Reckless

Louisa

Matt O'Grady's blank stare had been plastered on his face for the last twenty seconds. I turned to see Dan in the doorway, wearing a similar expression.

"So?"

Matt's expression didn't change. "I mean..."

I nodded. "You don't like it?"

"No!" He shook his head quickly. "I do like it. It's one of the strongest bits you've written so far, to be honest. But are you sure you want to say all that stuff?"

It was my turn to wear a blank stare.

"What do you mean?"

"It's got that Hold Me Down angst. I haven't seen it since Han-"

I stopped him. "Well it's not about her."

Dan laughed at the doorway, his face buried in his phone but a dumb smile on his face. I turned along with Matt, not needing his sassy comments as much as I didn't need Matt to make a big deal about one stupid song.

"Funny pic, mate?"

Dan looked up. "What are you even doing?"

I wasn't sure what to say. I gripped the notebook tighter in my hands, like I was trying to move it away. There was nothing more that I hated more than the feeling of doubting myself, and that's what I felt right now.

He took a seat beside me on the couch and slid the notebook out of my grasp before I could object.

"Don't hold your breath, I'm not losing sleep over you," he read, skimming the page, "oh jesus Joshua. Your lust is a lie but it comes as no surprise. Time after time, you coast right past the line. Is this a joke? You don't mean a word of this."

I wanted to punch him. "I don't know what you're talking about," I spat as I grabbed the notebook back from his hands.

"For fuck's sake, quit being a girl about it and go talk to her."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Dan rolled his eyes. "I'm talking about Louisa, you twat."

I nodded slowly, not liking the sound of her name in the air. Dan hadn't quit about her since I'd gotten home a few days ago, feeling like a wreck, and sat out on the porch all night. These words were a product of that, and looking back at them, they made me sick. Dan was right: I didn't mean these words at all. But I wasn't about to admit that.

"She's old news, mate."

Dan shook his head. "She called you five times yesterday."

Matt whistled and Dan pointed at him, smiling.

"Just let her explain-"

"I don't want to know what she has to say-"

"It can't hurt."

"BUT IT CAN." I yelled, looking over at Dan as my hands rolled into fists. "I'm tired of putting myself on the line and ending up hurt. It's not worth it."

Dan nodded. "So Louie isn't worth it?"

I paused, looking away from him and sighing. Louie was everything right now. By trying not to think about her, I obviously had. And as much as I wanted to hate her, I couldn't. That dinner wasn't her fault, not really. Even if it was, I didn't want it to be.

"Do you love her?"

I couldn't speak. I nodded slowly.

Dan patted me on the shoulder. "Go get her."

It took a total of ten seconds to run out of the studio, grab my coat, and get down the stairs to the lobby. It took five seconds to grab a taxi, and a breathless two to get out the address of her house. And then I looked out the window, got a grip of my out of beat heart, and tried to program something to say. The street was so busy, and it was raining pretty hard.

No words came to mind.

The main street was so busy, it was hard to think. Soon we came up on my hotel. With a quick glance through the downpour, I saw blonde hair under a green umbrella.

I looked back quickly, my hand hitting the door.

"STOP."

The driver stopped in the middle of the road as I through a twenty into the front seat and ran out of the cab, a series of honks flooding the air behind me.

My eyes were focused on that green umbrella, that small stature standing in the doorway of the hotel out of the rain. She didn't see me, but all I could see was her. My heart was beating out of my chest at the idea: she had been waiting for me.

And I'd been waiting for her.

"Can I help you?"

The rain was soaking my hair as she turned around, a smile growing on her lips as I took a step forward and her body melted into mine, our lips crashing onto one another as I held her up under the hotel doorway awning.

Her hands held tightly onto my collar, my face wet from the rain.

"I've been here all day." She choked out.

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

Louie smiled, shaking her head as our noses touched with each motion. "Don't be."

I smiled, kissing her again as her back hit the brick wall behind her. I'm sure the people walking by were either disgusted or awe: of which I neither cared nor knew. All that mattered was that I had Louisa now.

Nothing was going to change that.

We stumbled inside and to the elevator, where Louisa held my side as I brushed my hand under the small back of her shirt. Louisa didn't look up, but I could tell there was a smile on her face as hers brushed the hem of my jeans, pulling me towards the door of the elevator as it opened with a ding.

Quickly I smiled, grabbing her hips and pressing her against the wall beside my door as the elevator closed behind us. Before she could say anything I pressed my lips against hers and she moved her body into mine.

Slowly, I felt that stupid song shredding in my mind.

I didn't mean it. I meant all of this.