Two Way Street

I hugged Niall tightly before we both left his flat, hand in hand. We walked in silence down the street, not bothering to converse about where we were going. We ended up by a small coffee stand.

“I think I’m going to go home after this. I’m tired and I need some real sleep,” I yawned as the vendor handed me my coffee.

Liam slid a few notes onto the counter, “Keep the change. I’ll walk you there.”

I nodded and slipped my hand into his, “Thanks.”

There was a long silence until Liam sighed. “I think we should talk about us now.”

I bit my lip, “Okay, sure.”

“I know that under normal circumstances, what happened last night would never have actually happened. I think we both know that that was purely alcohol working in us,” Liam’s voice was soft and quiet. He took a sip of his coffee and started again when I didn’t respond. “I don’t know what you think about committing to a relationship but I think Niall’s right. Louis will have an easier time forgiving you if we commit to a relationship instead of just calling it a one night stand.”

I sighed and took a sip of my coffee, wetting my dry throat, “Drunk words are sober thoughts. I think that would apply to actions too. I think sooner or later what happened last night would happened down the road for us.”

“You honestly believe that?” Liam’s voice inched towards hopeful.

I nodded, “Obviously there must be some attraction between us or I wouldn’t be holding your hand or letting you kiss me.”

“So where does that leave us, Mara? Because honestly, I’m getting rather hopeful,” I saw Liam watched me out of the corner of his eye.

I shrugged, “I don’t know, Liam. To be honest, I’m still confused about you. I still don’t know why you would tell Louis that Harry and I were sleeping together when you didn’t even bother asking me. I mean, we just became friends and you pulled that. I don’t know why you did that and honestly, it hurt me more than you calling me a bitch. Which I heard, by the way.”

Liam hung his head, “Let’s sit and talk for a bit before we go to Harry’s, yeah?”

I nodded and we sat down on the bench by the tube. I faced him and sat on my left leg, “I’m just confused about the entire thing, Liam.”

He nodded, “I’m confused as well. But let me just tell you why I told Louis about you and Harry, okay? I’ll help you try to understand why I did what I did.”

I took a deep breath and prepared to hear that he despise me and only shagged me because he was drunk out of his mind and that he didn’t want anything from me.

“Honestly, when I first met you, I thought you were gorgeous but I hated the fact that you were so sarcastic with everyone. It made me so angry that that’s how you got to know people,” I laughed a little bit in agreement. “But when I got to know you a little bit more, I realized you weren’t just sarcastic all the time. You were so fun at our football tourney and it was just awesome. That’s when I wanted to be your friend for the first time.”

I grinned, feeling proud of myself, “Glad my football skills could bring us together.”

He nodded, “But I don’t know. When you told me you were going to move in with Harry, I got mad and I don’t know why. It was completely irrational and stupid of me. I have nothing to say for myself other than I acted out of jealous, probably. But I never meant to hurt you or your relationship with either Louis or Harry. It was completely stupid of me and I’m really sorry.”

“I accept your apology, even though I don’t understand why you were jealous of Harry in the first place. Unless you were jealous of me that I was moving in with Harry,” I winked at him and he rolled his eyes. “But seriously, I don’t understand by but our meeting at that pub last night, I’m not sure what happened.”

He shrugged, “I do. We were both drunk and we made a mistake.”

“Does it have to be a mistake?” I asked meekly. Because honestly, I didn’t want Liam to be a one night stand.

“I don’t want you to be a one night stand, Mara. I really don’t,” Liam said as if he read my thoughts. I jumped when he touched my cheek.

“I don’t...I don’t want us to be a one night stand either?”

“Why is that a question?”

I hung my head, “I don’t know, Liam. I don’t know why that was a question. I don’t know if I can let you in like that, Liam. I don’t get along with other people. I don’t play nice all the time. I’m not someone you want to be around all the time.”

I whispered all those words, looking down at my hands that fell in my lap emptily. Truth was, they looked and felt empty without Liam’s hands there. My fingers looked too wide spread without Liam’s to fill that void.

I heard him take a deep breath and let everything out, “You know, I think I’m willing to take a leap of faith and jump into it. If things don’t work out between us, we can call it good and we can go separate ways and say that’s the end of it. It doesn’t have to be messy between us anymore. We can go out and if you feel like this isn’t working, there you go. You can call it all off. It’ll be completely up to, okay?”

I didn’t know how to respond. Being in charge of how long the relationship lasted wasn’t something I wanted to be in charge of. Cutting the chord and unplugging from each other seemed like major risk to me and I didn’t want to hurt anyone else. What if one of us fell in love and the other decided it was going to far? What if I fell in love with Liam and he was tired of me and just wanted things to end? What if he fell in love with me and I pulled the plug and said things were over? Louis and the others would hate me.

“I don’t know if I can do that, Liam. If things do get messy between us, someone is going to get hurt. Louis would never forgive me if you hurt me and the others’ would never forgive me if I hurt you. It’s too big of a risk, Liam. It’s a risk I don’t know if I can take. I don’t think I can take that leap of faith,” I said quietly. I was afraid to look at him and see him angry at me. I couldn’t stand the silence and when I did look up, I saw only kindness and patience.

“I can understand your hesitation, Mara. I really do. It’s a huge risk we’d be taking and I know, I’m scared too,” Liam leaned forward and kissed me.

I sighed when he pulled away, “This is so fucking confusing.”

His lips turned up in the corners, “I know, Mara. How about you take some time and consider it, yeah? I don’t want to push you into something you’re not sure about.”

I nodded and stood up, brushing off the back of my trousers, “Now I’m exhausted.”

“Let’s get you home then,” Liam held out his arm and I smiled, linking my arm with his as we walked down the street to Harry’s apartment.

He opened the door for me and kissed me wordlessly. When he pulled away, he left me breathless and hungry for more. He waved at me over his shoulder, his brown eyes twinkling happily. I waved back weakly and turned around, walking on shaking legs.

Harry opened the door, “Well then. Getting a little friendly, aren’t we?”

“I’m not in the mood for your sarcasm, Harry. I’m hungry and exhausted mentally and physically. I’m going to sleep for three days now. Wake me up if I oversleep my alarm,” I marched straight into the spare room where I was staying and I fell face first onto the bed, not bothering to take off my shoes or my trousers.

I fell asleep in a matter of minutes.