, savoring the unhealthiness of fast food. The two of us moved over to the barstools situated in front of the island in our kitchen.

“So, while I was at Wendy’s, guess who I saw there?” Joey asked.

“Who? Aunt Kathy?”

We both grinned, remembering the time we’d stopped inside of Wendy’s when we were driving through California. We’d seen our Aunt Kathy. She chatted to us non-stop for close to an hour. That was back when my dad was still around, considering it was his sister. I hadn’t talked to Aunt Kathy for two years.

“No, thank God,” Joey said, taking a bite of his sandwich. “I saw John O’Callaghan, Jared, Tim Kirch, and that Halvo kid.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Really? Did you say hi?”

He nodded. “They wanted me to invite you to their show tonight. By the way, what kind of a name is ‘Halvo’?”

“His real name’s Eric. Remember, you met him one time at a show? But, his last name’s Halvorsen.”

“Ah, okay. That makes sense.”

A few minutes of comfortable silence passed over us as we ate.

Then, Joey said, “So are you going to go?”

“Go where?”

“To The Maine’s show tonight,” Joey said.

“Oh. I don’t know. What about Danny?”

My brother shrugged. “He’s okay with me, you know. I can watch him, if you want to go.”

I sighed. Did I really want to go to a loud, smelly bar just to watch some guys play a few songs? True, they were my friends, but it’s not like I ignored their offers every single time.

“Nah, I’ll just stay home. But thanks, J,” I said.

He raised his eyebrows at me. “You sure? You should get out more, sis.”

“Damn sure.”

***

Twenty minutes later, Courtney was calling me on my cell phone.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey, so do you want me to pick you up?” she asked.

“Um, what?”

“Do you want me to pick you up?” she repeated.

What the hell was she talking about? “Court, pick me up for what?”

“For The Maine’s show tonight! Aren’t you going?”

I sighed. So the guys had gotten to her, too. “No, I kinda wanted to stay home tonight.”

“Oh, please please please Lina, come with me to the show?” she begged, and I rolled my eyes.

“What, you haven’t seen your boyfriend in over two hours?”

“No, I should support him! They have like, four fans, Lina. We should go.”

I did feel a little guilty about not going. But then again, it was school night. “I can’t. I have to watch Danny.”

“Ha. Nice try, Carolina. I already talked to Joey, and he said he was fine with babysitting.”

Dammit. I made a mental note to get him back for that. “Get your ass over here, then.” As I was hanging up, I could hear Courtney’s victorious laugh though the phone.

***

Courtney and I walked into the venue, and immediately a wall of cigarette smoke hit me in the face. I scrunched my nose as a result, a bad habit I adapted unconsciously. Looking down at my feet, I smashed a cigarette on the floor with my combat boot.

“You so owe me for this,” I hissed to my best friend, who was looking around for the boys.

“Mmm, yeah, okay,” she said, clearly distracted as she dismissed my comment. “Oh look, there they are!” She pointed, then grabbed my arm and towed me over to a side-stage area, where a group of boys were standing.

“Lina!” a familiar voice yelled.

I turned, and saw none other than Eric Halvorsen. He ran over to me and pulled me into a big hug. I grinned. Over the past few weeks, Halvo and I had become pretty close. He was funny and trustworthy and seemed to really want to be my friend, too. Not counting my brother, Eric was probably my closest guy friend.

“Hey, Halvo,” I said, returning the hug.

“What about me?” Courtney said, sticking her bottom lip out and pouting.

“You know what they say about pouting, Courtney,” another voice added loudly. John O’Callaghan. “Don’t stick your lip out, or a bird’s gonna shit on it.”

The guys laughed, and Courtney rolled her eyes. Besides the fact that John seemed to still be stuck in the high school ‘tool’ phase, I had come to learn that he was a pretty cool guy.

As Pat enveloped Courtney into a hug, I looked to the person next to me. Kennedy Brock.

“Hey, Kenny,” I said, and he smiled at me.

“How’s it going, Lina?”

I nodded. “Not too bad. Yourself?”

And that’s how my night went. We all made small talk with each other until the five of them had to get on stage and start playing. Actually, everyone else did most of the talking, while I stood quietly. I had snuck a peak at Garrett, who was staring at his shoes, but I hadn’t talked to him.

My night had been seemingly normal. That was, until Tim Kirch showed up.

“Hey there, Carolina,” Tim said, grinning and winking at me. “Having fun?”

I sighed. “Sure.”

“What! Why do I sense a little sarcasm?”

I pursed my lips. This was the exact reason I didn’t want to come. Couldn’t I have a few minutes of peace? “You sense some sarcasm because I did not come here to chit chat and flirt with you, Tim Kirch. I came here to listen to my friends play in their band and because my best friend forced me to, okay?” I snapped. I was a little shocked at how harsh I’d been... too late now, I guess.

I almost smirked when I saw his eyes widen a little. He held his hands up in defeat. “Woah. Sorry, Lina,” Tim said.

I sighed again. “It’s okay. But, can we please just cut all the flirting shit and act like normal people?”

Surprisingly, Tim grinned. “No problem. How’d you know I was flirting with you, though? Most girls succumb to my charm so easily,” he laughed.

I rolled my eyes. “I’m obviously not most girls, Tim.”

He nodded. “That you are not, Miss Lina.”

A few seconds later, Halvo walked up with the blonde boy I’d met at his party, Joel. “Hey, Lina, you remember Joel, right?” Halvo asked.

I nodded. “I do. He caught Garrett and me during hide and seek. But does he remember me?”

Joel grinned. “How could I forget you? I mean, it’s pretty hard to forget a pretty girl you find hiding in a closet.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed a little at how he’d called me pretty. Normally, I’d get annoyed with boys who obviously flirted with me -like Tim- but with Joel, he was just so polite and sincere that it was hard to not find it flattering. Although, I really didn’t understand why Tim or Joel were flirting with me in the first place.

“Hey, it was a pantry!” I said. We smiled at each other, and I looked back up at the stage. John was singing, half facing the little audience and half facing Pat, who was banging away on his drums. Jared was standing still, plucking on his guitar and Kennedy was strumming on his too, except he would hum something into a microphone every so often. Garrett was the one on stage closest to me, nodding his head to the beat of their current song. I felt a tiny smile on my face as Garrett looked my way and grinned at me. I almost felt an ounce of guilt because I’d barely talked to Garrett since the party.

Truthfully, the way I’d been so open with him scared me. My rule was, to not let anyone past the walls I’d so tactfully constructed. I hadn’t really broken my rule; Garrett wasn’t past those walls. Not even close. But he was closer than most people, which made me nervous. Therefore, I’d ignored him as much as possible. My car was fixed, so I didn’t need any more rides home. We sat together at lunch with Courtney and Pat, but I only talked occasionally. I still sat next to him in seventh period, but we barely spoke then, too.

I realized I really did enjoy talking to him. Just talking to him wasn’t too bad, right? I decided I would allow myself to do that, starting with tonight.

***

“So you’re good friends with the band, yeah?” Joel asked from his spot next to me.

I shrugged. “Sort of. Jared’s my cousin. Pat’s dating Courtney,” I said, tilting my head towards her, standing next to me on my other side. “I guess I was good friends with Kennedy back when we still went to the same school. Garrett and I are friends, too,” I added softly, looking back up at the copper haired boy on stage.

I could see Joel nod out of the corner of his eye. “I’ve been friends with the guys for a couple of years.”

“Yeah, we found this guy singing karaoke at some shitty party!” Halvo laughed.

Joel grinned and shrugged. “I might’ve been a little under the influence. Who knows?” he joked. “Hey, I’m pretty thirsty. Do you wanna come with me to the bar, Lina?”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “Depends. Do you plan on ordering a beer?” I teased.

Joel laughed. “I don’t think my ID would allow me that. I really just want a soda or something.”

So I nodded, and we headed towards the bar, where Joel ordered a coke for himself and a water for me.

“So... I’ve been wondering, did it hurt when you got your nose pierced?” I asked as we sat down at a table. “I’ve been wanting to get mine done.”

“No, surprisingly. I mean, it stung, but it wasn’t too bad,” he said.

“Then I’m definitely getting mine done.”

“Not fan of pain, huh?” Joel smiled.

“Who is?”

“Touche,” he remarked. I turned my attention to the stage again, where I was pretty sure they were wrapping up their set. I could hear a few people clapping up front. “You know what?” Joel asked, and I reluctantly turned my attention back to him.

“What?”

“A friend of mine works at a tattoo parlor, and they do piercings there too. Maybe I could take you there this weekend?”

I sighed. That didn’t mean he was asking me on a date, right? “No can do. I’m only seventeen.”

“Ah. You’re a baby.”

“Hey! I am not!” I whined, feeling a smile slip onto my face.

“She so is!” Courtney yelled, appearing out of nowhere next to our table. Next to her, Halvo and Tim were grinning. “She’s the youngest out of all of us.”

“Really? Baby Lina?” Halvo asked, laughing.

Rolling my eyes, I said, “Either way, I act way more mature than you, Eric!”

He pouted, giving me puppy-dog eyes. I scoffed, but then leaned my shoulder into his as a silent apology. He grinned, making me grin too.

***

When The Maine finally finished up their show, the rest of us filed into the side-stage area again, where we applauded the boys.

“Good job, Pat,” Courtney said, smiling and hugging him sweetly. I was about to look away when I saw her lean her face into his, clearly kissing him. The boys must have seen too, because a chorus of groans and cheers filled the room.

“So are you guys official now, or what?” Kennedy asked, chugging a bottle of water. Courtney blushed and nodded, which didn’t surprise me.

“Congrats, babe,” I said, grinning and bumping my hip against hers. Actually, in a way, I was a little surprised. It was hard to imagine my best friend having a boyfriend; simply because of the way she was so picky about it. She knew what she wanted and would settle for no less, like me. But, I was glad she finally found that.

“Thanks, Lina. I was wondering... Pat and I wanted to go grab a bite to eat, you know... just the two of us. If that’s okay?”

At first I wondered why she was asking me that, but then I remembered she was the one who drove me here. “Oh. Uh, yeah that’s okay. I can probably catch a ride with someone.”

“You can catch a ride with me, Lina,” Tim said, winking and wiggling his eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes. “In your dreams, Kirch.”

“Hey, your best friend is dating my brother! We should get better acquainted!”

“Yeah, okay, sure. Maybe some other time,” I scoffed, my voice heavy with sarcasm. I didn’t know why I was so touchy when Tim talked to me. Maybe it was because he gave off a douchebag-like aura.

“I could give you a ride home, if you want, Lina,” a voice said softly from behind me, a voice I recognized easily.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be any trouble.”

“Of course. You’re on my way home, anyways,” Garrett said, putting his bass guitar in a case.

***

The sound of Wilco filled the air of Garrett’s car as he drove me home. The darkness that surrounded us comforted me, and it made it easier to ride silently. It made sitting next to a boy I barely knew easier.

The stereo switched to a new song, one I really liked. On instinct, I sang quietly along with the music. “How to fight loneliness. Smile all the time. Shine your teeth to meaningless.”

Garrett looked over at me. “You like Wilco?” I nodded in response. “Wow. I think we have the exact same music tastes. You know Ryan Adams and Wilco. What about The Smiths?”

I whipped my head quickly to gaze at him. “I love The Smiths!”

He grinned at me. “Really? What’s your favorite song?”

“God, that’s such a hard question. Either ‘Asleep’ or ‘You Just Haven’t Earned It Yet, Baby’.”

“I love ‘Asleep’. I think my favorite’s gotta be ‘How Soon Is Now?’,” Garrett said. In response I nodded and smiled at him, not really thinking that needed any more of an elaborate answer. I think it was clear enough that we both thought The Smiths were the shit.