Keep Me On My Toes

It was 3 months today. 3 months since I'd last spoken to Chess, 3 months since I last talked to Josh and 3 months since I'd last spoken to Alex. It was... Different. I felt like the time I'd known the boys had been a lot longer than the few months it was. I had moments where I nearly called Josh- he'd stopped calling after the first week- but I held strong. I missed him but things has really gotten me down while I was involved with all that.

My birthday was in a few days. I was finally turning 18. I didn't know what to ask for, so I just asked for money. I had everything I need. I secretly wanted a card from Josh, just to know he cared but I didn't suppose I'd be getting one.i wanted so badly to never listen to his music again (as did I with All Time Low) but I couldn't. When something's been with you for over 5 years and saved you from yourself so many times its impossible just to forget it because of a bizarre personal experience.

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14th October. Finally it was my birthday! I hadn't got a card from Josh, as expected, but I did get one from Francesca telling me about what's been happening with her. I sort of lost her when I was trying to move on but I knew I wanted her back. I'd already lost her once when I moved schools. I hadn't told anyone else about my whole thing with Josh and Alex... I wasn't something I wanted people to know; they're cruel, I would've been teased.

Present-wise, I got what I wanted. A big wad of money and a few little knick-knacks along with a few joke presents from my friends. I wasn't having a party or going out for it since I was the first one to turn 18, so I was having a few friends over to stay the night. Phoebe and Claudia turned up in the late afternoon, bearing presents and big smiles.

I opened the presents straight away, getting a tee shirt from both of them, a box of pampering gifts from Claudia and an envelope from Phoebe. I openness it, curious what was I inside. I pulled out tickets and a grin came to my face- gig tickets were the best present a person could buy for me. But that smile dropped pretty quick when I saw who they were for. In two months I'd be seeing You Me At Six.

I plastered a fake smile on, pretending to be ridiculously happy with my gifts. I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I knew this would bring back a lot of memories. She wasn't to know though, so I kept quiet and enjoyed the rest of my night.

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A few days later, the thought of seeing Josh was flying around my head non-stop. I know I may have over-reacted a little, but it was really really difficult at the time. I needed to make peace with him, even if he didn't want to be my friend again. I needed to make it up to him somehow, and I know I needed to be okay with him so I don't lose Chess again... She's will with Max and if her friends and his friends hated each other it would be horrendous.

I swallowed my pride and did the only thing I could think of.

To: JOSH
From: SIANA

Hey, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to meet up? I have a lot to say...