Secrets

I am still giggling from how Harry and Louis acted on the bus this morning. They were just so freaking crazy and I haven’t laughed this much since the beginning of junior year.

“Molly, are you okay? You have been laughing for almost three hours now. I think you can stop. It is creeping me out.” Liam says, staring at me.

“Oh shush. It is not every day that you see your boyfriend have a bromance moment right in front of you. It was so funny.” I try to stop laughing and it finally works. I take a sip of my chocolate shake as we were eating lunch.

Harry slips his arm around me and pulls me into his side. “Well, don’t get too used to it love. It won’t happen very often.” As Harry places a kiss on my forehead, I swear I see Louis give harry puppy dog eyes.

“Louis, I swear if you don’t stop staring at my boyfriend like that, I will murder you in your sleep. He’s mine.” I say, wrapping my arms around Harry’s middle.

“Woah. Molly, are you okay? That doesn’t sound like you.” Niall says, glancing at me like I might yell at him too.

I close my eyes to try to hold back my feeling but all I see when I close them is everything my brother did to me. I take a deep breath and open my eyes. “I’m sorry. I will just go wait in the bus.” I get up and run to the bus before the tears could fall. I run to my bunk and let the tears fall. Ever since what happened with my brother every now and then I would slip into these aggressive moods. And Niall was right. It wasn’t me. It was the girl that was present while my brother hurt me time and time again after our parents and Kiley. I tried to keep her at bay but sometimes she would slip out and all those hurt feeling that I have kept inside me explode out and I guess this time it was at Louis.

“Molly?” I hear someone whisper. I lift my head off of my pillow to see Harry standing there.

“Go away. I don’t want you to see me like this.” I say, placing my head back in my pillow. I feel Harry sit on the bed next to me.

“No. I am not going. What happened back there?” Harry asks, his hand rubbing circles on my back.

I take a deep breath then grab my notebook with all of my notes for Kiley. I flip to the one I wrote right before the end of junior year and I show it to Harry. As he reads it, I feel the hand that is still on my back start to shake with rage. Once he finishes he throws the book on the ground.

“Your brother did WHAT to you?” Harry says disbelief in his voice.

“Everything in that notebook is one hundred percent true. Everything that I said he did to me, he did to me. Sometimes when I wake up, I still feel like there are huge bruises on my arms from where he threw me around. And then that other time…” I shiver, trying not to remember it but it slips through the cracks. How dare he think that he could touch me like that? I was his sister for crying out loud not his girlfriend but he still did it. When I woke up the next morning my whole body ached and it was worse than when he threw me down the stairs. After that I left and I was so lucky that I didn’t get pregnant from him because I wouldn’t have known what to do.

“Oh, Molly, I am so sorry. But why would he do that to you?” Harry says, still confused about the situation.

“He blamed me for what happened to our family. For the first month and a half, he was really sweet. He would let me stay home and cry into his shoulder, would remind me that it was not my fault when I rambled on about it, and he would calm me down when I woke up screaming from nightmares about the accident. But after that he bumped into Marcus one day and that was all it took to convince him that our parents’ and sister’s deaths were my fault. And even now sometimes that girl that I used to be slips out and tries to attack people to make them feel like I did. I didn’t mean what I said to Louis at all. That was her. She slips out when I least expect it and hurts the people I love. This is the first time it has happened since I met you. I thought it was finally over. But I was wrong.” I am sobbing by this point and am speaking in whispers. I hurl myself into Harry’s chest and sob out the knot in my chest. Now he knows everything. He is the first person to know everything let alone read what was in the notebook that I had for Kiley.

Harry pulls me tight against his chest and lets me ruin his shirt with salt water. “Louis is not upset. He is worried about you though. All of the guys are. They know you are not like how you acted and they were surprised at how you changed. They will forgive you. Do you want them to know why?”

“No! I don’t want them knowing. If they knew, they wouldn’t look at me the same way again.”

“Then why did you tell me?”

“I trust you Harry. I trust you more than anyone I have ever known. You are the first person I have told everything to. I haven’t even told my aunt everything, only bits and pieces. I wouldn’t be upset if you wanted to leave me now, knowing how broken I really am.” I say, wrapping my arms around him.

“Are you kidding? I could never leave you and besides, now I know you need me more than ever. With everything you have been through, you need someone who loves you for who you are to be there for you when you need them most.”

I stare up into his eyes. “You love me?”

“I do. I really truly do.”

“That’s good because I love you too Harry.” I kiss his lips and wrap my arms around his neck. We kiss for a few minutes then he pulls away.

“Come on. Let’s go play video games for a while. Maybe this time you can beat Liam at racing.”

I laugh. “Daddy direction is going down.”