The Reckless and the Brave.

“Alex! There you are! Dude, let’s go!” I felt a hand grab my shoulder, but I shrugged it off, or at least I tried to, the amount of alcohol in my system caused me to stagger when I did. A pair of arms caught me before I collided face first with the floor. I lazily lifted my head. “Oh, sup Rian?” I chuckled. “Come on.” The first voice said that I recognized at Jack’s. “The show starts in 30 minutes, we should go.” Rian nodded and tried to get me to stand on my own two feet, but the second he let go the room started spinning and I fell backwards.

Luckily for me both my friends we’re prepared for it and caught me in time. “Wow, dude, how much did you have to drink!?” Rian asked. “You’ve been here for like what? 5 hours?” I steadied myself against a wall. I tuned out the voices of my band mates and looked around the room. It took me a second to realize we we’re in a overly crowded hotel room.

I scanned the room to see if someone or even something looked familiar. The room was big, but just not quit big enough to hold the dozens of drunk, partying people who we’re currently crammed into it. Somewhere in the back of my head I realized it wasn’t my room since I didn’t recall checking into a hotel earlier today.

Also I didn’t recognize anyone in the room except for my two friends, who’d barged in about 5 minutes ago. I leaned back against the wall as my head started spinning again, the sounds and images around me colliding together in one big suffocating blur. For a second I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The feeling disappeared just as quickly as it had came when a tall blond chick I didn’t know flung herself around my neck. “Alex! So… how do you like my party?” She slurred.

I lifted my gaze to her trying to figure out who this girl was, but Jack had already pulled her off me. “He’s leaving.” He said sternly to the obviously hammered girl. The girl pouted and waved. “Oh… bye Lex.” Before I could respond Rian was pushing me out the door, Jack following close behind us. “Call me.” I heard her shout after me and I turned to wave, but Jack slammed the door shut. “Let’s go.”

I let my two friends push me into the elevator. The seconds the door opened I was confronted with a very pissed off Matt. “What the fuck is wrong with you!” He screamed and I winced at the loudness of his voice. “You’ve got a show to play in 20 fucking minutes! And you just decide to fucking disappear for 5 fucking hours!?” Matt was fuming. Most people would have been terrified right now, but thanks to the several shots I’d taken I felt brave and stupid enough to push him a little further.

“Calm the fuck down. I’m here now aren’t I? Let’s get this show on the road.” I said and tried to walk to the exit. Matt hurried us into a cab and 10 minutes later we arrived at the venue. When the door of the cab opened I nearly fell out. One glance at me and Matt knew enough to make a decision. “Cancel the show.” He said flatly. “You’re in no condition to play.”

“Fuck that.” I sputtered. “I’m fine. I just had a couple of drinks, I can play.” Jack and Rian shared an doubtful look, but nodded. It was true, I’d played shows before where I hadn’t been…. completely sober. “Alright, let’s go.” They went inside, I tried to follow them, but Matt stopped me. I took a deep breath, trying to sober up a little. The alcohol still made the world spin around me a little, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Matt was staring at me with a concerned look on his face. “Matt I’m fine.” I tried to reassure him. He slowly nodded and let me pass.

I hurried inside and grabbed my guitar. I could feel every single person backstage staring at me but before anyone could make a comment on my disappearing act we heard our cue to go on stage. I ran on stage and launched into the first song with a smile on my face. See, I was fine.

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Unfortunately that feeling didn’t last long… 3 songs into the show the room was spinning again. Everything was blurring again and the same suffocating feeling I’d felt in the hotel room earlier came back. I tried to shake it off like I always did, but for some reason the feeling got worse. I let go of my guitar in the middle of the song and grabbed the mic stand to keep myself from falling over. Within seconds everything stopped. The whole venue had frozen and no one made a sound.

I forced myself to stand straight and flashed a smile to the audience. “Sorry ‘bout that, think I might have had one drink to many.” I turned to face my friends. “But I’m f….” Before I could finish my sentence the suffocating bubble came back and smothered me.

A terrifying darkness took hold of me and pulled me down. The last thing my mind registered were the shocked looks on the faces of my fellow band members, the startled shrieks from the audience and a stabbing pain in my head that quickly spread through the rest of my body. The second I felt my body hit the floor I stopped fighting. The last thing I thought before I lost consciousness was that, after months and months of fighting, the darkness had finally won.