Inexperienced

Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning feeling sort of foolish. Not only had I let myself break down in front of him and cry, but I’d revealed just how easily I can be hurt.

My reaction, no doubt, caught him by surprise. I’d gone from the quiet short-answered smartass to the emotionally damaged hormonal freak in a matter of seconds.

I just couldn’t understand how this boy made me feel so vulnerable. What was it about him? Yes, his shining turquoise eyes were the most outstanding eyes I’d ever seen. And I wouldn’t deny his smile was extremely brilliant. But all of these physical features didn’t define who he was as a person, and somehow that person underneath all of the physical perfection had made a small crack in the hollowed out shell of me.

I stopped myself from thinking. Oh, God. What is with me? How could I let myself fall for his seemingly harmless tricks? Nothing good would come of an infatuation with a boy like Jared Kent.

He was strictly off limits. Besides, the boy was probably frightened to death by my outburst yesterday and he’ll most likely try to never start a conversation with me again.

I groaned out loud. I was holding on to one of my pillows, hugging onto it as if it were a life preserver. I glanced at my alarm clock. I had ten more minutes until it was set to go off. I couldn’t stand to lie another second in my bed, so I threw back the covers, shut off the alarm, and headed for the bathroom.

My eyes weren’t as puffy from the last time I looked at them. The red rimming around them had calmed down significantly. Hopefully no one could tell I’d been crying practically all night.

I took a few minutes brushing through my hair and applying a thin amount of makeup. With a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt on, I hurried downstairs towards my car, shouting out lame goodbyes at my family, and made my way to school.

The dim hallways were slowly filling with students, and I walked silently to my locker. After retrieving my books, I walked in content to first period, pleased with the fact that I hadn’t spotted Jared yet. A tight knot formed in the pit of my stomach from the thought of having to encounter him today. I prayed sixth period would never come.

Once fifth period had ended, I made my way to the cafeteria. I was standing in line, debating my minimal options. A tall figure passed me, brushing my right side. I looked up out of instinct and was faced with the back of Jared Kent. Suddenly my stomach seemed to twist in knots like earlier and lunch no longer sounded appetizing. I grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler and waited patiently to check out and walk to my usual table.

Once I sat down, I rested my head in the palm of my hand and faced out the window. I didn’t bother to pull out my notebook; instead I just stared outside, my mind completely absent. My stomach was doing cartwheels and backflips.

My thoughts were so far from my body and senses that I didn’t even notice the sound of the squeaking seat being pulled next to me.

It wasn’t until a few minutes later that I broke my eyes from the outdoors and refocused my attention to my surroundings.

I glanced in front of me and froze. Everything in my body stood still. The air caught in my throat and my eyes slightly widened. There, across the cold lunch room table, sat Jared Kent.

My eyes didn’t break away from his as I twisted my body into an upright position. He sucked in a slight breath and gave me a weak smile. My expression remained the same.

He looked down at his tray of food and began eating, cautiously glancing at me when his focus was no longer on his food. I broke my glare away for a short second to look around the cafeteria. I blinked quickly. Is he really sitting across from me?

My survey caught a few curious glances. Other people obviously noticed the strange seating choice of Jared’s.

I returned my eyes to Jared’s calm face. I gulped, fighting the urge to empty the nonexistent contents of my stomach. “Can I help you?”

He looked at me, a small smile on his lips. “I’m glad you’re talking to me.” I shook my head and stared down at the table. Nope, I’m definitely not talk to him. “Austin, please talk to me.”

I looked back at him, his glimmering eyes pleading. I fought back tears. This was not the time to cry. “You’ve already cried once to him, don’t do it again,” I mentally told myself.

“Why’d you say those things yesterday?” he asked in a confused voice. His eyes shown with genuine concern and I knew I owed him an explanation.

“Because they’re the truth.” My tone was matter-of-fact.

“You think I feel sorry for you?” he asked, a slight hint of frustration bubbling in his tone.

“I know you do.” My voice sounded so sure.

He shook his head. “Why do you think such things? Why should I feel sorry for you?”

“You shouldn’t,” I stated. “Jared, do you not understand? Look at me.” I placed my hands, palms up, in front of me, gesturing towards myself.

“I’m looking. But I still don’t understand,” he explained. The heat rose to my face. Why did he have to anger me so much?

“I’m nothing. I don’t have any friends or nice things. I’m no use to you.” My head fell into the palm of my right hand and I closed my eyes. His incomprehension was driving me wild.

“So that’s what you think I do?” he mused, a light chuckle in his voice. “You think I use people?”

I didn’t look up at him or offer a reply.

A warm touch grabbed my free hand. My eyes flew open, as a blush formed on my cheeks. Jared was holding my hand. I looked down at it in wonder. His touch sent this electrifying current through my body. This amazing feeling made my nerves tingle and it was as exhilarating as a drug. I could feel myself becoming addicted.

“Is it wrong for me to want to know one person I can be real around?” he asked, a slight crack in his voice, all amusement gone.

“I never knew you were faking.”

“Not when I’m with you. You make me feel compelled to know more about you. Everyone else just wants me to be this guy that they can rely on for their own needs.” Never in my life had I expected such words to come from the lips of Jared Kent. And how beautiful his lips looked as he spoke those words. I mentally slapped myself. Don’t let your thoughts go there.

“How can I make you feel real?” I was stunned.

“You don’t hide yourself under a blanket of perceptions. You don’t hide your true colors. I admire you for it.” He gave me a crooked smile that took my breath away.

How foolish of me to deny myself the beauty of his gorgeous looks; his chocolate brown hair, his turquoise blue eyes, his devilishly attractive dimple, his pearly white teeth, or the smooth complexion of his tan skin.

I could feel myself melt, succumb to his qualities like any other girl. But no, I couldn’t. Not yet. He can’t know my weakness for him. He can’t know I have a weakness at all.

“Austin, I want you to be my friend. A real friend. Not someone who judges me on the parties I throw or the cars I have. I want you to like me for me. Is that too much to ask of you?” His voice sounded so pleading, it took all my strength to not collapse right there at the table.

I cleared my throat. This uncertainty bubbled in my veins. Could I really trust him? You’ll never know until you give him a chance. The little voice in my head begged me to give into this gorgeous man’s plea.

But my overconfidence got the best of me, and I rose out of the chair, almost unwillingly, and walked away, managing a quick, “We’ll see.” I didn’t dare to look back at his stunned yet excited face.