Keep Me On My Toes

The next morning I woke up early, hoping to escape any of the band after they all presumed Josh said that about me I guessed.

‘Wait… Siana,’ I heard from the sofa as I NEARLY made it out.

‘Yeah, Max?’ I asked gently, not wanting to wake up anyone else while I was at it.

‘What happened with you and Josh? You were starting to be really good friends and you got on so well… Even I don’t know what properly happened. Then that little speech he made…’ I felt sorry for Max, he obviously felt uncomfortable talking about things like this.

‘We just had a minor disagreement which Josh decided to make major,’ I said even more quietly than before. I was so confident telling him I trusted Alex, after a DAY of knowing him. Josh had known him for years… how stupid was I? ‘But… it was my fault as well. I should’ve listened to Josh and it wouldn’t have been a problem.’

‘He wants to fix things with you, you know. Now he’s calmed down. I know he liked being your friend… I’m not saying this stupidly but he actually doesn’t have that many friends. He’s kind of hard to get on with, and no one gets his humour,’ Max chuckled with a little smile.

This made me smile as well, before saying,’ I want to talk to him but I don’t want to argue… We’re both super explosive people.’

‘Just give him a chance… I’m sure he didn’t mean it,’

I thought back to our conversation, and him saying he didn’t want to ‘pick up the pieces’ when Alex cheated on me… He’d talked about pride stopping him yesterday, but I had the same problem. ‘I’ll talk when he talks to me.’

‘What’s going on? Max, I told you not to get involved!’ I heard from behind us.

‘I’m sorry… I was trying to make it better. Whatever you did it was fucking stupid, mate!’ Max said to a semi-confused Josh.

‘Don’t blame Max. We were just talking about me not seeing you guys any more. And if you’re wondering I’m here because you were right. Alex did use me and cheated on me so I hope you’re happy.’ I had tears in my eyes, so I looked down. I didn’t want Josh’s sympathy.

‘I didn’t mean it… I knew it would happen but I shouldn’t have pushed it…’ Josh said, unsure of where we stood.

‘Yeah well you said you weren’t going to be here to pick up the pieces and maybe I don’t want you to. I don’t want your pity either.’

I know I’d said to Max I’d talk to him when he talked to me, which was exactly what was happening, but he’d gone back on what he’d said. I know that doesn’t make sense but I’m a female ok, nothing I think makes sense!

I walked off the bus, back to All Time Low’s. I planned to get my shit and head home.

No one was up the front of the bus, but as I got to the back I heard yelling. I knew it was Alex’s voice and who I presumed was Lisa, unless he’d gotten another girl in the tiny space of time since I’d seen him last.

I walked into where they could see me, and ignored them, going about finding my things. I’d barely unpacked so it was pretty easy to find everything that I had taken out my bag.

‘Hey Lisa. Hey Alex.’ I said, finally looking up when I was done.

Lisa was wearing a slightly guilty look on her face, but the majority of both their expressions were shocked. I knew my face and voice were both emotionless- I wasn’t going to let either of them gain anything from this.

‘Look… Siana… it’s not what it looks like at all. Where are you going? Don’t leave it’ll ruin your first Reading festival!’

That was when I properly looked at them for the first time, both in underwear with hair extremely bedraggled. That was also the point in time I noticed all the band and crew weren’t here. They must’ve known this was coming.

‘I know exactly what happened. I walked in on you both naked and sleeping yesterday. Whatever.’

‘So… we’re ok?’ Alex asked, doubtfully.

‘I’m sorry… I didn’t realise he had a girlfriend until I saw your things this morning!’ Lisa said completely honestly. This wasn’t her fault.

‘No, don’t worry about it. It’s fine,’ I said with a quick small smile to her. ‘And no. I’m going home, Alex.’

I walked off the bus with my head held high, walking until I was out of sight. I’d unconsciously walked towards the car park but then noticed I had no way to get home as my phone was out of charge. Fabulous. Can one more thing go wrong for me?

It was then that everything hit me. Alex Gaskarth had cheated on me; Josh Franceschi was trying to get me back as his friend. Max Helyer was giving me advice, my friend was DATING Max Helyer… all these things were stuff that dreams were made of, yet this was one of the most stressful months of my life. Did I really want any of this? I wasn’t too sure.

The only normal person in this whole scenario walked over to me then, and right then he was my saviour. I have never felt as glad toward someone as I did right then toward Edward Thomas. He looked at my tear stained face, picked me up from where I was sitting on the floor beside the entrance and hugged me. It was what I needed right now.

‘Edward, I just want to go home,’ I sobbed into his shoulder. After everything feeling so hard it was nice to have someone really care and be nice.

‘Ok. Come on let’s get in my car, I’ll get Matt to look after the Cheer Up stand,’ he said into my hair.

He took me to his car, giving me his phone to explain to Francesca vaguely what had happened, promising her details when I next saw her, and settled into my seat for the quick journey to my house. No one was in so I hugged Edward for a long time, and slowly let myself in, leaving my things in the living room and going up to shower then chill in bed.

I couldn’t settle though, thoughts of my current life whizzing round my head. I came to the conclusion that no, I didn’t want any of this.