Suspenders, Stripes and Pain Killers, Oh My

My body was forever stuck on this material I was expected to wear. The faint sapphire structure it consumed was wedged into my exhausted eyes. The rough fabrics made my skin tingle with its lack of cotton.

A perfect amount of sunlight shined bright through my clear window. I watched as birds chirped near my own. They sounded happy.

“Knock knock,” a voice came from behind my room door. I sat up and crossed my hands across my weak stomach. I clenched my fist tightly as the door cracked open.

“Yes?” I asked faintly.

“Louis, I’m here for your daily pills,” Amber, my nurse, came in with a rolling table. She had her turquoise scrubs on today. She color coordinates her scrubs according to the days of the week. Although, today I don’t understand why she wore turquoise.

“You have some visitors as well,” she said in a small whisper as I swallowed the medications down my windpipe. The refreshing water soon followed the prescriptions.

From the look on her face, she guessed well that I didn’t genuinely like company. She knew I didn’t like the idea of others in my room besides the doctors and nurses, like her herself. Whenever I was visited, I felt like a wild animal out for display at a local zoo.

I nodded anyway. I pursed my lips and waited for her to catch my guests. I sighed softly to myself and ran a hand through my crazy hair.

“Here you are,” Amber motioned them towards me. As she placed them in, Harry gave her one of his signature smiles.

“Thanks love,” he playfully flirted with her. I sighed to myself and waited. I could tell with the look on Amber’s face that she wasn’t giving him her full attention. She forced a smile on her face and closed the door behind her.

“Hey lad,” Liam greeted. I could tell her had a hard smile on his face. Like he didn’t want it to be there.

“How are you?” Harry asked as he came closer to my bedside.

I took a glance at my dish platter next to my bed and back at Liam and Harry. I thought about for a while.

Was I truthfully feeling fine? Was I becoming weaker everyday?

“Okay,” I answered. I sighed softly, mostly to myself, and looked down.

I didn’t know what I did to deserve this. Every time I see anyone I was close to me whatsoever, I feel like I’m fighting my way from a black hole. I was trapped. I felt paralyzed.

I’ve known my buddies for a good two years. We have been through a lot together. But at this right moment, I felt like we were strangers. With situations like these, I’m puzzled with their own perspectives.

“Just you two lads today?” I asked, confirming with Liam and Harry.

They both nodded simultaneously.

“Just Harry and I,” Liam said and added less seriously with a smug, “Zayn and Niall went to the gym.”

“Gym?” I asked as I raised one of my eyebrows. This is rich.

“Amazingly yes,” Harry chimed in and smirked. Sometimes I wish conversations like these were as easy.

As they both sat down, I felt as if I was in no control over my own mind. The walls were closing in on themselves and I was surrounded. Just then, everything was dead as night.

“Louis,” she whispered. I recognized her squeaky voice the moment I heard it.

“Yes?” I called out in a firm voice. Although, terror was pinched in it. My breathing increased as I waited. It was dark. I couldn’t tell where I was going. The icy atmosphere slapped my bare skin. My teeth clench as my own hands started to shake. I felt like I was walking into a freezer. My calves started to hurt due to the long walk ahead of me. I didn’t know how long this walk will take. I felt like it was endless.

“Louis,” she repeated in the same in tone, “Please.”

I felt like I fell; face first. Something knocked me over. I tried get up but I didn’t have enough strength to do so. I rested my face on the marble floor as I heard her silent cries echo through my ear drums.

I blinked harshly to myself as I sprung back to my hospital room. I looked over at Harry and Liam and saw the terror in their eyes.

“Louis?” Liam asked. His voice cracked as he spoke.

“Yeah?” I said in a hoarse voice, rubbing my eyes.

“What just happened?” Liam shot up. Horror washed over his eyes as he looked slightly frightened.

“Nothing,” I said in a small whisper.

“Nothing!” Harry shrieked with his arms in the open air.

This time he stood up and started to shout louder, “What in the bloody hell is nothing in your definition? A minute ago you looked like you were about to pass out!”

A feeling inside of me feared he would do something more drastic. His beat eyes spoke for its own as he hollered at me. I pursed my lips and fought back the tears.

Liam placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder and pushed him a few steps away from me. Liam then pulled Harry the farthest away from me and to a close corner.

“Harry,” Liam said in a soft voice, “Calm your self, lad.”

I looked down onto my lap, afraid to watch them. Their voices carried as they started to lower it down.

“He’s one of my best friends!” Harry practically shouted, “I’m not going to watch him hurt like that.”

“I don’t want to see him hurt as well,” Liam said in the same small voice of his. He paused and sighed, “But it doesn’t help when you yell at him when he knows he’s struggling.”

I heard footsteps come nearer as my head stayed down. The corner of my eyes were moist and I bleakly whipped them away.

“Lou?” Harry whispered as they came near me again. I looked up and watched as he sat down the corner of my bed.

“I’m sorry–“ He started but I cut him off.

“I don’t want you to apologize,” I said. What looked like he wanted to say more, I quickly spoke again, “I know why you acted like that. I understand lad.”

Before I could say anything else, Harry gripped me into a tight hug.