Two Way Street

It wasn’t working.

That was the only thought that went through my mind for the next several days. It was a thought that I honestly didn’t want to think either. And somewhere deep inside, I knew he was thinking the same thing. It was difficult being in a long distance relationship when it was still in the young stages of its life. It hurt to think that something so nice could have the potential to ruin friendships and break hearts.

When I was young, too young to remember dates, my parents died, leaving me as an orphan. I had one friend and that one friend was Louis. His family, much like my adopted family, took me in as their own, combining my room with Louis until we were both too old to be sharing a room.

It was difficult. For the longest time, I was resentful to his parents, mostly because I was afraid I’d lose them in the end too.

When you lose something that close to, something like both of your parents, you realize how fragile and empty life is. You question the time everyone has on earth, including your friends and the rest of your family. The saying ‘You never know what you have until it’s gone’ is completely valid. You take people for granted and you don’t treat them fairly all the time. But when those people disappear from your life forever, you realize that you didn’t even deserve them in the first place.

It’s difficult to feel unworthy of your parents. But when mine died, it was more than unworthiness.

It was fear.

It became normal to push people away because you fear losing them.

I even resented and feared Louis. I didn’t want to get close to him because I didn’t want to lose him. I’d already lost everything; I couldn’t bear to lose him too. Not after everything I’d been through emotionally.

Then came Liam.

He was the one way street that you caught yourself driving down when you knew very well you were supposed to go the other way. He was the opposite direction you were supposed to head down. I didn’t want to be going down that direction.

I loved him.

I really did love him.

But fear gripped my heart when I thought about him leaving me and abandoning me. The thought of loneliness was the stuff of nightmares and it made my hands tremble. Liam was temporary. We both knew that. We’d gotten together after a drunken night together and to think that we’d be more than just a few weeks, perhaps a few months was both naïve and adolescent.

I set my empty glass down, eyeing the bartender as he wiped down the counter in circular motions with a white dishcloth. He stepped over to me. “Having some troubles?”

I shrugged. “I s’pose.”

“Need an ear?”

“No, I’m fine. I do need another porter though.” I slid my glass over to his left hand before I slumped and rested my forehead in the palm of my hand. Drinking the pain and the confusion wasn’t the best course of action for coping with my distress, but it was the only way I knew how. I couldn’t call anyone because they’d already tried to help. Louis would tell me to talk to him, but I knew he’d never understand.

I frowned when I considered calling Harry to ask him what to do.

The glass of porter appeared before me and I downed it quickly, not pausing to savor the malty taste.

“Wow, lassie. You downed that quick enough. Care for something stronger?”

I turned to see a man with bright blue eyes and light brown hair. He looked strong and intelligent and his accent hinted at Scotland. I shook my head as I turned back to my empty glass. Despite the Scotsman’s physical attractiveness, I was still attracted to Liam more than I’d ever been attracted to anyone before. So when he asked me if I wanted a drink, I turned back around and ignored his existence.

He rested a hand on my shoulder. “Did I offend you, lassie?”

I swallowed hard. “No, you didn’t. But I am in a committed relationship so your efforts will be futile.”

The man sat down beside me, motioning for the bartender. “Scotch, if you please.”

Seconds later, a small glass of scotch was produced and placed before him. He swirled the glass in circles, smiling in satisfaction. “Yet you’re here alone.”

I nodded. “He’s out of the country right now.”

“Sounds oddly suspicious,” he observed lightly.

“Suspicious?” I wondered out loud.

The man nodded and meekly sipped his scotch. “Yes, suspicious. Because a pretty girl like you is sitting alone in a pub in London saying that the other half of her relationship is out of the country. It sounds more like you don’t want any strangers to buy you a drink.”

“And if I don’t want anyone to buy me a drink?” I whispered.

I turned to see him shrug. “Then I’d say too bad because I’m going to buy you a drink no matter what.”

“You’ll be wasting your time because I won’t drink it. I’ve had enough drinks for tonight.”

He sighed. “It’s common courtesy not to lie to a stranger. Judging by how stable you are, I’d say you’ve had that porter and maybe a shot or two. I don’t think you’re in a relationship right now. Why don’t you come home with me tonight and we’ll change your relationship status.”

As if on cue, my phone rang from my pocket. Liam. “Excuse me. My nonexistent boyfriend is calling.”

I took a deep breath. “Hey, Liam.”

“Mara, we need to talk about something.”

“I know we do.”

“Are you free right now?”

I shot a daring glance at the Scottish man beside me. “Yeah, I’m not doing anything too important right now. I was just getting a drink at the pub, but I’ll walk home.”

“There’s someone next to you trying to pick you up, yeah?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Yes there is, Liam.”

“I want you to be careful when you’re walking home. Call me as soon as you get home, alright?”

I pushed my glass away. “Will do, Liam.”

“I love you, Mara.”

My smile faltered if not just a little bit. “I love you too, Liam. I’ll talk to you in a tick.”

I pushed away from the bar, standing up and pulling the bottom of my shirt down. “It’s been lovely declining your incessant offers for drinks. But I’ve got important things to discuss with my nonexistent boyfriend. Good day.”