Don't You Ever Forget About Me.

I was still ill, but I was doing alright on my own now. But at nights it was the hardest, the cold shivers made me sleepless and every morning I had big and dark bags under my eyes. I covered them up with make up if anybody was planned to come over for dinner or what. I still wasn't eating a lot, every time I tried I eventually just puked it up after an hour. And that's where I was right now. Shaking with tears in my eyes hugging my legs in front of the white porslin toilet. I wish Andy was here again. I missed him so much, but I only missed him as a friend... or maybe more. I wanted to cuddle next to him and maybe plant a kiss on his cheek, but nothing more.
I felt sick to think I wasn't feeling the way I used to. I finally found a boy who loved me for the person I truly was and what did I have to do? Fall out of love with him. Why though? Sometimes I think my mind is just trying to fuck with me. I suddenly heard my phone in the kitchen playing the ringtone I've set fr Andy. I rushed back to pick up, ignoring the vomit wanting to come out. I swallowed hard and pressed the green phone to hear his voice again.
"Hey" I said and covered my mouth to get rid of the harsh breath. What was going on with me? One second I feel sick think of Andy, the next I feel those damn butterflies again twirling around in my stomach.

We talked for about an hour, just rambling about everything and nothing. It made me realize I really missed him so much.
"I miss you Andy" I sighed and laughed. It was like his voice made me calm inside, making everything alright again.
"I miss you too honey, one week left only. Soon I'll be there again beside you, be prepared to get crushed with a huge hug from me and Kyle" he said and we both laughed. "But, I hate to say it but I have to go now, show time" he sighed and I bit my lip. I missed everything about him, his smile, his laughter, his goofiness, his kisses to me, his hugs.
"Play a good show, show the kids who's the boss" I laughed and sighed quietly. Silently tears started to fall down my cheeks, waiting for Andy to hang up.
"Goodbye Nix, I love you" he said and hung up, probably stressed by the other guys I had heard in the background calling for him. My breath got caught in my lungs when his voice disappeared and the tears came faster and in bigger scaled down my face making it burn. This can't be healthy for me, this can't be good for me, and it can't be good for Andy. I could hear it on his voice, he was different as well. What if he felt the same? With that horrible thought I went into the bathroom on shaky legs. I got undressed throwing everything onto the pile of clothes laying in the "washing basket".

The water felt so clean and refreshing against my burning cheeks. But after awhile, thinking about Andy again without his voice creeping it's way into my ear, made me cry again. I hope this just goes away when he comes back home. But I can't keep going insane asfast as he's not around, what kind of relationship will we have then? I would be that annoying clingy girlfriend never letting him go outside, never letting him see anyone without me cause I would fall apart then.

I showered for over an hour just standing there, not doing anything to my mess of a hair or anything. I dried myself up, got dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a knitted hoodie and sat down in the sofa wrapped up in several blankets with my favorite movie It's Kind Of A Funny Story playing. I woke up the next day to a sun shining right through the window, for once bringing a smile to my face.