Something to Remember

SARAH:

“You guys are mean.”

Kenny’s comment was entirely unconvincing considering he was laughing just as hard as Garrett, Jared, Ryan, and I. We all looked at each other and shrugged.

“I’m ok with that,” Jared smirked and I giggled again. John deserved what he was getting, considering it was twelve and he wasn’t up yet.

Garrett held open the curtain to his bunk while I tried my best to quietly squirt spray cheese (we had no whip cream) into his open palm. Jared and Ryan waited until I had sprayed a large pile before they started lightly poking his face with feathers from our pillow fight earlier in the morning. It took a couple minutes but John eventually started to react, scrunching his face up and turning his head. Since Jared and Ryan persisted though, he was forced to use other means and, sure enough, he used his hand full of spray cheese. It was just like the movies, only funnier since it was John.

The feeling of the cheese being spread across his face made John’s eyes fly open and he shot up, hitting his head on the top of the bunk.

“What the fuck?!” He looked at all of us in confusion with cheese all over his face and we laughed hysterically. He still looked totally sleepy and his dazed look made the whole thing even more comical. I leaned against Garrett while we both grabbed our stomachs, trying to breathe.

Wiping his face and staring at his hand, John eventually began to realize what had happened and looked up at us with a grin.

“That’s really funny, guys. Seriously, you got me. In fact, it’s so good I think I should give Sarah a big kiss in congratulations. Don’t you think?” He had begun to lean up towards me and I backed away until my back hit the opposite wall, shaking my head. John kept coming though so I started to run to the door of the bus, thankful that we were parked.

“What’s wrong Sarah? I thought you loved me?” I could hear John’s bare feet racing to catch me and I screamed while stumbling over my feet to get down the steps and outside. Thankfully, Tyler had heard us coming and opened the door for me, laughing as we both rushed by him.

“No John! Stop!” I glanced behind me just as his arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me towards his chest. He held me so my feet were off the pavement and I squealed between laughs.

Quickly turning me around, he pressed his mouth against mine and I cringed while he held my head firmly against his face. I tried to push against him, but as he continued to crush his lips to mine, I decided I no longer cared about the cheese.

I grabbed him by the hair and we continued to kiss, until we were interrupted when Jack hopped onto John’s back and he staggered a few steps to keep from falling.

“Hell yeah! I’m hungry, give me a cheesy kiss too, Sarah!” he shouted and I laughed. Leaning up towards him, I tilted my face to the side where a huge glob of it was about to drip off my cheek. Grinning, he used one hand to stable himself using John’s head and stuck out his tongue. I winced as I felt it touch my face and noticed John was staring at me in shock.

“Did you just let him lick that off your face?”

“Damn right she did. We’re a band Johnno, it’s what we do. There are no boundaries here and that means what’s hers is mine.” Jack grinned and winked at me before giving John a big smacking kiss on his cheek. I shook my head with a smile.

John seemed completely disturbed and I giggled at his disgusted expression. Suddenly though, he stopped worrying about that and made a face.

“My feet are fucking cold,” he moaned and quickly began to hurry towards the bus. Jack was still on his back, screaming “Mush!”, and I could hear my boyfriend grumbling about hypothermia. Laughing, I followed them. As I was about to get on though, I felt someone’s hand settle on my back and jumped about ten feet into the air.

“Jeeze, Sarah, you’re jumpy!” Zac laughed and I rolled my eyes before glaring at him.

“Maybe that’s because I didn’t hear you coming! Where were you anyway?” Zac showed me the bag of bagels in one hand and the donuts in the other. I smiled.

“Oh, you’re about to make plenty of new friends on this bus.” Zac laughed and shook his head.

“I had a feeling. Let’s pick ours out first before we give them to everybody else.”

As I reached into the bag for a cinnamon raisin bagel, I noticed Zac staring at me.

“So, um, is that cheese on your face?” he asked. I smirked at him and nodded.

“I don’t wanna know, do I?” I smirked at him again and shook my head.

“Fair enough.”

When I saw him reaching out to me from the corner of my eye though, I froze. He stepped closer and held one hand under my chin to wipe cheese off my face and onto his bagel with the other. He kept eye contact with me the entire time and I was suddenly feeling like there was nothing innocent about what he was doing.

I quickly turned around and stepped onto the bus, not sure what had changed about him since he had gotten here yesterday. All of a sudden, he was much more serious about stuff. He wasn’t himself.

John was waiting at the top of the steps for me and when I saw him notice the way Zac was still touching my back, his eyes seemed to flash. What the hell was going on? Zac was acting the opposite of his usual fun self and John was constantly stressed out whenever he was around. I had noticed the tension since they met yesterday but I had kinda assumed it would have faded by now. I was wrong.

“Hey babe, how are your feet?”” I wrapped my arms around John and peered up at him while resting my chin on his chest. He smiled at me, forgetting about my best friend, and kissed me with his newly cleaned face. He pulled away and cheese was all over his lips again. I giggled and he licked it off.

“So that’s what that feels like,” he grinned. “And to answer your question, my feet are fucking freezing thanks to you.”

“Well, amputation is always an option.” I looked at him innocently and he shook his head before leaning down to kiss me again. This time he took turns sucking on both my lips to get the cheese off them. I shivered and John used his hand on my lower back to pull me closer. When I heard Zac clear his throat behind me though, I quickly pulled away and looked at him. I could feel my face grow extremely hot.

“Can I talk to you for a minute, Sarah?” he looked at me with a strange expression on his face and I nodded.

“Sure what’s wrong?” Zac glanced at John behind me, who had his chest pressed against my back and his arms wrapped around my waist before looking back at me.

“In private?” I nodded and Zac led the way to the bathroom, the only place there wasn’t anybody. I felt John’s arms tighten around me as I went to follow so I turned to face him. He looked upset and I scrunched my eyebrows.

“What’s wrong?” He sighed and looked out the front of the bus before gazing back down at me with those brilliant hazel eyes.

“I’m not… I don’t have to worry right? About you and Zac?” he looked genuinely afraid and it broke my heart.

I reached up and placed my hand on his cheek.

“You have absolutely nothing to worry about, O’Callaghan. It has always been you and that will never change. Zac is just a good friend who is always there when I need him.”

I pecked him on the cheek and he relaxed, letting go of me. As I walked away to find Zac in the bathroom, I could’ve sworn he whispered something along the line of “Does he know that?” and it made me pause. What was he saying? That Zac liked me more than friends? That would explain all the weird behavior…

I entered the little room and Zac closed the door behind me. I looked at him.

“What’s up?” He crossed his arms and leaned against the shower stall.

“I need to tell you something important.”

***********

Sitting on the couch next to John was painful. Our interviewer was explaining to us what we should say for the promo, but I wasn’t listening and John could tell something was going on. He squeezed my hand and I squeezed his back, silently pleading for him to read my mind and make everything better. I had been avoiding him for the past three hours since I had talked in the bathroom with Zac and he knew it.

“Alright in three, two,” the interviewer held up a finger to mark one and then the two bands all started talking. I just sat still and pasted a fake smile on my face.

“Welcome to RockLive.com, we’re The Maine and we’re Through the Dark, and we’re coming to you live from San Francisco, California!” I noticed then that John hadn’t spoken either. He definitely was suspicious.

“Hi guys, I’m Liz and today I will be asking these two fabulous bands some of the questions you fans have sent in. They’re currently just several hours away from kicking off the first show of their fall tour and the lines are already impressive. So, first question. This one is for The Maine, what is your guy’s favorite food to eat on tour?” Liz held out the microphone to the guys, who were all sitting to the right of me and I was relieved when the next several questions were either for them or addressing all of us. Their witty arguing kept me from having to talk.

Eventually though, the interviewer caught on to my silence and shifted her attention to me.
“So, Sarah. They question we’re all dying to know; what’s going on between you and Mr. O’Callaghan over there?” She pointedly looked at our interlocked hands and I did my best to smile.

“Well… he’s my best friend and my boyfriend. I’ve known him for a long time, so we’ve gotten extremely close. He gets me and I get him and we’re honest with one another.” I nearly choked as I spit out the word honest and John leaned over to press a kiss to my temple, earning a sigh from Liz.

“You guys are so perfect,” she said and gave us an adoring look I found somewhat creepy before moving on to her next question.

“Ok so this person wants to know if any of you have tattoos and if so, what are they and why did you get them?”

She started at the far end of the group with Tyler and worked her way down the line. The only person who didn’t have any tattoos was Zac so it gave me time to think of how to explain mine. By the time she got to me though, I still didn’t have an answer.

“How about you Sarah?” I looked down while I pulled up the sleeve to my cardigan and showed the camera the small tattoo of a primrose on the inside of my wrist. My mom’s, dad’s, and brother’s names were written in the petals.

“My, uh, mine is a primrose. In flower language, it means eternal love,” I said and looked up at Liz, who was staring at me sympathetically.

“And why did you get that, I notice some names on it?” She positioned the microphone under my chin and I felt John rubbing my back. I had yet to even show him, did I really want to let the whole world know? As I took a shaky breath, I knew I had to.

“The first name is Daniel, my brother. He committed suicide when I was eight because he was bullied. The other two are my parent’s names, Jane and Andy, because they passed away earlier this year in a severe car accident.”

I was nearly whispering by the end and when I finished, I let out a long exhale. Everyone was looking at me sympathetically and I just wanted to disappear, to shrink down and melt away between the cracks in the floor.

Liz told me she was sorry and I thanked her, not finding it heartwarming whatsoever. Then she finished asking the rest of the guys about their’s before bringing up a few more questions and ended the interview.

“Alright guys, thanks for watching! Be sure to pick up tickets to The Maine’s and Through the Dark’s tour this fall, it’s going to be incredible I’m sure. I’m Liz from RockLive.com and I’m signing off. See you next time!” The moment the camera was shut off, I was up and out the door. I knew I was being rude but I didn’t care. As I made it out to the hallway, John grabbed my wrist and pulled me back against his chest.

“Let me go, John. Please, I need to be alone,” I said while looking at the wall to the left of me and avoiding his eyes. He carefully placed his slender fingers under my chin and tilted my head up. Looking into my eyes, he stared at me worriedly.

“What’s going on, Sarah? Why are you suddenly pushing me away, ever since you talked with Zac?” He searched my face and I shook my head.

“Nothing, everything is fine. I just need time to think,” I said and tried to pull away again but John held on tight.

“Hey, man. I think you should let her go.” I heard Zac walk up from behind us and his tone was far from gentle.

“Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?” John looked at him in completely rage and it scared me. I had never seen him so furious.

“You’re the one who made her like this! What the hell did you do?!” He kept shouting louder and louder.

I put my hands on his chest and he turned back to me quickly before glaring at Zac again.

“John, stop. You’re too upset, let’s just cool down, ok?”

“No! Sarah you told me I had nothing to worry about but now you’re acting like this and I feel like I should be extremely worried! What is going on here?” He looked at me and I felt tears leak down my face.

Zac came to stand by my side and John ignored him, staring me down. I closed my eyes and gripped his arms in both my hands, just like he was doing to me. I took a deep breath and spoke through the lump in my throat.

“Son.”

I could feel John’s confusion. “What?”

Opening my eyes, I looked at him.

“I know about your son.”