Savage Hearts

Lila stared into the fridge, clad in only one of Jon’s Canada shirts. She bent over to grab some food on the bottom shelf and felt some hands on her hips. She flinched and jumped up, turning around she saw Jon grinning widely. Lila rolled her eyes before grabbing a yogurt and a spoon and walked back to the bedroom crawling back in bed.

“You’re going to ignore me and eat in our bed?” Jon asked.

“Yes, I thought you would be gone by now, and you keep giving me that look.” She says before eating more yogurt.

“What look?”

“That judgmental, worried look, you have problems too.”

“I’m sorry I’m giving you a look, I have problems too but yours worry me.”

“Whatever just go, you’ll be late for trying to keep your job,” Lila groaned pulling the covers over her head.

Jon sighed and walked over to the bed sitting on the side. He tried to pull the covers off of Lila but she pulled them tighter around her.

“Li, I’m sorry. I’m going to leave now. I love you.”

“Are Kaner and Lindsey babysitting me while you’re gone?”

“They’ll be over later.” Lila pulled the covers off her face to glare at Jon and he leaned in to give her a peck on the lips before getting up to leave.
~~~~~~~~

“So this is the place you’ve been running off to,” Patrick said walking around Lila’s studio.

“What are doing here Kaner?”

“Jon told me to. He’s worried about you and looking at this place so am I.”

“I meant more why are you here alone?”

“Lindsey is in Milwaukee for a teaching conference or something. That’s why I let you stay here much later than Jon wanted you to.”

“Ahh so did Jon tell you why he’s a hypocrite?”

“He’s not hypocrite, you told him you thought about killing yourself before you ran away. He’s upset too but he wasn’t suicidal. If you killed yourself I don’t think he’d be able to handle that. That would have broken him. So just deal with hanging out with me until he gets over it.”

“Fine fair enough, but just so you know I only thought about killing myself that one time.”

“So why are the lights so dim and it looks like I live here?” Patrick asked lifting up two empty liquor bottles.

“I don’t drink, but I’m recycling for a future project. And the darkness fits my current painting mood.”

“I can see that,” he wrinkles his forehead staring at the many dark themed paintings, “except that one, is that the dream team?”

“I watched a lot of Olympics the last few weeks and I just enjoy painting LeBron.”

“Well the USA is the best, much better than your boyfriend’s country.”

“True that. Speaking of American things, since you are watching me, do you want to go to baseball game with me, I have tickets.”

“Sure, since Lindsey isn’t here I have nothing else to do,” Patrick shrugs as the two leave the studio.

“It’s good it’s just the two of us because I think we need a little chat,” Lila laughs.

~~~~~~~~

“Oh my god, that was the most fun I’ve had at a baseball game in a long time,” Lila laughed and flopped on the couch putting her feet in Patrick’s lap.

“I haven’t laughed that hard in such along time.”

“Why don’t we hang out more often just the two of us?”

“Well because last time we hung out just the two of us the incident happened.”

“Ahh the incident, I forgot about that.”

“No you didn’t.” Patrick shoved her.

“Okay I try not to think about it.”

“That’s what I do, I mean it’s been a long time and Jon still doesn’t know.”

“And he will never find out. I mean technically Jon and I weren’t dating yet, but he never needs to find we got to third base.”

“Lindsey never needs to find out either.”

“Yeah about Lindsey are you two just fucking or dating or…”

“She- she helps me,” Patrick says furrowing his eyebrows thinking of the right way to word that sentence.

“Helps you? Like cum, gross Pat.”

“No! God with the whole alcohol thing, she just hangs out with me and talks to me about it and distracts me from it, especially after Cinco de Mayo.”

“Aww that makes me so happy I don’t want to throw up at the thought of you two having sex.”

“She’s really good about that kind of stuff,”

“Her brother was an alcoholic, so she’s been dealing with that for a long time. She got good at it because in classic rich white kid style everyone tries to ignore the problem, like all those kids on coke and stuff. Just keep it a secret and it will seem invisible. She just wanted her brother so she stayed with him. I’m glad she’s helping you because you’re my favorite fuck up.”

“Aww thanks Li, you’re my favorite fuck up I’m so glad Jon is going to marry you.” Patrick laughed before his eyes widened in realization of what he said.

“He wants to marry me?”

“Of course he’s crazy about you.”

“Has he said anything about it?”

“Um, yeah but I don’t know when he’ll ask but he will, maybe after all this hockey bullshit is over.”

“Oh yeah you guys might lose your jobs for a bit, I keep forgetting.”

“That is why I’m watching you because Jon is off negotiating.”

“Yeah, good times, what are you going to do if the lockout happens?”

“I’m not sure, maybe just go home and workout in Buffalo for a bit.”

“What if it’s like really bad what will you do?”

“I’ll look into playing overseas if it goes too long, are you asking to find out about what Jon might do because I don’t think he’s going to go to Europe after what happened with you.”

“But he loves hockey and he can’t go that long without playing it.”

“He loves you more than hockey.”

~~~~~~~~

The next morning Lila woke up on the couch, her legs tangled with Patrick’s as they slept on either side of the couch. The TV was on and she just laughed at how they fell asleep during their movie. Lila shook her legs free from Pat’s and stood up to go into the kitchen to make breakfast. Pat’s head poked over the couch and looked at Lila rummaging around for food.

“Can you make something with your peach syrup? That’s my favorite,” Pat asked before lying back down. Lila nodded, grabbing a jar from the fridge and began making pancakes.

Once she had made two large stacks of pancakes, she walked back to the couch placing the plates on the coffee table. Patrick smiles and quickly digs in. Lila reaches for the remote and changes the channel.

“You don’t strike me as the type to watch pageants.”

“This is Miss Teen USA, my baby sister is in- Oh look there she is! Jr. Miss Georgia,” Lila excitedly pointed.

“She’s hot.”

“She’s sixteen perv,” she gave Pat a small shove.

The two ate while watching and laughing at the ridiculous answers and outfits of the girls. They were laughing so hard they didn’t hear Jon walk in.

“Glad to see you two are having fun, what the hell are you two watching?” Jon smiled, sitting between them.

“We’re watching Melissa kick ass in Teen Miss America,” Lila said not looking away from the screen.

“Okay,” Jon sighed sinking in to the couch.

“How did the meeting turn out I haven’t really been paying attention,” Pat asked noticing the change in Jon’s demeanor.

“They rejected the proposal today. We have training camp in a month and they rejected it within one day, its like they don’t even want to try.”

“Sorry, I understand that this is serious but my sister is answering short answers now so shut up.”

Melissa was wearing a peach colored evening gown, smiling so much Lila thought it must hurt.

“Our nest contestant is Junior Miss Georgia, Melissa Carter, born in Atlanta and now a native of Joneboro, Georgia. As we saw earlier she is an excellent ballet dancer. Good evening Miss Carter, how are you feeling?” The MC introduced.

“Just grand, sir,” she drawled out, causing Kaner to laugh.

“My first questions are what are you future plans, college or something else?”

“I’ll be applying to colleges this year, I’m looking into University of Georgia, Alabama, Ole Miss, LSU, and University of Texas, keeping it in the South.”

“Off of that what would your dream job be?”

“If I could do anything, I’d want to dance professionally. But I’m not that good so I’d probably want to work in baseball.”

“Baseball?” The man asked confused.

“Yeah, it’s the sport I grew up on and I love it. I can tell you almost anything about baseball, and if it weren’t for baseball I wouldn’t be here. My parents met because of it.” Melissa grinned.

“That’s lovely, now for your final question, who inspires you most and why?”

“Most people would say someone who accomplished something big or their mother or father, but I’d have to say my sister Lila inspires me most.” She’s always been a free spirit, traveling to all the places she wants to go and doing the things she wants. She’s so confident in herself and knows what she wants and won’t let anyone get in the way of that. She’s an artist and it allows her to always express who she is with no fear and I find that so commendable and I wish I could be so sure to travel to the beat of my own drum and live the life I want.”

“great answer, now let’s have a round of applause for Miss Georgia,” Melissa princess waves before leaving the stage, “We will be back after some commercial.”

“Li are you crying?” Jon asked Lila who sure enough had a few stray tears on her cheeks.

“Yes, I have to go call her, I’ll be back,” Lila stood up and went to the bedroom.

“So how was she?” Jon asked as soon as Lila was out of earshot.

“She was fine, she seems nowhere near suicidal, but she’s still in a pretty dark place/ I mean she was pretty distracted with me, we just did a lot, but if you let her wallow in all those thoughts, I think she’ll never get over it.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you go to her studio, it’s not exactly the healthiest place for her to be spending time alone. It’s not therapeutic. I think you should see for yourself. I’m gonna go now, give you two some alone time.” Pat gave Jon a slap on the knee before getting up and leaving the apartment.

Jon sighed looking towards the bedroom to see Lila laughing on the phone before cradling his head in his hands.

~~~~~~~~

The next day Jon got up earl for a workout, as much as he wanted to stay in bed and hold Lila all day, he knew he had important things to do.

Jon was starting to skate a little harder this week. Although he had worry filling his stomach about the future of the league, he knew he must be prepared camp or otherwise. As would be expected of any professional hockey player, Jon felt most comfortable on the ice. He loved the sound of his skates scraping the ice. The sound was soothing and helped clear his head. After and hour or so of skating around, Jon called it a day and began the drive to Lila’s studio.

Once he arrived, he realized he had gotten there before Lila had. He used the key Lila gave him in case of emergency and walked in. The room was rather large and had wide open space, it reminded Jon of a smaller storage unit. The walls were all plain concrete except one had many windows. There was paint spilt everywhere, canvases with unfinished art, sculptures half done, and a corner filled with finished works. In the center of the room were Lila’s current works.

Jon looked in horror at the dark gruesome paintings. Paintings of women sliced open and bleeding out, of dead babies, of mutilated bodies, all seeming to realistic. He stared with the sickness filling his stomach when he heard the door open.

“What are you doing here Jon?” Lila asked, confusion written on her face.

“I- I wanted to talk to you.” Jon stuttered tearing his eyes away from the disturbing pictures.

“About what?”

“You. I’m worried, I know you say you’re fine and I believe you, but I also don’t think you’re getting better.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about this!” Jon waves his hands at the painting, “No more pictures of dead babies and mutilated women Lila, I want you to stop thinking about it and wallowing in it.”

“I’m not wallowing in it,” Lila snapped bitterly.

“Do you know that you were supposed to leave for Europe today? I know you canceled your tickets and that worries me that you chose to stay in this dark room than do something you’ve dreamed of.”

“I didn’t want to leave because I didn’t want to leave you and have you worry.”

“Bullshit! You know I would have worried no matter what and you usually ignore that.”

“What do you want me to do, Jon?” Lila said on the verge of tears.

“I want you to go to Europe. I want you to see all the beautiful things you’ve dreamed of seeing. I want you to stop making such depressing picture. I want you to try and get better and I think leaving Chicago for a while will do that.” Jon said.

He walked towards Lila who was wiping away tears and pulled her to his chest. He soothingly rubbed her back and kissed her hair. For once okay with the idea of letting Lila go free.