Z

I heard a bunch of moving, and sat up from my bunk. Their voices were muffled and I knew they were taking Randall out. Wither they killed him or just took him somewhere; I didn’t know. I stepped out of the tent I shared with Rose just in time to see them escorting the prisoner to a car, a blindfold on him.

“Be careful, Shane,” Shane paused and looked back at me, leaving Rick to handle Randall’s thrashing to be free. I looked over to Rick and smiled politely. “You too Rick, come back us.”

I looked at Shane one last time before he went back to putting Randall in the trunk. I sighed at this whole situation. And here I was thinking that we were only fighting off zombies, but the hate between men never went away.

I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I got a head start on my chores. Everyone was still sleeping that I knew of, so I worked quietly. The next person didn’t wake up until a couple hours later, and it was Andrea. She resumed lookout on top of the RV, even after everyone was still wary about her being behind a gun. I didn’t trust her as much as I use to, but I had to remind myself that people make mistakes, even if it could cost someone their lives.

After I washed and hung my share of the clothes I moved on to scouting for wild berries. My sweet tooth has been driving me crazy lately, and sweets were hard to come by lately. I didn’t really feel like risking my life for a candy bar, I was having a hard enough time getting things I actually needed.

Everyone was up by now, it’s been a few hours since Rick and Shane left with Randall; I just hoped they were okay. I tracked down Rose and found her inside cleaning up.

“Hey Rose?” She turned around from the sink, a dish rag in her hands. “I’m going into the woods, I’m going to find some berries.”

“Be safe,” I nodded at her.

I haven’t really been out in the woods by myself since we came upon the farm. Rose or Shane had always accompanied me, but I was alone before I met Rose, and I was sure I’d be fine. I made sure I had my machete before I ventured outside and to the edge of the farm.



I wasn’t sure how long I was out there, but I wasn’t finding any luck. The sun was high in the sky, and I wiped at my brow to remove all the sweat before it could drip into my eyes. I pulled my hair off of my neck and sighed when a cool breeze blew through the trees.

I was enjoying the peace for once. I knew it wasn’t entirely safe out here – especially by myself – but it didn’t bother me. I had forgotten how much I needed to just get away; if only for a little while. I think they last time I saw a walker was a few weeks ago. I walked a little farther out that I’ve usually been, and noticed some berries a few feet away.

“Beth,” I turned around, looking in every direction but I couldn’t see anyone. I was wondering if I had imagined it when I heard it again.

My hand hovered over my machete, which was attached to my hip. There was crunching of leaves, like someone was walking towards me. I unlatched the machete’s harness, but sighed in relief when Shane came into view.

“There you are,” He smiled, and I placed the latch back on the harness. “I’ve been looking for you,”

“Have you now?” I laughed before closing the distance and hugged him. Once I realized what I was doing, I pulled away and cleared my throat. “Glad you’re back. So… what did you do with, you know, Randall?”

“We… dropped him off,” He broke eye contact and started messing with something on the ground with his shoe. I nodded acceptingly. I felt like he wasn’t telling me everything by the way he wouldn’t look at me, but I didn’t push it. “There was an abandoned field off of the highway about thirty miles for here, and we left him there.”

I placed my hand on his cheek and pulled his face towards me so that he could look at me. “Is everything okay, Shane? Did something happen with Rick?”

He sighed, trying to look at anything but me. “If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone?”

“Yes, I promise. What happened?”

“I shot Randall,” He then looked at me. I took a step back out of surprise, but I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. “I just couldn’t let him live knowing that there was a possibility of him finding his group and putting our lives in danger.”

I looked at him with wide eyes, trying to process his confession.

“Remember not to tell anyone,” I nodded automatically. “It’s just that Rick is going to tell everyone we let him go, and everyone already looks at me like I’m some sort of monster.”

“You are not a monster. You’re caring and loyal and you’re risking your life every day trying to keep this group safe.”

Before I knew what was happening, Shane stepped closer to me and wrapped his hands around my waist to pull us together. His lips met mine in a kiss, a little sloppy and forced, but I liked it. It took everything in me not to give in and kiss him back; instead I put my hand on his chest to push him away.

“I… I, uhm,” I tried to justify pushing him away but I just couldn't form the words. Shane steps back and rubs the back of his neck nervously.

“I’ll be at camp, see ya at dinner.” He walks off before I have a chance to say anything and I felt awful. I stand alone in the woods for a few moments to collect myself before I walk back towards the farm. It’s been almost three years since I lost my husband, and eight years since I’ve dated, but I even knew I handled it badly.

Once I was back at camp, I caught a glimpse of Shane going into his tent before I spotted Rose standing off by the RV talking to Dale and Glenn. I walked up to them, smiling politely before gaining Rose’s attention.

“Can I speak with you for a moment?” Once I knew we were far enough away that no one would hear us, I sighed. “Shane kissed me,”

Her eyebrows rose in surprise "what did you do?"

"I wanted to kiss him back, but I pushed him away."

"Why?" Rose look back over her shoulder at Shane's new tent, "Didn't like it?"

"No, I did." I look down at my hands, focusing on my old wedding ring. “I feel guilty for liking it."

"He's gone," She said quietly, giving me a sad half smile, "I know it's hard, but if you can find any happiness in this whole situation, don't turn it away."

I sighed, "Besides, I think there is something going on between him and Lori and if there is, I don't want to get in between that. There is enough going on in the world without adding a fuckin' love triangle to it."

"Lori is married," Rose said, leaning forward, "To Rick. If she's sneakin' around on him," I sigh, "That's messed up. Cheating on someone is bad enough, but like this? Ask him." I noticed her following something behind me. "Just find out, and if it's not and she's just being crazy, ignore it."

“You’re the best, thank you.” I hugged her causing her to laugh loudly. I pulled back and looked around the farm.

The sun was starting to set in the distance and the sky was turning a pretty purple as it mixed with all the blue and pinks in the clouds. I knew we’d be having dinner soon, and I was growing nervous about talking to Shane. I didn’t know if I was ready for this or not, but I knew the chance will probably never present itself again.



“Hey, Shane?” I caught his attention before he could get up and walk away. Everyone else cleared the fire pit, going about their own business. I was glad people could take a hint. It didn’t escape me when Lori looked back, a curious look on her face. “Can we talk for a second?”

He nodded and sat down beside me. “I think we should talk about earlier,”

“I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have kissed you, but I-”

I giggled before placing a hand on top of his to cut him off. “I liked it,”

“Wait,” He smiled at me. “Really?”

“Yeah,” I inhaled deeply before I let it out slowly, building up as much courage as I could. “it’s just that, I used to be married and I had a son and I know it’s been a while since then, but with everyone going on, I never had the time to process what happened. I… I just, am sorry if I gave you the wrong impression back in the woods.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your loses.” He looked torn. “It’s just that, I really feel a connection with you, something I haven’t felt in a long time.”

“I know what you mean,” I tucked some loose hair behind my ear before looking up at him, letting the fire create shadows across his face. “But there is something else I need to talk to you about, and I mean, you don’t have to tell me anything because it’s really none of my business, but if there is something there between us, I’ve got to know.”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What is it?”

“Is there something going on between you and Lori?”

He moved his hand out from under mind and scratched his head with it. There was a nervous smile on his face, and he took the moment to think over his words. I waited anxiously for his answer, hoping his words would put my suspicions to ease.

“There used to be,” He admitted and my shoulders slumped in disappointment. “Back when this” – he gestured around us with his hands – “all started, Rick was in the hospital in a coma when they were evacuating everyone. I didn’t think he was going to make it, ya’ know? Anyways, I left before anyone could come in and see, and blocked his door with a couple of machines stranded in the hall. At first I was just looking out for Lori and Carl, because Rick is my best friend, and I’d do anything for him and his family.

“But after a while, we started messing around. I’m not going into detail about it, because I know you don’t want to hear it, but for a while there, there was something going on; and when Rick showed up one day, Lori lost it. She didn’t want anything to do with me, ya’ know? I guess I don’t blame her, but I still think a part of her still cares. I’m sorry, I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.”

I smiled appreciatively. “So there is nothing going on between you guys now?”

“Nope, She’s got her family back.”

“Good, now I can do this.” I saw the question he was about to ask in his eyes, when I leaned in and pressed my lips to his in a kiss. I could tell he was taken off guard, but he didn’t waste any time kissing back. I smiled into the kiss before pulling away. Shane wasn’t finished, and I was brought back in with his hand on the back of my head, threading his fingers through my tangled hair.

I was glad I took Rose’s advice, and shoved down the guilt that was threatening to come back. Rose was right on two counts: one, in this crazy world, you needed to act upon anything that will bring you happiness; and two, my husband is gone, and he’s never coming back and the sooner I accept that for what it is, the faster I can start moving on.