Something to Remember

SARAH:

“Wait, so let me get this straight, Jeremy coincidentally paired you with the one band on this entire earth that John O’Callaghan sings for?”

I was silent and Zac let out a sound of disbelief.

“You have the worst luck ever,” he said and I could literally feel him shaking his head through the phone.

I laughed without humor and sighed.

“Believe me, I know. Sometimes I feel like Karma is just a big, mean bitch who enjoys screwing with my life,” I said quietly.

I looked out the kitchen window and watched John as he stared into his drink. He looked like hell, but I couldn’t exactly say I was any better.

“Well if that’s true, then you’re pretty much doomed. Maybe I should stay away from you,” he said teasingly and, even though I was feeling totally frazzled, it made me snicker.

“By now, you’re already waist deep buddy,” I said and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. I could always count on the guys to have a steady supply.

Once I screwed off the cap and threw it away, I leaned back against the counter and took a long sip, waiting for Zac’s response.

“Don’t worry Hollywood, I’m not going anywhere… unless you want me to fly out there and kick John’s ass for you,” he said and I smiled. If only it were that simply solved.

“Maybe later, I need The Maine to be fully intact or else there won’t be a tour at all,” I said.

“Are you sure no tour isn’t the better option?”

“Yes, I’m sure! This is the biggest thing that has ever potentially happened to me. I’m not gonna give John the satisfaction of ruining another aspect of my life.” I laughed shakily after the last part and I heard Zac groan sympathetically. I knew I had to change the direction this conversation was taking or else it would end with me in tears.

“So, what was so important that you haven’t been able to talk these past two days, hmm?” I asked him jokingly. His answer wasn’t what I had expected it to be.

“I had to bail my brother out of jail. My stupid phone died and I forgot the chord at home so I couldn’t even charge it,” he said in a more subdued tone.

“I’m sorry, Zac. I didn’t know you even had a brother,” I said, trying not to pry.

“Yeah, that’s because I wish I didn’t. He’s not exactly the kind of big bro somebody would want.”

I got the feeling that he didn’t want to talk about it so I let the topic go.

We were comfortably silent for a couple minutes before I reluctantly decided I had to hang up.

“Well, I gotta go. It’s time to go hang out on Pat’s back porch and pretend like I’m completely cool, despite the fact that I’m about two seconds away from ripping my damn hair out,” I told him.

He was quiet for a few more moments before answering me.

“You’re amazing,” he finally said and I felt my cheeks start burning.

“No, I’m really not.”

“Yes, you really are Sarah. No matter what life throws at you, you get back up. I know from personal experience how difficult that is, yet you continuously do it all by yourself. There isn’t anyone else in the world I look up to more than you because of that. I know I’m not really good at this mushy stuff, but if you ever need to talk, I will always be here. You deserve at least that much from somebody in your life,” he said and my eyes started to burn. So much for not crying. It took me time before I could answer.

“That is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.”

I tried to say more but my throat had closed off, so I just stood in silence, crying.

“I’m sorry for making you cry, but I just needed to let you know. Now, go out and make those guys realize how lucky they are to know you,” he said and I breathed out a long breath.

“God, I love you Zac. I’ll call you later,” I said, knowing that if he kept on treating me like he was, I may one day get over John and fall for him instead.

“Love you too, kid. Talk to you soon,” he replied before hanging up.

I shoved the phone back into my pocket and used the palm of my hands to wipe my eyes. In search for the tissue box, I turned around.

John stood in the doorway, twisting the ring on his finger and staring at the ground. I wasn’t sure when he had gotten there, but I knew he had at least heard me tell Zac I loved him. Well good, let him think I had found someone else.

“Hello, John.” After I said it, I realized I had said those two words before, beside a tour bus.

He looked up at me and when his eyes met mine, I felt my heart break a little more. John looked completely crushed.

“I know it’s probably none of my business anymore, but I’m happy for you. You deserve someone that will take care of you,” he said softly. I wiped my face with my hands before turning away from him.

I couldn’t take this.

I walked around him and outside, not caring that everyone would see that I had been crying. As usual, he didn’t follow me.

When the rest of the guys saw my face as I walked out the door though, they fell silent.

“Dammit, John-” I heard Jared start to curse to himself, but I just shook my head.

“It wasn’t John,” I said and took my spot between Ryan and Jack. After a couple seconds they all returned to their previous conversations, attempting to lessen the awkwardness.

Jack rubbed my back before leaning in to whisper to me.

“You good?” he asked gently. I nodded and he gave me a small smile, which I did my best to return.

“Ya know, Garrett was just telling me he saw the video of our big win at the airport yesterday,” he
said, louder so the others would hear, and I laughed.

“I also saw Ryan fall and, as much as I hate to say it, that was much more entertaining. It was a pretty sweet wipeout, dude,” Garrett replied, while turning to Ryan.

I watched as the two fist-pounded and rolled my eyes. Kennedy, who had remained mostly silent the whole time, made eye contact with me and smirked. I shook my head at him.

“So Sarah, Tyler said you’ve got some mad pipes; we don’t really believe it,” he spoke up over everyone else while crossing his arms.

“Well, I am going to be on tour with you guys for three months, so I guess you will find out soon enough,” I said before mimicking him and crossing my arm too, at which point Pat decided to challenge me also.

“I don’t know, I think we should be convinced of your skill before we allow you to perform at our shows,” he told me.

The guys in my band were finding the whole conversation very comical and the look on my face after Pat’s comment sent them off even more.

“Ooooo, Sarah! You gonna sit here and take that?” Ryan said, elbowing me in the side. I shot him a glare before standing up.

“Fine. Somebody needs to get me a stupid guitar,” I grumbled and Jared ran inside to quickly grab me one. When he returned, I took a seat on the stool Garrett had insisted I sit on and played a few chords.

“Wait, we need to make this official; I want to go get a microphone and amp, be right back!” Pat hurriedly ran inside and then set me up in his back yard with all the equipment. Once he was finished, I tested the volume of everything before returning my attention to the guys

“I don’t know what to play,” I said, looking at Jack, Ryan, Kyle, and Tyler for help. Kyle immediately spoke up.

“Remember in the hotel yesterday when you did that cover of All Time Low’s ‘Therapy’? That was seriously good, you should play that,” he suggested eagerly, but I grimaced.

“I don’t know, Kyle… That’s still pretty rough,” I said.

“No way, play it. Now. Your emotion sends it over the edge,” he assured me and I finally gave in.

“Fine.”

I heard John come out of the house and take a seat as I began to play, but I ignored him. Everyone had fallen silent, so I knew they were focused on me.

My fingers glided over the strings and I closed my eyes, just listening to the tune I was playing as it came out of the speaker. This song meant more to me than anything I could ever write myself. It was what got me through all the hard times in my past.

I shifted forward so I could reach the microphone and started to sing, keeping my eyes lowered.

“My ship went down,
In a sea of sound.
When I woke up alone I had everything.
A handful of moments I wish I could change,
And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade.
In a city of fools I was careful and cool,
But they tore me apart like a hurricane.
A handful of moments I wish I could change,
But I was carried away…”

As I reached the chorus, I could feel my eyes watering. It seemed as though I was always crying anymore, but as I sang each word, I couldn’t stop my own reaction. The song voiced my feelings better than I ever could.

“Give me therapy,
I’m a walking travesty,
But I’m smiling at everything.
Therapy,
You were never a friend to me,
And you can keep all your misery.”

As I played the guitar between verses, I looked up. For some reason, my eyes automatically found John’s so I stared at him while he cried silently and watched me play. Like always, we were on the same wavelength and he realized how much every word meant to me.

When I felt something wet hit my hand, I looked down to find a small tear sliding down my skin. Soon, they began dripping from my face more rapidly and I had to blink to see clearly.

“My lungs gave out,
As I faced the crowd.
I think that keeping this up could be dangerous.
I’m flesh and bone,
I’m a Rolling fucking Stone,
And the experts say I’m delirious.”

This time, when I reached the chorus, I made eye contact with everyone. They all seemed to be touched by my performance and I tried to smile through my tears. After a moment, I tilted my head up to look at the sky. It felt good to be expressing the things I had never been able to say before.

I finished the last verse and slowly ended the song. I took a deep, unsteady breath. I wiped the tears off my face and looked up at my audience, the majority of their eyes suspiciously red and watery.
Finally, I rested my gaze on John and he gave me a tiny nod, trying to tell me he understood. The problem was he didn’t, not completely. None of these people I had just poured my heart out to had any idea that both my parents were dead.

I blinked a few times before speaking up. I needed to get the truth off my chest.

“About half a year ago, I got a call from the hospital at four in the morning on my birthday. My parents had run out in the middle of the night to get me a cake like they did every year. It was our tradition; they’d show up at my door bright and early so we could celebrate over breakfast. But that day, the hospital called to tell me that they were in a really bad accident. I asked the man on the phone how they were but he didn’t answer me. Eventually, I realized what he was saying. He apologized to me before hanging up. As morbid as it is, the first thing that crossed my mind was the Happy Birthday Song. ”

There was a stunned silence and I paused before continuing.

“My had parents died getting me my birthday cake and I was left alone in New York. So, after I sorted out everything there, I flew here to Arizona to see Ilise. And go to a concert…” I looked up at John again.

His expression surprised me because although he looked sad, he looked seriously pissed too. It confused me. Slowly, he stood up.

“Fuck you, Sarah.” I felt my mouth open in shock and he started to walk towards me.

“All that time. All that time we were talking and telling each other how we felt, you never once mentioned this. I told you I loved you and you claimed you loved me too, but you never told me. And to make matters worse, at the slightest sign of difficulty, you ran away. Was that what you planned all along? Just get me to admit how I felt so you could leave me like I did you?” By that point, he was right in front of me.

I raised myself off the stool.

“You son of a bitch, John. Don’t pretend you know how I felt back then or feel now, because you don’t and never have.”

John grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the back door, ignoring my efforts to get away.

“Excuse us, everybody. We need to have a talk,” he said.

He guided me inside first and then slammed the door behind us.